My partner and I went through a horrible turbulent time recently. He had an emotional breakdown and I tried everything I could to help him, but unfortunately with everything that happened, and a lot happened, I went down with him and became very low and depressed myself. He ended up moving out of my place, a place we decorated together, a place where we had made plans for a future, engagement, kids etc and is now back with his parents 45 mins away. It’s where he needs to be, as he needs time to get better and so do I. We are still together but he wants to take things slow, not put any pressure on things and just continue to date and see eachother a couple of times a week. Looking back, we moved in together too quickly, he hadn’t resolved issues from his previous relationship or really taken the time to be on his own but at that time, we were blissfully happy living together and it didn’t seem too quick, but hindsight is wonderful. We lost a lot of ourselves during this recent turbulent time, as individuals and as a couple so he wants to take things slow and build up again, and do the whole dating thing that we didn’t really do in the beginning, as we lived in each others pockets almost immediately. We are not seeing other people and are in a relationship, just without the ‘pressure’, or so he keeps saying.
Truth is, I’m struggling with that, really struggling. He has gone back to his large family where he is around people 24/7. His best friend (male) is with him every single day, to the point where they are joined at the hip, to me that’s not having space or being on your own, but he tells me it’s just situational as his friend has split up from his girlfriend and latching onto him, and I am at home, on my own, waking up on my own, working on my own, having dinner on my own. I don’t have a huge family, just my mum left so I try to see her most nights, but I feel really lost and lonely and I miss him a lot. It’s like everything I had ever wanted was taken away and he has just picked up where he left off back in his hometown and our relationship has gone from being together everyday to just dating casually. It was like 3 steps forward and 7 back. I know he needs his own time and space to sort things out but he is also talking about buying his own place so he has a safety net, which I completely understand. But that means us not living together again, at least not for a couple of years. I feel like I’m being left behind, I’m not sure if I should feel like this or if it is just because i myself am depressed and missing him so much and the life we had together before this breakdown. He still tells me he loves me, and we still have an awesome connection when we do see eachother, just it’s hard going from seeing him everyday and being a huge priority in his life, to seeing him once or twice a week and him texting me when he feels like it. How do I handle this situation.....
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
And suddenly it all changed
LArnold2019 · 30/06/2020 11:03
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