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Does your H ever storm off when you're out?

(267 Posts)
Checkers88 Sun 28-Jun-20 15:40:41

Just that really.
I have a pretty dysfunctional family background so I don't really trust my own judgement on this. My H has stormed off (or threatened to storm off but not followed through) many times over the years, whether we are out with dc or just us. He did it yesterday on a family walk and even said goodbye to dc etc and I had to try and plead with him not to go. He didn't in the end, apologised an hour or so later. It's just the straw that's broken the camels back. Is this normal for an adult man? Seriously?
For context it's generally over a minor disagreement or misunderstanding that he will amp up to 11. Yesterday it was over something easily brushed off and within 10 mins it was "I'm going home". So many times before as well.
Feel so, so done and depressed today I just can't take it any more.

OP’s posts: |
theproblemwitheyes Sun 28-Jun-20 15:42:10

No, because i married an adult, not a toddler.

If your husband is doing this, you've got a serious problem, and I'm sure it's not the only one in the marriage either.

Checkers88 Sun 28-Jun-20 15:42:17

I guess my real question is, how bad would an argument etc have to be when out for your H to do this? Is it ever ok?

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JudithGrimesHat Sun 28-Jun-20 15:42:43

Dh has never done this.

First husband did, he was an abusive dick.

Checkers88 Sun 28-Jun-20 15:43:43

I feel like a mug. I was in the kids section of a book shop trying to keep calm and asking him not to go. So embarrassing and just stupid and unnecessary. I haven't been able to get over it and he keeps asking me why I'm being funny.

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YgritteSnow Sun 28-Jun-20 15:43:58

Yes he used to. Thank fuck I am not married to him anymore.

ButteryPuffin Sun 28-Jun-20 15:44:17

So how often does he actually do it, or is it more that he threatens to? Sounds like he enjoys getting you to beg him to stick around. What would happen if you calmly said 'ok, go if you want'?

pog100 Sun 28-Jun-20 15:45:00

Never and it’s never ok. Absolutely no question about it for any adult.

YgritteSnow Sun 28-Jun-20 15:45:18

Never ask him not to go. You can't stop him it will just draw more attention. I used to just go complete grey rock. Never chased him or begged him to come back. Well not after the first few times anyway.

GaraMedouar Sun 28-Jun-20 15:45:35

My exh did- he was a twat. One of the reasons I divorced him.

HansBanans Sun 28-Jun-20 15:46:42

Not my husband but my ex boyfriend did this years ago. Middle of a packed train station, I had no idea where I was going and almost had a complete meltdown. He then came rushing back trying to be some knight in bloody shining armour. Left him, met DH and never been happier.

Speaking from experience, that kind of behaviour is a red flag, imo

endofacentury Sun 28-Jun-20 15:47:12

I had an ex do this to me on a night out once. Stormed off and went home and didn't even tell me. I was looking for him for ages and then he gave me the silent treatment the next days. Apparently I was looking at another man whilst he was at the bar confused abusive twat he was.

Fanthorpe Sun 28-Jun-20 15:47:17

It’s just unreasonable behaviour, he’s holding you to ransom basically, making it clear you must behave. If you’re out with the children together then you behave like adults and are responsible.

What sort of thing is he getting annoyed about?

To be honest though if my DH did it I’d tell him to stay gone, I think.

Apileofballyhoo Sun 28-Jun-20 15:47:18

That's abusive OP. How are your finances?

Doggodogington Sun 28-Jun-20 15:47:24

Let the toddler go ffs. I’m going home, indeed? Off you trot then! hmm

Checkers88 Sun 28-Jun-20 15:47:38

He's done it a few times for real. Often does it then comes to try and find us. It's like he can't calm down.
He also threatens to leave in arguments frequently.
I think I have ptsd from my childhood where I witnessed some pretty scary stuff from my parents and whenever the threats come up from him, I just can't stop myself pleading. I know I need to be strong in those moments but I just find myself feeling like that scared kid again.

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gower4 Sun 28-Jun-20 15:48:53

My dad used to do this when he lost his temper

Checkers88 Sun 28-Jun-20 15:48:59

Not proud of this btw. I know I need to get some balls and stop being bullied. It feels mad but I'm like- do other adults do this? Storm off when out with the kids etc? I literally couldn't imagine doing that to dd or ruining a day. we are both in our 30s.

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theproblemwitheyes Sun 28-Jun-20 15:50:00

how bad would an argument etc have to be when out for your H to do this?

It would have to be a relationship-ending argument, to my mind, for one of us to do this. Walk off and leave the other by themselves with the kids!? Along the lines of "i just found out youre screwing my brother" or "you've gambled all our savings and lost".

BackforGood Sun 28-Jun-20 15:50:08

No, it isn't something my dh would do.

I have to say though, my dh an I don't generally inflict things that aren't enjoyable things on each other. So I can't remember the last time we went shopping together - we both go, individually, when we need specific stuff. When the dc were young enough to need looking after, one would stay home with the dc and the other would get the 'chore' done, much quicker and in a much less stressful way. Or we'd take one of the dc with us.

In your situation though, in your example on the walk, if he is "threatening" to walk away, I wouldn't play along with him. I'd just say "Bye then, we'll see you when you calm down / see you back at home". I wouldn't be pleading with him, and I would do my best not to be arguing with him in front of the dc. I'd tell him later that night that the behaviour wasn't any way for a grown man, and father to be acting and setting an example to the dc.

ThickFast Sun 28-Jun-20 15:50:56

No, never. I think to do that it would have to be over something awful. Like I’d just had an affair or something. It would be a catastrophic event.

Checkers88 Sun 28-Jun-20 15:52:11

@BackforGood totally get that- it was his idea to take this trip to the bookshop so I don't think it was that he secretly didn't wanna be there (although that's been the case in the past no doubt)
Finding it really odd that this is so abnormal, he's done it forever.

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Fanthorpe Sun 28-Jun-20 15:52:22

That’s really awful Checkers, I understand why you’re panicking.

The feelings are from your childhood, when you were defenceless and scared.

If he goes off and leaves you by yourself what’s to stop you going on with the day with your kids, having a nice time without him?

ThickFast Sun 28-Jun-20 15:52:40

Don’t beg him to stay. Just be all nonchalant. Say ok, see you later.

GreyGardens88 Sun 28-Jun-20 15:55:59

Get your ducks in a row

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