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Overheard DP taking the piss out of me to our mate, time to LTB?

(42 Posts)
Summer2003 Sat 04-Jul-20 11:50:58

Earlier this week we had a mutual mate round for coffee in garden. I was making drinks & overheard DP taking the piss saying how I was being a "dudley do right" because I had been cleaning all morning. (global pandemics have that effect)
I was hurt as he'd already called that twice the day before but brushed it off, then later the conversation turned to a niggle our mate had had with his girlfriend, it was a kind anecdote type thing & my DP launched into a rant under the guise of being funny, about how "it's not like women to be unreasonable?!" With a smirk in his face, to the point where our mate changed the subject.
This may seem a little petty but comes after several years of similar behaviour. Taking the piss out of my many interests, friends etc. All in a Very subtle way, so if I call him out on it he Always says I'm overreacting/too sensitive.
Joke is he has like 1 friend, NO interests & makes ZERO effort with his family - who are all great people.
I've often thought he was depressed as he rarely leaves his house other than for work or to come to mine. Don't know why I've stayed so long & he's always telling me I'm lucky he's not the jealous type, but gets weird if I talk to male friends, but again in a joking subtle way.
Also he gives expensive gifts for birthdays, but then tells me how well he did with the gift so I have to say Yes, you did really well!
These are just a few examples, I've been here (MN) before with same dilemma.
We live apart thank God & lockdown was a blessing but we've been back together for a week & I've seen things more clearly.

I know I have to LTB just getting it off my chest looking for support.

OP’s posts: |
TeeBee Sat 04-Jul-20 12:01:21

Yeah he sounds really irritating and would probably wear down your self esteem over time. Why waste your life on him?

GilbertMarkham Sat 04-Jul-20 12:03:59

Take it you don't have any kids with him?

And not tied up financially?

He sounds like a boring, insecure (because he feels the need to out you down), chauvanist dickhead.

Cleaning makes you Dudley do right?
Weird.
I thought it made you hygienic, neat etc.

AttilaTheMeerkat Sat 04-Jul-20 12:14:48

He calls you as dudley do right to his one friend (who is probably out of the same rotten mould as he is).

That is a question you should indeed ask yourself now; why indeed have you stayed so long?. Perhaps you thought he was depressed (you've were wrong, he is abusive) and or hoping that he would change. Well he has not changed and will not either.

Don't waste any more of your precious years now on such a specimen. You live apart from him so that will make separation easier.

DartmoorChef Sat 04-Jul-20 12:23:05

You can't leave someone you don't live with. You just tell them it's over and you dont want to see them anymore. He sounds like a bit of a bully.

mysuperpowerisme Sat 04-Jul-20 12:27:19

Lifes too short

Thisismytimetoshine Sat 04-Jul-20 12:27:20

We live apart thank God
Nobody ever said this about a relationship that was working, so...
You know the answer.

FizzyGreenWater Sat 04-Jul-20 12:29:43

Totally right. Don't waste a minute more.

Could you imagine getting to retirement age and thinking 'God, I could have had such a nicer life without this twat colouring it'

Summer2003 Sat 04-Jul-20 12:32:55

@AttilaTheMeerkatt

The friend is a mutual one, who I get on well with, we have a lot of similar hobbies, DP has none. DP often jokingly says this friend fancies me, he doesn't & I don't he's just a positive person unlike DP, I guess that's a threat in itself?

We don't live together, but do work for the same company which makes it awkward, neither one of us will leave the job.

OP’s posts: |
Kiki275 Sat 04-Jul-20 12:37:14

Oh god, bet he thinks everything falls under the guise of "banter". There's a line and he's obviously crossed it. Don't worry about work, he'll have to behave like a grown adult for once and get on with it x

Summer2003 Sat 04-Jul-20 12:41:56

@DartmoorChef

We work together, that's been my biggest problem plucking up courage to properly leave him, fear of the unknown at work. Ps. I love my job!

OP’s posts: |
tara66 Sat 04-Jul-20 12:54:00

Just gradually see less and less of him. Make excuses not to see him. Give him less attention etc. Let it fade away.

