Pregnant and unhappy

[MahnaMahna]

Hi

I’m 17+4 pregnant with DC2. I have an 8 year old DD with my ex-husband and my boyfriend has a 9 year old DD with his ex.

We live together, my DD spends 6 nights with us whereas his DD by choice spends 2 with us. His ex is abusive and harassing to both him and me via messages. It came to a head in May and he told her he could no longer communicate with her and that I would carry on doing to pick up and drop offs as I have been all year. When I turned up at the meeting point she threatened to smash my face in if I didn’t get him to talk to her. So it’s going to court for formally set days.

My pregnancy isn’t easy. We’ve found out that the baby has Gastroschisis which means their bowels are outside the body and they will need immediate surgery after birth with potentially months spent at Alder Hey with me what my DD stays with my parents. I’m struggling to process it all and I feel very sad and worried.

My boyfriends DD cries every time she comes here that it’s different to her mums and she doesn’t like it. She cries coming, she cries and bedtime, she cries at dinner time. It’s taking a toll on us all. Tonight she decided not to come at all. So my boyfriend has taken himself upstairs and shut the door to our room. I feel so uncomfortable and upset. He’s told me before that I should get upset when his DD cries because I’m the adult. I’ve tried to explain that I understand that but I am pregnant and sometimes it wears me out. I never show her that I’m upset.

He never asks how my DD is dealing with it all and he’s not massively interested in the baby and he’s the one out of the two of us who wanted one. I feel like I’m totally alone in my pregnancy and that there’s this unspoken divide between us that’s just getting bigger.

Any advice on what to do?

[MahnaMahna]

That should’ve said shouldnt get upset

[RLEOM]

Sorry you're going through this, OP.

This doesn't sound good. It sounds like he's in a position where he might feel like he has to make a choice between you and his daughter, maybe I'm wrong.

How long has he been split from his ex? It sounds like he might've hurt her emotionally rather badly as I can't see why anyone would be so angry unless it was from pain.

I could be wrong but that's how I've read it.

[OhMyDarling]

Can you cope if the relationship doesn’t last?
Do you want to be pregnant, or are you still in shock?
Is there someone you can talk this all through with in real life?

[bluejelly]

So sorry to hear. It sounds like you are both under a lot of stress. How is your relationship when you're not dealing with major life stressors?

[SandyY2K]

This sounds very stressful for you and it's really unfair for your DD to have to live with this too.

Honestly...if it's your house I'd tell him to leave.

You need to look after yourself, your DD and the baby.

I worry that you'll have an awful lot to deal with as the baby has health issues and your BF isn't sounding reliable at all.

In addition all the abuse from his Ex sounds horrendous....it's all too stressful. Do you and your DD need this?

Alder Hey is a good children's hospital though. Good luck with everything on that front.