Dating Thread 191 - Daters Gonna Date

[JeSuisPrest]

Props to @HairyArsedMan for the thread title - hopefully we'll be able to start dating again normally soon - grabbing a coffee, drink, dinner whatever. I wonder how many hours walking around parks, we've racked up on the last couple of threads.

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item.

[bangheadhere40]

Thanks for the new thread

[Aurora20]

Pls explain rule 9 😊

[JeSuisPrest]

@Aurora20 Welcome to the thread

In the Time Before Covid, henceforth TBC, when we were allowed to meet in pubs and restaurants for a date, we used to update the thread with how the proceedings were going half way through the date (from the loo). They used to be the highlight of the thread, especially if you can get a few updates in. Everyone gets very over invested.

[Eesha]

thanks for the new thread!

[cravingthelook]

I'm here!!!

Btw I deleted most of the Apps.. just tinder and Hinge now.... hinge will be getting binned soon too.

[Onesmallstep67]

Marking my place. You'll be pleased to know my copy of Mr Unavailable arrived today so that'll keep me busy.
Had a lovely evening and night with Mr Van. Feels like we are making a bit of progress. Didn't respond to Mr Cocky's messages which were only a couple and have kept a low profile with him today, just a couple of bland ones about stuff.
It seems like coming out of lockdown is pushing relationships in 2 distinct directions. Moving on or coming to a halt.

[trustmygut]

Thanks to all who replied on the other thread - you are all 100% correct. The "lie" in itself was minor, so the reaction was completely overblown. I did do some other checking today and there are other inconsistencies. I know I did nothing wrong, other than introduce him to friends and family way too early - something I would never do, but I was so happy finding someone I thought I could trust.
I've left the ball in his court and if he wants to come back with an explanation I will listen and if not, I'll just chalk up to experience and a lesson learned.

[30somethingandstillsingle]

Place marking.

Oh and I have a last minute 'date' with Mr W tonight. Hallelujah!
It's only taken him 3 months

[Aurora20]

[quote JeSuisPrest]@Aurora20 Welcome to the thread

In the Time Before Covid, henceforth TBC, when we were allowed to meet in pubs and restaurants for a date, we used to update the thread with how the proceedings were going half way through the date (from the loo). They used to be the highlight of the thread, especially if you can get a few updates in. Everyone gets very over invested. [/quote]
Aha!

Thank you for the welcome and the explanation.

[JustC]

Happily martied here ( well, most of the time 😁). May I ask why you guys are not dating within the thread? Reading the old thread a bit, it seems like a great way to really get to know eachother. Sorry, just curious?

[ellifjg]

Hi, hoping I can join you please? I ended a long relationship (with what I thought was the one) earlier this year. Not sure if I am really ready for dating yet, it's all still quite raw but I'm trying to distract myself from the past and start thinking about the future at least.

Also to be honest dating again rather fills me with dread. Before I met my Ex I was single for a long time, on lots of dating sites but never met the right men, I seemed to be a tosser magnet! I'm conscious that I'm now in my 40s rather than 30s so that's not in my favour! Conversely I have improved myself a lot, I've lost 5st since I was last single, I'm in a better career and financial position now, I've even overcome my dear of motorway driving.

However I'm in a fb group with a lot of single ladies who've had awful experiences on dating sites, to the extent that they've deleted their profiles because it's so terrible out there, like a meat market apparently and full of men looking for a one nighter...

So be honest with me, is it really that bad? And if so how do you try and maximise your chances of meeting someone genuine? Or is it really just down to luck?

[cravingthelook]

@ellifjg hi, well I'd say follow the rules of this thread, they are good rules for dating!
It can be bad, you just have to know and assert your boundaries.
I think some of it is luck, my best friend thinks the timing of her and her now boyfriends swiping was just perfect luck for them.
It affects us all in different ways. I'm not feeling so good about it just now but that's just a reflection of my overall feelings. Last week I was planning lots of dates, just roll with it.

[cravingthelook]

@30somethingandstillsingle ... oh looking for an update later

[Msyoganidra32]

@cravingthelook hi I m back can I ask you a question about Hinge I went on it and liked a few about 3 days ago still no likes or messages. Normally on the other apps I get much interest just wondered if there s something I m not doing and how much or what you can do without paying ? Thanks

[Menora]

Hey all I’m place marking. I have no updates of significance 😂

[30somethingandstillsingle]

Just back from my date with Mr W.
We went for a walk in a park which was a bit... bracing! In this wind!
It was really nice, I think I had a big smile on my face the whole time. He was really easy to talk to and we kissed at the end which was every bit as good as I hoped it would be

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

That's a fantastic update @30somethingandstillsingle

[Dancerinthemoonlight]

Something occured to me last night while on a video call with Mr Smile that no one and I'm talking past irons or relationships have been willing to make time for me. I was never a priority to them until now.

