Newly separated help please!

[tigerjoe16]

I'm newly separated (March). To be honest our relationship had been breaking down for around 3 years. He suffers from a few mental health problems so I tried very hard and put up with a lot of emotional abuse because I loved him and trusted he felt the same so I believed he would get better. Our sex life was non existent and had been for 2 or more years.
I'm so confused. I'm emotionally starved, really missing intimacy and feel I have a lot to share however I'm so affected by his abuse that I worry that I won't trust anyone or believe I am worthy of love and definitely don't feel attractive and the thought of having sex with another man and being so vulnerable fills me with dread! I've thought about counselling but I've really never found it that helpful. I know my thoughts are ridiculous but I can't just shut my brain up. Anyone been in a similar situation and come out the other side? Or have any advice? I feel if I didn't have kids and no childcare and we weren't in lockdown, I probably would have just gone out got drunk with friends and possibly found a quick meaningless rebound guy or at least been able to let loose. I'm not sure if I'm making sense? Help!

[Lucky0707]

Hi, I know it's an old cliche but time really helps although obviously that's sod all consolation. Sound similar to my situation but on the other side. I was in a relationship for a long time and had sex on average 5 times a year for the last 10 years. In the end I gave up and didn't even want any affection from her as it just got my hopes up only to be rejected. I felt my only value was as an earner and someone to chat to and go out with. I felt she had zero interest in me physically I tried getting fit, dressing smart but no change. It seriously hurt and it hurt to leave but no-one can spend a life like that.

[tigerjoe16]

Thank you so much for replying. It's bloody hard isn't it. I'm not super patient and feel like my life has been on hold waiting for him to get better that I don't want to waste my life any longer but obviously can't rush it 😫

[GinasHome]

I know how you feel, you're not alone
Don't see it was wasted, you've grown and learnt. Thank him for showing you want you don't want in a relationship. You've come out so much wiser.
It can only get better now