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Arguing in front of LO's

(14 Posts)
amiovereacting Wed 26-Sep-07 20:10:45

I have namechanged for this.

DP and I are going through a very rough patch at the moment and have been arguing quite a bit and in front of the lo's. This is causing me so much guilt as I have awful memories of my parents constant arguing in when I was a child.

I would love to know what others do when they argue with their partners/husbands or even if they do at all?

I am feeling very confused at the moment as to what is best to do for the future as I can't see us lasting if we carry on arguing like this, but I know people do pull themselves out of rough patches, does anybody else have any experience of this and is now back on the straight and narrow.

We are both quite happy to go to couples councilling, but I don't feel comfortable letting anybody else know we are going but we would need childcare.

I'm really rambling now sorry sad

Tortington Wed 26-Sep-07 20:16:46

normal everyday arguing we do in front of kids - we also show much love nfront of kids - i think its if there is no love and all arguing.

if its all arguing and no love - go to councelling

fransmom Wed 26-Sep-07 20:20:24

when you know it's affecting your lo's go tto counselling first. then decide if you want him to stay or not. i'm going thru this at mo but want it over. i haev noticed how mucht the atmosphere is affecting dd and she has started biting her nails whne the atmosphere is off (she doesn't do it all the time) and it worries me. i am sure thenings will be much better for you -either way. but you do need to sort out things firsdt. fmx

amiovereacting Wed 26-Sep-07 20:23:07

I really don't want to admit this but today DD was hiding under her quilt when we were arguing sad

I think it has upset me so much because I remember hiding under my bed when I was little when my parents were arguing and I promised myself I would never do that to my children.

fransmom Wed 26-Sep-07 20:24:57

iu feel the sam ewhne we argued in from of dd. i remmeber not liking my dad very much cos of seeing my mom cry a few times. dd has seen me cry a lot and it is only wheni am happy and laughin gthat she will go near her dad comfortably. go see counsellor sweetheart, even if you go on yoiur own

fransmom Wed 26-Sep-07 20:34:27

bump for ami

mymama Wed 26-Sep-07 20:36:37

I think arguing in front of dc is okay occasionally as long as there is affection shown in equal amounts.

I had a friend who never saw her parents argue. When she had her first relationship and they argued she thought something was wrong.

amiovereacting Wed 26-Sep-07 20:37:21

I just had a look at our local relate page, I didn't realise you could go on your own

I will give them a call tomorrow

Thank you

fransmom Wed 26-Sep-07 20:38:14

(((((((((((((ami))))))))))) we are all behind you sweetheart x

amiovereacting Wed 26-Sep-07 20:41:27

fransmom, just saw your other thread, thanks for taking the time out to help me out when your going through your own stuff, very kind x

fransmom Wed 26-Sep-07 20:41:47

's ok xxxx

GodzillasBumcheek Wed 26-Sep-07 20:46:23

Am not sure what to suggest. I would go to counselling first before giving up - you have nothing to lose by doing that have you?
Dh and i arguing doesn't affect our los - except to make the older ones feel uncomfortable, so i haven't much to offer except empathy and sympathy and hope that'll do.

LoveMyGirls Mon 01-Oct-07 21:30:08

We went though a stage of arguing alot we didn't want to be apart but being together was a bit miserable, couldn't seem to stop snapping at each other so we decided to go for counselling, it helped to argue constructivly, we hardly ever argue now, if we do we try not to do it in front of the kids but they're not stupid so if they see us argue i make sure they see us make up and that we love each other really and i always reassure them that we are ok and love them very much just sometimes people can't always agree all of the time.

Elkat Mon 01-Oct-07 23:33:09

we argue... and then My DD says "mummy, are you cros with daddy again? What's he done now?"

Ach, I think as long as you make up again at the end, then childern can see that it is a healthy part of a relationship.

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