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When did you know your relationship was over?

(10 Posts)
Werk Wed 01-Jul-20 10:17:47

I am not sure if I am overreacting or not.
This morning me and DH had a disagreement over moving house. We have struggled in our house for space over lockdown and even before then we were getting it ready to put on the market.
The almost perfect house has come up on the market nearby, it will mean borrowing more money though. He spat out that he didn't want to buy the house as he can barely speak to me anymore. The look in his eyes made me just know he has zero respect for me.
I don't want us to split up. I want us to work on things but I am not sure whether he can row back from that.
I feel utterly miserable.
He is a workaholic and we barely have time to talk to each other. I think he works to avoid me. He is great with the DC though, they absolutely adore him. I am just the drudge who does all the drudge work, even the DC have no respect for me.
I actually feel like just disappearing. They would all be happier without me around.

OP’s posts: |
Werk Wed 01-Jul-20 10:21:45

The argument was over putting our house on the market. He doesn't want to now as he is working from home and he doesn't want the hassle and disruption.

OP’s posts: |
Immigrantsong Wed 01-Jul-20 10:21:49

When my DH consistently did proactive things for work but never for us.

I am still with him, 20 years now but we are dead. No sex too for most of these years.

Shoxfordian Wed 01-Jul-20 10:25:25

It doesn't seem like he respects you or is very kind to you

Windmillwhirl Wed 01-Jul-20 10:29:28

We had been together 5 years but had been drifting apart for a good while. One day we were both off work the same day after ages of working opposite days and he told me he was heading out for a walk. From the matter-of-fact way he said it, it was clear I wasn't invited. Of course I could have insisted but in that moment I didn't want to.

When he returned home from his walk I told him it was clear he was unhappy and it was best we split. I didn't want to fight for "us". That said it all.

Crystalspider Wed 01-Jul-20 10:36:05

He spat out that he didn't want to buy the house as he can barely speak to me anymore. < when they say things like this, he's saying he doesn't want a future with you anymore.
Time to create a new life without him

AudaCityLimits Wed 01-Jul-20 10:44:34

I am yet to find the strength to get rid, but mine was about a week and a half ago. He has been unfaithful several times (at least once with my best mate)- and still, I had hope. But a few weeks ago, we had a blazing row. I literally begged him to stay, even though he was lying over and over. And he stayed.
And then, after everything had calmed down, I don't hate him, I certainly don't love him. I'm just completely indifferent.
Last night I found myself hoping he wouldn't come home, that he would phone and dump me.

Werk Wed 01-Jul-20 11:28:33

I just feel so sad. We used to be great together.

OP’s posts: |
AudaCityLimits Wed 01-Jul-20 11:51:05

It's so crappy isn't it werk. When it used to be great, those memories make it so hard to leave- you tend to have hope, and in my experience, that hope is a killer. It breaks your heart.

When I was married, I remember the growing realisation that I was completely invisible. Once I realised it, it was stifling, and I couldn't bear it. It was such a horrible feeling, and ultimately I made the choice to leave a marriage that felt OKish at the time because I knew that this was it if I stayed.

redwoodmazza Wed 01-Jul-20 12:22:06

I think ours is over.
I prefer to be on my Mac downstairs and he is upstairs on his PC. No conversation - mainly my choice due to him never 'remembering' what I have said. Conveniently remembers what anybody else talks about though.
We 'converse' by text - no mistakes then!
No enjoyment, no laughter, no nothing...

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