Mr Smile was eating dinner late last night and then had to do some ironing (I know such a catch) but he didn't say can we talk later he just set up his phone so we could still see each other and talk to each other while he got on with his ironing. Had a lovely view of him is his boxers teaching me the correct way to iron a shirt without adding more wrinkles to it. I avoid ironing at all costs as I end up adding more wrinkles than there were to begin with so it was just a nice easy bit of flirting and banter back and forth. He actually made time for me even though he was busy because he finds me important ☺️

[ZoZoBo]

Just place marking so I’m on the new thread- no updates really - have a date Saturday and maybe one another day that week - feels odd to write that - 2 dates with two different men in the same week ...at the ripe old/young age of 46 😂 I’ve never been on even one date before!
More importantly I managed to get a hair appointment today on day 1 of hairdressers opening so my hair is fabulous for said date

[WildestDreamsSunset]

Hi @Msyoganidra32 I signed up to Hinge on Sunday. I’ve had a few matches/chats but it seems very quiet compared to other sites I’ve been on. Perhaps it’s just my area? I’m already thinking of deleting it! Maybe other people on here have more experience of it.

[MummyGoingItAlone]

Morning all. I had a lovely 3rd date with Mr Surprises. It was supposed to be a picnic but the weather was poor so he invited me to his. Well his house is just beautiful! He gave me a tour and I had to apologise for my lack of attention to him as I browsed his house! 🤣😂
He made me lunch and the time wizzed by. We finally kissed.
He only works 9 months of the year and finishes at the end of this week so we’ve arranged a fun date for next week which I’m looking forward to.’l

In other news, I woke up this morning to a message from a guy I used to work with and had a brief FWB situation going on. I haven’t seen or heard from him for 3 years and last I heard he’d gone abroad (he’s a PE and Yoga teacher) to find himself. I’m interested to see what he’s after 😂

[Eesha]

@ellifjg welcome! I think you sound like you're in a great place with those achievements, 5stone!!! I just echo what craving said, you can dip your toe in a bit and see what's out there. I'm not feeling it at present because something didn't work out well for me recently but at some point I'll get back onto it. I do think it's luck really but you need to be in a happy place mentally and not bringing a ton of baggage with you. Then at least someone will add value rather than you expecting them to make you happier.

[Notcoolmum]

Welcome @ellifjg I don't think it's that bad out there. People tend to give you clues to who they are so it makes sense to pay attention. I always considered myself a savvy swiper.

I wouldn't swipe on profiles for a whole load of reasons - bare chest, sticky out tongue, kids in photos, woman in photos, no bio, poorly spelled bio... I wouldn't send the first message as I learned a lot of men do their filtering at this point and are more free with their swiping. I didn't reply to messages like 'hey sexy' 'hey beautiful'. I'd let a conversation drop off if it wasn't working or if felt there was a strong sexual element. I was looking for conversations that flowed. The feeling of excitement when my phone buzzed.

I've met about 8 men. Had 3 relationships out of those. And been with Mr B for a year. I've had a date abroad and had my heart broken. But I hope now I've found someone lovely and potentially have a future with...

Trust your gut. Follow the rules on here. Keep talking on here to sound things out. And have some fun!!

[cravingthelook]

@30somethingandstillsingle yes!! Loving the update

@Dancerinthemoonlight I'd actually feel a little hot watching a guy iron in his boxers and yes it's showing you I'm fitting my things around you rather than I'll squeeze a call in later.

[cravingthelook]

@Msyoganidra32 and @WildestDreamsSunset I don't think that its anything you are doing wrong, I just think it's 1) less populated and 2) the people I have matched with are more slow to reply etc.

I did pay for 1 month ... which is why it's not deleted yet, but I won't be keeping it. Even as an updated member I can see there's just not enough people.
I'd say it's fine to keep as a back up app. I found myself having too many apps and it wasn't giving me anymore luck. I have had way more dates from Tinder than anywhere else just because of volume.
OkCupid I like the idea of but it just feels too difficult when trying to use free.

I've had so many dates recently, and picked up some returners and I need to analyse why and what I'm getting out of it. This week I've decided to chill and give myself a bit of space.

Every time I mentally write off Mr Chef, he comes back with a normal nice message. I don't know if he's keeping me as the fallback girl.

I'm meeting and Ms Jam for walk/dinner tonight as she's off abroad next week and will be gone almost 7 weeks.

I have a potential meet with one of the two irons I'm talking with tomorrow. I guess I'll call him Mr Beach Hut.

I'm having a lovely chat with the other iron, we just have clicked well in messages and normally I would push to meet to get it done but I'm going to try and sit back and enjoy the chatting. He lives less than 10km away so that's great. Maybe if the chat continues well we can video call at the weekend. His spelling is horrific in messages but I'm actually noticing a pattern and I think he is dyslexic so just not mentioning it yet. I'm going to call him Mr NewHouse as he's in process of moving.

Last bit of news is I'm seeing Mr Tea a week on Friday. The last time I saw him in person was end of Feb! He is utterly adorable and I can't wait. I just need to pick apart in my head what this relationship means to me and if it's helping or hindering in other parts of my life.