Squeakyjoint Sat 04-Jul-20 13:01:57

I’m in a similar situation. I have conclusive proof I’m put down to friends of theirs. Just remind yourself it says more about them than you. Of course it’s all untrue and I’m imagining it!

Summer2003 Sat 04-Jul-20 15:57:03

@squeakyjoint
Sorry to hear that you're in same situation, I hope you find the strength to make the changes needed to move on. 👍
I'm also reminding myself of all the gross habits, farting, burping, laziness, biting finger nails & spitting them on floor & how nice it'll be to be free of all that too! 🙈🙄

OP’s posts: |
Craftycorvid Sat 04-Jul-20 16:02:33

Good heavens, but he sounds grim! Yes, if you have no children with him, separate homes and finances, hopefully it should be a matter of telling him to take his ‘banter’ and unpleasant personal habits elsewhere.

Zoflorabore Sat 04-Jul-20 16:05:43

A week out of lockdown you should be swinging from the chandeliers wink

The fact that you were relieved to be away from him for many weeks speaks volumes.

AnotherEmma Sat 04-Jul-20 16:09:18

Why have you been in a relationship with him for so long?
Why are your standards so low?

sobothered Sat 04-Jul-20 16:14:11

God life is too short to put up with an insufferable bore of a man. If he’s not positive about you now then that ain’t improving. Why would you want to sleep with somebody who has put you down! Just message and say “lockdown has made me think about things more and I heard you putting me down to our mate. I’m out. I want a relationship with somebody who is nice to me and about me. No hard feelings. Wish you all the best” then stop responding. Ignore and he’ll get the message. Just blunt force it. Done.

namechange12a Sat 04-Jul-20 16:14:43

OP he doesn't seem to like you very much and he's trying to humiliate you in front of friends.

Squeakyjoint Sat 04-Jul-20 16:25:04

Other annoying habits but nothing too bad. Which I chose to accept and I’m sure I have annoying habits. The thing that stings is the lie. Yes I have snooped a bit. Trust isn’t the same anymore but we have a fair bit linking us. Marriage house and DCs etc. I’m in deep so it’s not easy to just up LTB despite what others might say. Reveal of character is a powerful thing. Be smart with it, the truth will out. Always does. I won’t let the comments destroy or dictate who I am and you shouldn’t. Concentrate on you, do the things you want (without being spiteful). You’ll decide what to do and own it. At the moment I’ve got s lot on so busy with things and progressing with work, personal finance etc and doing well. All of a sudden they are more interested in what I’m doing. It’s a strange thing and I have my own theories.

Anydreamwilldo12 Sat 04-Jul-20 16:30:12

Ughhh he sounds a right horror. Good you're getting rid, plenty more nice men out there.

romeolovedjulliet Sat 04-Jul-20 16:33:14

to some women he would be a total prince with these gross habits and stupid comments, release him back into the wild. you will meet someone who treats you properly and respects you as you deserve.

Smallsteps88 Sat 04-Jul-20 16:36:04

It’s called contempt and when it arrives you leave. Time to call it a day OP.

ChickenDrumstick Sat 04-Jul-20 16:49:21

I think it depends on the manner it was said in really. My DH and one of his friends have a slightly rude name for me ‘behind my back’, but it doesn’t bother me at all because it’s all in jest and I know DH loves me and his friend likes me, so the fact they have been calling me this for years is fine.

My DH and I often call each other names in jest and I don’t mind calling him a dickhead to my own friends if it’s light hearted, but I don’t slag him off seriously and I (presume) he doesn’t me either. If you feel he was below the line, then that’s not okay. If you feel he has been unfair on you and you don’t want to deal with it then that’s not okay either. If you aren’t comfortable you need to tell him that’s enough. Was he showing off?

BumbleBeee69 Sat 04-Jul-20 16:52:17

he's got a very low opinion of you.. he undermines you... he ridicules you to his 'friend'.. he gas lights you .. everything's a joke hmm he's plain atrocious... leave him OP and hold you pretty head up high.. he's a LOSER. flowers

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