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I’m struggling

(3 Posts)
LArnold2019 Wed 01-Jul-20 08:32:37

My partner moved about 45mins away, leaving her hometown etc to come and live with me. We had a wonderful relationship and lived together for 9 months, we talked of marriage and kids etc before she had an emotional breakdown, manic depressive episode, anxiety, struggling to get out of bed, eat etc. She was really missing her family etc during this time. And decided to split her time between my house and her parents whilst she tried to sort herself out. Truth was though, I wasn’t strong enough to help her, I tried everything to the point of exhausting myself in the process. A lot of things were said and done and I made allowances for her as she really wasn’t mentally well. Despite her taking antidepressants and undertaking counselling, it was all too much for her and me, and our relationship suffered a lot. She ended up asking for a break, but i couldn’t do the waiting around in limbo, throughout the time she had said she wasn’t sure what was best for us as she didn’t think she could live away from her family, so I told her to take the majority of her stuff to her mums, it was too painful to have it all around my house when she wasn’t here. She was upset at the fact I told her to take everything.

Everytime we spoke on the phone we would argue and I would tell her how hurt I was at things that were said and done when she was unwell, and we would never move forward. Now we’ve had some time apart we want to continue things but anything relating to pressure for her freaks her out right now with how she’s feeling. She wants to take it slow and get back to having fun together and take all the pressure off, no talk of houses.or future events etc as it just stresses her out and makes her anxious. She’s still working on her and feeling better and just wants to date and see how things go. Trouble is, I’m struggling with that. I will always want more and feel more invested but I simply don’t want to lose her as I love her very much. I am not in a great place myself right now and therefore, having a taste of everything I wanted to taking 15 steps back and not living together etc is really hurting me. How do I adapt to this massive change and not being a huge part of her life? She’s always said she loves me and wants to work at fixing this, just she needs some time and space to fix herself too. She is staying at her mums and is working to buy place of her own as she feels she needs her own place and things. Obviously that’s not what I want as I wanted us to live together but that didn’t work out for her at this point in her life. I want to support her and not push things but I’m just so lost right now when I’m so invested and I want more. It really hurts

OP’s posts: |
endofthelinefinally Wed 01-Jul-20 08:36:01

You can't make somebody want what they don't want.
flowers

RickDeckard Wed 01-Jul-20 08:44:25

Sorry you're struggling. Talking, even if to strangers helps you process, so you're doing the right thing.

My only advice, which is from experience, is that good/healthy relationships shouldn't be this hard. Mental health problems are awful and nobodies fault, but given the choice, I would not choose spend my life with someone that suffered from serious depressive or anxious episodes.

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