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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

My husband cheated on me with our nanny

214 replies

Anab2010 · 30/06/2020 16:28

The biggest cliche ever. And it happened to me. Found out 2 days ago and I am absolutely devastated. I can't sleep, I can't eat I can't think. In our house. For 2 months. I feel sick. We have a 4 year old and I have had a miscarriage last month. And one 6m ago. I was crumbling anyway.
She's moved out ( I've kicked her out), he wants us to try and make it...
But how??? How can I ever feel normal again let alone trust him. I have a feeling as if someone died. Our marriage wasn't ideal and we have been drifting apart... but there is no excuse🤮

I needed to let it out...😭😤

OP posts:

Report

Aquamarine1029 · 30/06/2020 16:31

I'm so sorry. This is simply awful. In my opinion, he needs to leave immediately. You will never, ever trust him again.

Immigrantsong · 30/06/2020 16:31

I am so sorry OP. You don't have to do anything he says. Take your time, get advice and do what works for you.

HollowTalk · 30/06/2020 16:33

That is appalling. You poor thing. Good for you for getting rid of her. You won't trust him again - presumably this was happening while you were in the house? If you can't trust someone then, how could you trust them if they were away from home?

GilbertMarkham · 30/06/2020 16:34

So sorry op .

I'm not in favour of forgiving infidelity anyway, but this situation .... it's up there (or down there).

Your miscarriages are very sad but at least you only have one child with this specimen and they're past the baby/tot stage - easier to leave and manage.

Goslowlysideways · 30/06/2020 16:38

He needs to go for a while at least. So you can think. I’m so sorry. What a dick head.

ElsieWormstinker · 30/06/2020 16:38

Don't give him a second chance. What he has done is cruel, even more so after what you've been through. I agree with Gilbert, don't forgive infidelity, I did and guess what happened next...

GilbertMarkham · 30/06/2020 16:39

Nannies are usually pretty young too, and he was in a position of authority towards her ... Really immoral on top of the cheating.

Isthisfairornot · 30/06/2020 16:42

OP

Itisbetter · 30/06/2020 16:42

He needs to move out

FizzyGreenWater · 30/06/2020 16:43

No, you can't come back from that - to have been unfaithful in your own home with someone you were interacting with too, who was let in to your family...

For him to be able to do that to you, you KNOW he is not someone you want by your side, someone who loves and respects you. You don't really get through this.

The fact he wants to try again (she's gone, kicked out - oh can we start over?) - is even more despicable. At least if he wassaying to you, I'm so sorry but I fell in love and realised we weren't right together - it woudl be someone.

But he just wanted to rut on the hired help then ask if you'll please not wreck his nice tidy life.

Out he goes...

FizzyGreenWater · 30/06/2020 16:43

something, not someone!

allfalldown47 · 30/06/2020 16:47

Even if I could forgive the infidelity, I couldn't stay with man who abused his position so disgracefully.
I was a nanny, I was young and my family looked after me, the Dad was respectful and kind to me.
Truly revolting. Op reach out to family & friends. Don't hide his horrible secret for him!

Serendipity79 · 30/06/2020 16:51

I am so sorry this has happened to you, and in your own home, especially given your recent circumstances, what a piece of s* to do that to you.

I'm in the not forgiving camp I'm afraid. I forgave my ex - he went and did it again...… I didn't give another chance and I would never forgive it from anyone again as it caused me two years of stress looking for proof that he was doing it again. which I found.

Teacher12345 · 30/06/2020 16:58

I couldn't forgive this. It was right under your nose with an employee. You can't get much lower than that.

ShebaShimmyShake · 30/06/2020 16:59

I somehow find this worse than if it had been a woman at the office, not that that would have been acceptable either. I don't think I could get past this. Why does he want to try again? What is he trying to save? And is he truly remorseful?

DisobedientHamster · 30/06/2020 17:05

@Anab2010

The biggest cliche ever. And it happened to me. Found out 2 days ago and I am absolutely devastated. I can't sleep, I can't eat I can't think. In our house. For 2 months. I feel sick. We have a 4 year old and I have had a miscarriage last month. And one 6m ago. I was crumbling anyway.
She's moved out ( I've kicked her out), he wants us to try and make it...
But how??? How can I ever feel normal again let alone trust him. I have a feeling as if someone died. Our marriage wasn't ideal and we have been drifting apart... but there is no excuse🤮

I needed to let it out...😭😤

he wants us to try and make it...

Yeah, I'll bet he does. He doesn't want people to know what a snake he is. I took back a cheater once. Once. You can guess the rest. Never again. Sorry, but I'd divorce him.

Crystalspider · 30/06/2020 17:05

Sorry op this is awful and unforgivable
To cheat with the nanny who you trusted to take care of your child and your husband had no shame but to fuck her while your child was alone in the house somewhere.
Kick him out, he's a low life loser

Bloops · 30/06/2020 17:07

I would never, ever be able to trust him again and his bags would have been packed the day I found out.
It will be tough but you WILL get through this. Time to focus on you and your child.

Merename · 30/06/2020 17:10

Oh that’s horrible OP. Of course you cannot forgive this, not really. But like others say, give yourself time to gather yourself a bit. Hand hold

MzHz · 30/06/2020 17:12

do you have close real life friends you can get help and support from? can you get him to go out to the far side of fuck ideally, while you get some support?

You need space, he needs to see what life looks like when you've fucked it all up with your dick.

then breathe, and work out what you want to do.

needhandhold · 30/06/2020 17:25

Oh god. This is a dealbreaker. He’s just ruined the marriage. There would be no coming back from this. He fucked her in your house while she was looking after your kid. God. That’s the worst. I think it’s got to be at the top of the list of worst betrayal. Disgusting. How did you find out? So vile, kick him out and get support from friends

needhandhold · 30/06/2020 17:26

He wants to try and make it? Did I just read that right? Did he own up them to what he’d done?

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HarrietM87 · 30/06/2020 17:27

Wow. You cannot take him back or ever get over this. It will be tough but you deserve so so much better.

Elderflower14 · 30/06/2020 17:28

How did you find out? Did he tell you or her? Boot his sorry arse out of the door!

HarrietM87 · 30/06/2020 17:28

When I say get over this, I mean with him. You will absolutely be able to put him behind you. Good luck.

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