I have been with my boyfriend for 18 months, he is 32 and I have just turned 30. We get on great and have a good relationship for the most part, but I am concerned that he may be afraid of long-term commitment.
More recently, our relationship has developed some depth which I am pleased about. Previously it was all light and fun, which is all well and good, but in the last few months he has been able to drop his guard and be more vulnerable with me, which I see as a good thing.
However, I seem to always be the one thinking about the future of the relationship whereas he doesn't seem to think beyond today. For example, I was the one who had to establish whether we were 'seeing each other' or in a relationship three months in. Any time I have tried to broach the subject of a future with him, I get answers such as 'why are you putting pressure on the relationship? Let's just enjoy now' or 'I don't really have a plan for the future'.
Last week I tried to end the relationship, giving him the reason that we obviously want different things - me, committed and long term relationship and him something more light and fun. He told me then that he did see a future with me and when I pointed out that he'd never said that to me before, he said that he didn't think he needed to because he shows it to me. By that, I suppose he means making medium term plans like going on holiday in Jan/Feb next year, helping me with the house I have recently bought, making an effort with my friends and family etc.
I am feeling a little torn as I know of other couples who have committed to each other and talked about a long term future and yet been cheating on each other the whole time, so I know talk is cheap. But at the same time I'd like some reassurance that he would like a long-term committed relationship or that he sees marriage/children in his future (even if it ends up not being with me!)
he was single for many years before we got together and he is not a deep thinker so I wonder if he even knows the answer to this himself.
How do you know if someone is afraid of long term commitment?
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Relationships
commitment-phobe?
11 replies
realist252 · 01/07/2020 02:05
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