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Surprising dh but now he’s suspicious!!

(29 Posts)
Lifeisconfusing Tue 30-Jun-20 18:33:59

Dh works away Monday-Thursday. He works very hard and he’s not had any time off during the pandemic. Dh mentioned a few times that he would like to get his wheels refurbished and spray painted a darker colour on his bmw (his pride and joy) last week I decided to get them done and arranged for the company to collect the wheels yesterday so that when he comes home Thursday he will be happy and surprised. We have a camera facing our cars on the drive and I was worried he would see and spoil the surprise so I went from behind the camera and moved it to a position that didn’t face the cars or our front door. This was 9am yesterday morning, about half an hour later DH called to say someone had been in our garden and tampered with the camera I explained it was me and that it had made a noise so I adjusted it, he didn’t fall for that and he became suspicious asking if our son age 12 was up I said no (he’s a pre teen 9am too early for him) anyway he made me feel like I’d brought a fella back at 9am with my 3 kids in the house!! I ended up telling him he’d spoilt the surprise and I hung up on him I was so angry. Haven’t spoken to him since just the odd txt,I’m so annoyed but I kind of get why he was suspicious but I meant well 🤦‍♀️

OP’s posts: |
frazzledasarock Tue 30-Jun-20 18:37:05

Is there more to this?

Moving a camera angle wouldn’t make me automatically assume ‘illicit affair’ unless there was a lot more to it.

Are you sure he didn’t think something had happened to his car?

Lifeisconfusing Tue 30-Jun-20 18:39:54

No nothing more too it,I just went from behind the camera and moved the angle so he couldn’t see the car and the front door. He has the camera info on his phone so he grew suspicious at me moving it at 9am so he couldn’t see comings and goings.

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NoMoreDickheads Tue 30-Jun-20 18:42:54

It sounds like he's really spying through that camera TBH if he could know that quickly the angle had changed. Unless he was looking at what was happening frequently, it's unlikely he would've noticed.

It seems like he's monitoring you often while he's away.

Not a healthy thing to do, a bit controlling.

parentofteen Tue 30-Jun-20 18:43:32

He must be checking it frequently for him to have noticed within half an hour?! Is he a suspicious or controlling person generally? Have you given him reason to not trust you? Seems really odd. How horrible for you that a nice gesture has been turned into this.

Lifeisconfusing Tue 30-Jun-20 18:49:34

Thanks for all your reply’s so far, Iv been with him 20 years so I know him very well he’s a good man he treats me well, he does have some insecurities like most of us I.e he thinks I’m too pretty for him but Iv been loyal and good to him over the years.

We only got the camera a few weeks ago so he does check to see what’s been going on in the night as it highlights as orange on his phone with movements but up to now it’s only been a dragonfly in the night Making the camera turn on. I asked him why he was looking at it ? He said he was looking as he had a spare 5 mins with his coffee.

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Crystalspider Tue 30-Jun-20 18:51:04

His behaviour is very odd to be checking the cctv when he knows you're home. Was he not grateful for his surprise when you told him?

Lifeisconfusing Tue 30-Jun-20 18:51:16

I’m guttered that he’s spoilt it and I don’t want to talk to him!! Childish but I’m angry.

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Lifeisconfusing Tue 30-Jun-20 18:53:30

@Crystalspider he just randomly checks to see what’s been going on in the night I must admit sometimes I take a look. I didn’t tell him about what I’d had done I just shouted YOU'VE SPOILT THE SURPRISE!! And hung up 😟

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Lifeisconfusing Tue 30-Jun-20 18:56:07

I had to take my little girl to the opticians yesterday and went on the metro train with masks she had a great time but it was an inconvenience I also got up early for the man coming only to be made to feel like I was up to no good. Feel really pissed off

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Lifeisconfusing Tue 30-Jun-20 18:57:34

He also knows that we don’t go out as as early as 9am so He wasn’t spying on me if you get me.

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Banana0pancakes Tue 30-Jun-20 19:05:40

I don't think it's unusual to notice it. My Dh always checks the notifications in the morning to see who has gone past our house at night. He has nick names for the regulars. I think if he noticed ours had moved he would be all over it as he is suspicious (not of me) but because of his job so would want it fixed. Whereas I let it go flat and don't really care.

