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I require a womans view, help.

(67 Posts)
Extra1up Thu 02-Jul-20 00:35:48

Hi there, i will give a cut-down version of this.

Im in a relationship of such with someone who has a partner that she is not married to but been together for quite a while (Years).

We see each other all the time, at the start she would stay over even drive out to mine to get away from her fella. Calls me every day, messages me each morning, every night, and very frequent intimacy. We do things together, cook, go out, walks, etc, though not much during the Covid thing.

Now before the Covid she stayed over a lot, dont know what she told her boyfriend/partner though whatever it was must of been convincing for her to see me.

At first i thought, and have asked her, was all about the sex at the start, she said yes and no. So i took that on the chin as the love feelings had not developed.

Now the love feelings have developed between her and me, though here is the complication im stuck with (probably my fault, maybe, unsure, naive maybe).

Because she has been in a relationship for such a long time, and her partner has kids to someone else, she has become accustom to his daughters children, and she does not want to leave him due to having to leave the kids too. She said her partners daughter would be peed off with her and would not want to be her friend. She also says she doesnt want to lose the relationship with thos children, though other times i ask her to sort this out she says she has come to terms that her partnet, his daughter, and his daughters children would not be in her life anymore.

She said to me she would love a child with me and have been trying this last couple of months for a child, with a lot of stress on top. This month we shall find out very soon if she is pregnant to me, and she said to me if she is then it would make things a hell of a lot easier for her to tell her partner to leave as she cant hide being pregnant.

To me thats no excuse why she cant tell him now to go. She said she has asked him already but give me vague information how that went.

Over the months it all goes well between us, and when i keep asking her when is she going to tell him to leave she just says "Im going to do it, i will, i will, i am" She does have anxiety, and she also has said that she does not want him hurt.

Though come on....hes going to be hurt, hes going to be more hurt when he says "your pregnant, im going to be a dad" and she turns round and says its not yours and ive been sleeping with a guy for the last six months. I do tell a lie there, there was a gap of 2 months due to lockdown and said we couldnt meet, but yeah you probably think what i am thinking....we are blummin sleeping together so whats the problem.

She says she only stays with him to help with the bills, now she has secured her job to permanent. So ive put this to her "You can tell him now" as she wont require him for the part of the bills, she now has the security of work and enough money to pay the bills. If that sounds harsh, it is, i agree, though im not waiting much longer for the next excuse.

I am falling for her fast. I also spoke on the phone to her today and made it clear that it is not fair on me hanging in the shadows, and that guy not knowing whats happening behind his back. I think its bad as i wouldnt like that done to me. In a way a feel bad too for entertaining this, though its too late, i love her.

We also spoke a couple of weeks back, and by the sounds of it she wants it all with me. Though ive heard that before from someone else, and she did one for another guy.

So whats your thoughts on this, i appreciate all your input. I know, or should i say i know what i want to do and thats just get the guy informed but not by me, so its less harsh.

OP’s posts: |
Destroyedpeople Thu 02-Jul-20 00:38:52

Do you live in Albert Square?

AdaColeman Thu 02-Jul-20 00:43:22

She’s stringing you along. It will all end in tears.

Aquamarine1029 Thu 02-Jul-20 00:43:25

You're being played for a fool. Get rid of this flake and move on. Have you not learned by now that she has already chosen her partner to stay with?

Iloveme30 Thu 02-Jul-20 00:48:08

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AgeLikeWine Thu 02-Jul-20 00:53:11

You are her bit on the side, her FWB, and she is telling you what she thinks you need to hear in order for the situation to continue. She has no intention of leaving her family.

Your post indicates that you are having unprotected sex with her. Is she still also shagging him? If so, and she gets pregnant, how will she know who is the father? Will she tell both you and him that you are the father?

Give her a deadline to leave him by, or you will end the relationship. Then, one way or another, the situation will be resolved.

PastMyBestBeforeDate Thu 02-Jul-20 00:57:17

If you were the other woman believing he couldn't leave because of the children you'd be handed some home truths.

1235kbm Thu 02-Jul-20 00:59:10

OP she's taking you for a mug. Just end it.

TARSCOUT Thu 02-Jul-20 01:03:10

I am sorry she doesn't love you. She is using you. You deserve better. No need to worry about telling her partner, that isn't your responsibility.

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 02-Jul-20 01:04:33

Sorry you are going through this

Really? Really? He's not a passive recipient of this situation. He's trying for a baby with someone whose DP doesn't know. If this is true. That's dreadful.

JustKittenAround Thu 02-Jul-20 01:44:38

She’s an actress in a play. Enjoying the drama and attention.

You don’t even know you’re on stage.

