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When did you realise they were The One?(37 Posts)
Thought this would be a nice thread of positivity in these mad times. At what point did you realise that your SO was "the one"?
‘The Ones’ exist in fairy tales, OP.
It’s really not a helpful thing to focus on.
Just find yourself a partner that makes you happy, and that you share common life goals with, and that you can live with on a practical level - and you have yourself a great start on life. And from then on - keep working on your relationship.
I had two "the Ones"
They both turned out to be complete cocktards though.
I'll just go for the looks next time. They both were a bit lacking in that department and I learn from my mistakes 😂
I believe the one exists but they don't come along until much later than would be ideal, in both yours and their life. I don't think I've met mine yet but I believe you know when you know.
I completely disagree with @MMmomDD and think settling on a practical level is a terrible idea! I did that first time, it turned into a horrible relationship and I'm now divorcing. Practical and shared life goals makes for a very boring life, and life goals and practicalities change. Rarely at the same pace or in the same direction.
I've recently met someone - very early days - who I think could be one of 'the ones' in my life (not sure I agree there is just one for everyone, but a few long term special people throughout life) and it just feels so different. It's not necessarily a practical thing, in fact quite the opposite. We are both in complicated situations. But for the first time in my life I feel completely secure, no questions of trust, am not frustrated by the complications and just completely accepting of the situation. He makes me feel good unconditionally, there's nothing that I can't be open with him about. I fancy him but there are no big fireworks, but I really respect him and admire his drive and ambition And I get butterflies when I see him being a great parent or cleaning the windows. I have no concerns at all about making plans with him 2 years from now, something id been nervous of even with my husband because i worried something might happen between us. This is not at all what I expected from 'the one' because of the lack of fireworks but I can't describe the feeling of absolute security and safety I get from having him in my life. On an emotional level, because we aren't able to spend loads of time together face to face. I hate to use such vague words but when you know you know.
I've had 2 'the ones'. First one, I found out he already had another 'one', I was devastated. Lucky escape. I don't know if she ever found out about his wandering, I know when I found out, I kicked him into touch. I know they married, but ended up divorced.
I married the second 'The one' after 8 weeks and we've been married for nearly 30 years now.
In between them, I had a couple of Mr Right Nows - who were utter arses. I even married one of them, thought I didn't deserve better I suppose. When I kicked him out, I swore off men for the rest of my life, didn't even look at another bloke (about 4 years) until 'The New One' burst into my life.
He's fabulous, really is - drives me nuts chewing his nails, hogging the duvet and leaving his bath towel on the floor - but I wouldn't change him for the world!
Think these are some of the 'signs':
Shared goals, outlook, values and quite a few interests, likes and dislikes.
Similar sense of humour.
Brushed paths years ago, only to do it again years later purely by coincidence (fate, synchronicity?).
We look quite similar.
A feeling of home.
Gives me butterflies.
Feeling that I would really miss him if I never saw him again.
And yes to their being no fireworks as such. The feeling could be described as warm and fuzzy, but also knowing neither him or myself are perfect people and that's ok. It endears me more to him. He's endearing and I just want to watch netflix in bed with him and kiss and cuddle and laugh with him. Reading that back, I think I've now fallen in love! I just want to be with him.
When I met him I literally jumped up and down on the spot, he was perfectly physically my type, plus we got on brilliantly, shared a sense of humour, same view of the world, agreed on life goals and so much more. I felt completely at ease in his company from the moment we met.
But it wasn't enough for him. Despite everything we shared he fucked other women behind my back. But it was only sex, so apparently I shouldn't have minded. We tried to get past it...but in the end I called it a day. Maybe some time in the future he will sort himself out and we will work it out, part of me hopes so but I don't know if that will happen.
The second we walked around the corner and saw each other on our first date. He'd say the exact same thing if you asked him. There were fireworks, an instant connection, like something from the movies.
Less than 13 seconds. Quite a lot less.
It's like you just want to immediately lay your head on his chest.
Feels like home.
Locking eyes with him is like opening a Christmas present.
What he says, what he does, how he thinks.
It's not that you agree on everything - it's better than that. You get where he is coming from, but each of you inform and intrigue the other with your take on things.
Laughing. So much.
And things about you that might annoy others are just seen for what they are ... endearing, essential traits that make you who you are.
A man the line of whose nose will delight you even when he is 80.
Oh yes and you tend to look like brother and sister.
Mine grew on me gradually. We'd been together for around four years before I was sure he was the one for me. We've been married for 17 years now.
Oh my goodness I am loving this thread, it appeals so much to the die hard romantic in me that's been buried since my shitty marriage!
I'm loving your replies! So very interesting and eye opening, totally agree about the synchronicity and the laughter (my granny always said a man could humour her into bed haha!) - also interesting to hear different viewpoints e.g. "the one" doesn't exist, and/or there are multiple "ones"!
What I'm finding so interesting on this thread is the number of replies saying it was a really quick/instant feeling.