The point is I think it's not worth falling out over, I'm sure he'll appreciate it when he finds out and it would be a shame to let something little ruin such a nice gesture

Livandme Tue 30-Jun-20 23:07:29

The cameras are new so he's checking them frequently as they are a novelty.
You said his car was his pride and joy.

I can see why he phoned tbh, car crime is high and he now has the means to check on his car frequently.

Lifeisconfusing Wed 01-Jul-20 00:09:25

I told him it was me that’s moved it so he could of just said (ah ok) but he continued to ask me if it wasn’t me I could understand him being worried.

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MaliceOrgan Wed 01-Jul-20 00:20:59

Are you having an affair with the optician?

Cruddles Wed 01-Jul-20 06:40:58

Why are people saying it's suspicious for him to be checking the cameras? It's completely normal behaviour. And the fact that he checked "only" 30 minutes after they were moved. He doesn't know they were moved and of course he's right to be alarmed by it

Yangshanpo Wed 01-Jul-20 06:55:16

It was nice of you to plan this surprise for your dh, but it was really you who spoiled it by getting annoyed and shouting when he was concerned about the camera. If you just told the truth in a nice way he would still have been happy about your gesture, and probably pleased with himself for his Columbo-like detective abilities. If you ever plan another surprise you are going to have to be way more sneaky to pull it off.

CheekyFuckerHQ Wed 01-Jul-20 07:01:37

My pride and joy isn’t a car but I check our cameras multiple times a day to make sure everything is ok and as I left it. I would ask questions if the cameras had been moved and I think, if my DP refused to move them back or give me an explanation I would either go and check or send a trusted friend. I think you needed a more convincing explanation in the first place!
He doesn’t know the full secret and I’m sure he’ll be delighted with your efforts op. Don’t let this spoil it.

Gogogadgetarms Wed 01-Jul-20 07:30:54

We don’t have cameras but this is the sort of thing my DH would notice and question. It would also bug him if he suspected I was lying and he would start concocting scenarios that might explain it. I mean he probably wouldn’t jump straight to affair but he knows me and would know if I was lying.
Does he generally like surprises? My DH doesn’t at all.
Is he going to be happy you made these changes to his car? It might have been something he wanted to do himself?

wombat1a Wed 01-Jul-20 07:48:50

Shot yourself in the foot in moving the cameras, being his pride and joy he probably wants it in the camera. Moving the camera so he can't see his car means you're up to something. He doesn't know what but you are - and in fact you are you had his wheels removed so you are in fact up to something.

I don't see how you can be annoyed if you are caught out by this.

sneezetwice Wed 01-Jul-20 07:55:34

I agree with @wombat1a

If this is a fairly new gadget there'll still be novelty in checking it. If I'd been him my first thought would have been that the car had been damaged.

My neighbour spends time in hospital so checks his out of boredom and always clicks my friendly little cat sleeping in his flowerpot smile

ScrapThatThen Wed 01-Jul-20 08:00:16

I think you spoiled the surprise, you just needed to say 'there is a reason, just wait and you will find out'. Anyway, don't be annoyed with him he didn't do anything wrong.

AlternativePerspective Wed 01-Jul-20 08:02:44

Didn’t take long for mn to jump to “he’s controlling.” Did it? hmm thank goodness that the majority are a bit more realistic than that.

I don’t have cameras but I can see how someone would check them, esp if they’re a new gadget...

And TBH if a poster posted here that she was away and had checked the cameras and they’d moved so she couldn’t e.g. see the front door and her DH had given her some kind of unrealistic explanation people would be telling her he was probably having an affair.

Ughmaybenot Wed 01-Jul-20 08:05:00

I too think you spoiled the surprise tbh. You say he’s a good man, so taking that at face value, he was just thinking it was unusual that the camera has been moved, and that is unusual. You then ‘covered’ with a shit lie about a noise, then got angry that he wasn’t daft enough to believe it, and shouted at him before sulking confused

Kay2theT Wed 01-Jul-20 08:10:31

Let it go. He's insecure, and that's a flaw many people have and it is probably made worse by the fact that he works away. He may even feel guilty that you've been looking after the kids during the pandemic and he hasn't been around to help. So his jumping to conclusions is not an accurate reflection of his feelings toward you or your relationship.
It is very oetty6to not speak to him and be in a grump, he'll still appreciate the gesture whether it is a surprise or not and by making this bigger than it is you'll ruin it. Laugh it off, tell him he's a great detective and get the tires done as intended.
It's not worth being miserable over.

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