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Not sure I can get through this

(10 Posts)
Finallycrushedme Fri 03-Jul-20 13:10:27

Married 20 plus years, violence for ten years or so (violence stopped in 2007) but I never left as I had nowhere to go and no help. Weirdly happy on the surface, have two children who knew nothing of DV. Husband controlled all finances (did not leave me short) I worked/work and contributed. I've never been allowed to get involved with finances and if I ever questioned anything he would become angry/throw things/shout abuse etc.

several years ago he wanted to start his own business in partnership with a friend. I was totally against it as he had a terrible track record with money, but I got the whole 'This is the chance I've always wanted, you're stopping us realising our dream and making lots of money' etc etc. This involved using our house as a guarantee for the loan, I knew it was a huge risk, but I was pregnant at the time and he kept telling me that unless I agreed we would end up in financial difficulties as I was was going to be a sahm (we already had a toddler) and money would be too tight.

I eventually gave in and the business was started. I was named as director but not allowed any involvement. I tried to make suggestions on how to improve profit etc but I was always told my suggestions wouldn't work. I did work in the business for a while but the other partner was horrible. He shouted and swore at me on one occasion in front of the other staff and I was so embarrassed I did not work there again.

Fast forward to the last few years and my H kept telling me things were not good, business was bad and we were losing money. I then discovered that he had a serious gambling habit. No money whatsoever was used from the business for this, but all of his salary was going on it and I asked him to leave. He moved in with his sister (living in her 2 million pound house) living in the cottage in the grounds. He still saw the kids regularly as I would never prevent that.

Then, 9 months ago he texted me to say the company was bankrupt and we were losing our home. He just said 'sorry, done my best but that's life I'm afraid' I know nothing of the debts except that it's over 200K at least. To make matters worse his sister relocated to Dubai with her husband in January and her house was sold. He has now had to move back home as he has no money to rent. He won't discuss anything with me and we are just sitting here waiting to be thrown out of our beautiful house. He has told me that no one will help us as debt companies don't help businesses. He doesn't even seem that bothered, just plays on his phone and reads for hours whilst I feel I am having a breakdown.

I spent most of my inheritance on our home and will now lose everything. He has cashed in all insurance policies and lost the money in casinos, we have nothing!

My children are teenagers and are amazing, they are currently doing exams and I know this will devastate them. Where will we go? What will happen to us?

Has anyone saved their house from the bank? I have no family other than a brother in Australia who cannot help me. I am desperately afraid and my mental health is on the very edge but I am hanging on for my lovely children.

OP’s posts: |
SoulofanAggron Fri 03-Jul-20 13:18:03

Please see your GP/consultant for help with your mental health. If you've tried something and still feel this way, go back as there are dozens of things they can try. It will help you get through the situation.

Others will be more useful than me about the other stuff. flowers flowers flowers

Lozzerbmc Fri 03-Jul-20 15:31:44

What a shock for you! He doesnt seem v remorseful. As above see GP and then citizens advice and a lawyer to see what your position is. The fact that you have children might mean you can hang onto house im not sure. Find out all the legal info you can

Lozzerbmc Fri 03-Jul-20 15:37:33

Have you got some good friends to confide in?

FlaskMaster Fri 03-Jul-20 15:44:33

See a solicitor asap.

Finallycrushedme Fri 03-Jul-20 19:02:59

I have seen my GP and taking the relevant meds. I just feel so stupid and ashamed to have put my children in this position. I cannot even begin to imagine where it will all end.

Has anyone on here faced a similar situation and managed to rescue their home from being repossessed?

OP’s posts: |
Lozzerbmc Fri 03-Jul-20 23:13:12

I dont think you should feel ashamed or stupid. Most of us would have done the same, it sounds like you didnt have much choice at the time. Get as much legal advice as you can. You will get through this.

GhostOfMe Sat 04-Jul-20 09:25:05

You need information. There is a legal section on here, they might be able to point you in the right direction. You need to know the amount of the debt that is secured against the house. Is it a limited company? In which case directors assets can't be used to settle any debts they haven't directly secured themselves.

I can see two options for getting the information you need, one confronting your H preferably with a friends support or the other directly from the bank as a director and as a cosignatory on the guarantees you should have a right to that information, though I don't know how much the law in UK differs from where I am.

I f the business has an accountant they'd be a potential option to get a clear view of what is owed and if there's any assets of the business that can be sold. Then you need to see a lawyer, probably one specialising in commercial law.

Coercion can render contracts invalid but I'm not sure how you'd go about proving that you signed under coercion. Lack of sufficient legal advice can also effect the validity of certain contracts, but I don't know if this matters in this situation.

The two options I see would be trying to render the guarantee invalid so they don't have a claim on the house or refinancing the debt and paying it off. Assuming the debt is £200,000 like he's said is there any chance you could turn that amount of debt into a secured mortgage (with him signing the house over to you first) and repay it? I wouldn't take this option if it is possible if his name is still on the deeds.

I have only a very basic knowledge of contract law and company law in my country, so no idea if any of this is relevant or helpful. What you really need is information and legal advice that are both specific to your exact situation.

Lickmylegs0 Sat 04-Jul-20 09:41:19

There was a family law barrister giving advice on here a week or so ago. She was brilliant. @paperlantern123
Thread : I’m a family law barrister - AMA

Lozzerbmc Sat 04-Jul-20 15:07:59

Hello OP hope you are ok. Have you managed to find anything out your situation?

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