Bunnymumy Thu 02-Jul-20 01:54:38


You're trying for a baby with a woman who has told you she isn't going to leave her partner?

Are you on crack?
Is this a wind up?

Seriously one of the most ridiculous things I've ever read on here.

Bunnymumy Thu 02-Jul-20 02:06:51

Also, I mean either she'll abandon these children that she supposedly cares so much for if she can have her own one (ice queen bitch from hell. I would never want to procreate with someone like that). OR she'll abandon you when you knock her up and stay with her partner, claiming it's his kid (so...still ice queen bitch from hell).

I mean dude, what a mess.
She is crazy. And you are being a weak fool.

TooTrueToBeGood Thu 02-Jul-20 02:08:05

Why in the name of the wee man are you trying for a baby in this fucked-up, Jeremy-Kylesque situation? It's foolhardy enough starting a family with someone before you've fully established the relationship but to do so before she's even finished her current one is fucking insane. You're an adult so can reap whatever consequences your actions create but for fuck sake don't be so unfair yo this as yet unborn child.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras Thu 02-Jul-20 02:13:40

Why on earth are you trying for a baby with a woman who is cheating on the man she's living with and won't leave him?.How do you see this panning out?

Seriously, just end it. Even if she left him do you want to be in a relationship with someone who can cheat so easily? By living with you she'll be creating a vacancy.

JWrecks Thu 02-Jul-20 02:19:43


2bazookas Thu 02-Jul-20 02:42:27

If she gets pregnant, you won't know who the father is. She's screwing at least two men.

Don't you have a wife of your own back home?

EvenMoreFuriousVexation Thu 02-Jul-20 03:28:28

Jesus christ, how old are you all?

Mate, she's mugging you off big time. She is never going to leave. If she wanted to leave, she already would have.

And people with serious anxiety problems do not embark on relationships which have the potential to be life-ruining for a number of innocent parties.

This woman is such an accomplished liar that her supposed partner has no idea she's been spending a huge amount of her time shagging another bloke for 6 months. She is able to lie, continually and well, to children who she alleges that she loves. Is that really someone you feel you can trust enough to be tied to for the rest of your life? When you conceive a child with someone, you're not just tied to them for 18 years...

If you want an actual long term relationship, bin this idiot off and find someone who actually wants to be with you. If you just want the jiggy, for the love of god use condoms, because this is NOT someone with whom you want to procreate.

jessstan2 Thu 02-Jul-20 03:44:03

This woman is not going to become pregnant with you whilst still living with another man. I don't understand why you want her to in those circumstances! It's flattering to you for her to say she wants your baby, isn't it?

With all her excuses it sounds to me as though she likes having the best of both worlds; having an affair with someone can be exciting, a diversion from the mundane world of living with a partner. That is very immature but it's how some people are. If it wasn't you it would be someone else.

She is not going to leave her home and if she did, the chances of it lasting with you are minimal.

If you are looking for something more than a clandestine relationship, get out now and find someone else. It's going to end anyway so now is as good a time as any.

avamiah Thu 02-Jul-20 03:51:51

What is the point of the OP posting on here then f—king Off ( excuse ) ??
I’m sorry but it’s totally unacceptable.

Dontletitbeyou Thu 02-Jul-20 07:05:22

She’s lying to you . Simple as . She has no intention of leaving her current partner , hence the constantly changing reasons for her not to tell him
You’re trying for a baby with a woman who is shagging around behind her blokes back , lying to him , lying to you.
If she’s doing it WITH you , she’ll do it TO you

Honestly , all the millions of single women around and this is the best you can do ? SMH.

MyBassIsAce Thu 02-Jul-20 07:36:46

The only positive for outcome for you is that, in this scenario, it won't be you left holding the bany when the affair partner decides they can't leave their relationship after all.

Honestly, you're being an idiot and she's lying to you.

Either that or she genuinely thinks this is a good plan and is someone to he avoided.

No thought at all for her partner and the children who would have their family ripped away from them in the cruellest of circumstances. If she were actually going to leave, of course...

PurpleDaisies Thu 02-Jul-20 07:39:15

You are having an affair with a married woman. That is awful behaviour. You need to end it.

Candyfloss99 Thu 02-Jul-20 07:43:30

You are falling for her fast but you are already trying to get her pregnant??? What? Wise up and tell her to go. You deserve a lot better than this. Though it's shocking you are trying to get the person you are having an affair with pregnant. How can you think that this is in any way a wise decision?

pictish Thu 02-Jul-20 07:54:22

I know you’re in the thick of it but consider this; do you really want a partner who will tell lies and cheat in order to keep having the bills paid?

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