There's another thread about lovebombing, and people who get intense quickly and declare love early on. You frequently see posts about how saying I love you early on is a red flag.
But I think sometimes it can be real, genuine, healthy love quickly... can't it??
I had the One and I blew it.
We had shared goals and enjoyed doing some, but not all of the same things, we had fun together. We both knew from early on, got engaged after 18 months (I consider that to be quick, others may not!), and we made each other better (not just my opinion, something that friends and family said to us). We had a moment on an early date where I was lying down and she was just lying with her head on my chest (fully-clothed, non-sexual) and it was time for her to go home, and she said "I don't want to get up, this spot here and now just feels perfect". We actually took 3 weeks from meeting to having a date because she told me she had a date with someone else so I wouldn't ask her out, but in that time we went out for work drinks and I told her that there's no way he was right for her in front of about 6 people because we were talking as a group - which for me was such an out of character level of being up front (was early, still sober), and she was having a second date with him that night, went to it and left shortly afterwards and went home.
Unfortunately, when various challenges in life came around I didn't provide the right support (I provided support, just not the right type), and I also let myself be dragged down emotionally by the experience, lost my self-confidence, lost my direction/ambition (decided my career at the time wasn't actually what I wanted but kept dragging myself in to a job I hated every day) and the happiness faded.
She brought many of the problems to the party, but had I not been so naive, and been more emotionally resilient I should have handled them better. I think that's the worst bit, at the time we finally called it a day, I was very much in the "but you did this, and you did this, and I've wasted 10 years of my life" mind set, but learning and researching about relationships since then I realise that pretty much everything had been in my control to do something about it. If I could go back and advise a 20yo me on one thing to change in life, I'd tell him to spend $ on self-improvement courses, and not hope life teaches him the right lessons at the right time.
The underlying problem is I was raised in a very risk-averse environment, and as some one who's a good boy and sticks to the rules (so me and Taylor Swift have one thing in common, for anyone that's seen her documentary lol), so when faced with situations where I had to defy the rules or take big risks, I froze and became a victim instead of putting my big boy pants on and taking the challenge.
But the pandemic has left me no choice but to put those pants on now simply to survive, so next time I'll be prepared, and I'm investing time (since I don't have the $ at the moment) in self-coaching.
And to end on a positive note, I'd been in love before I met her, but never that sort of love, I just thought it was something you saw in the movies, so just knowing it's out there is still a beautiful thing. Also we have two great little girls.
Can't put my finger on it, there was an instant attraction, felt like I was talking to an old friend from that first conversation, most importantly though there was a feeling of security.
It sounds bonkers but I just had this overwhelming feeling that this person wanted to keep me safe and happy.
We've been married for ten years now, most definitely had our ups and downs and at times (for both of us) it would have been incredibly easy to walk away but something that I can't quite pinpoint has always made me stay. Bloody glad I did too
I'm not sure I could pin-point a moment that I realised he was The One, but he is.
It sounds so cringe-worthy, but being with him just feels like home. We work so well together. Sure, we don't always agree on everything, but we talk things through and acknowledge where the other person is coming from.
He makes me laugh and infuriates me simultaneously. He is one of the most annoying people I know, but he doesn't actually annoy me, despite me being a very intolerant person.
He told me he loved me after four weeks being together, and I have never felt so happy. We got engaged after 2.5 years together. We can't afford a big wedding but I don't care, as long as I get to marry him.
When you know, you know!
* felt like I was talking to an old friend from that first conversation,*
Yes I forgot this bit - yes, this too!
Interesting that some people see a feeling of instant recognition as being a sign of love. I've had that feeling before, but with friends, and only with people who had a similar childhood/upbringing to me. I've always just seen that as being on the same wavelength due to having the same background, and not something especially restricted to potential partners. Maybe I am wrong, though - has anyone felt instantly at home with and fully understood by someone from a very different culture?
I personally don't believe in The One.
There's probably tens of thousands of people in the world you could be happy with.
I think the odds are pretty good each of us will find each other.
We met at a party I knew from the moment I saw him there was something there. Nothing happened said hello but no numbers exchanged.
Thought that was it as he lives half way across the country.
2 months later went to a kids party 5 minutes from my house walked in and who was there... yep! Lol couldn't believe it! we both obviously decided not to make the same mistake twice spent the whole party together swapper numbers. Went for dinner a week later been inseparable ever since. Now a baby on the way.
I actually love our story. He is definitely my one and he says the same. It's a cliche but he's actually my better half. He lifts me up pushes me to do better and made me realise my worth as a person and that I do deserve love and happiness.
I was friends with DH for a year before the thought of anything romantic even occurred to me. By the time it did, I was a goner. One day I just fell in love with him.
To me the one is the person you feel where you can be yourself and completely relaxed. Someone who can make you laugh, hug you when they see you’re sad, cuddle you, make you feel that you’re so wanted and can empathise, oh and someone who is emotionally available. Is it possible to have all of this?
Sadly, I’m in a marriage where I have none of this.
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