Advanced search

All over but is this a bit weird?

(18 Posts)
Slimerecipehell Sun 28-Jun-20 15:35:13

Just before lockdown I ended with my dp of 5yrs, we didn’t live together but were looking to. No arguments or cheating etc, I just tired of his lack of communication and emotion. He came over today to bring my keys and bits that were at his house and vice versa. It was all very civil, if a little awkward but when he left I looked in the box and he had given back all the sentimental stuff I bought him for birthdays/special occasions etc over the years and I found it quite upsetting. I know we have split up but we had 5 yrs that were pretty happy, i don’t know why he didn’t just throw them away if he didn’t want any reminders of me in his house? Is this odd that he’s given everything back or is this what people do??

OP’s posts: |
LegitSnack Sun 28-Jun-20 15:41:12

He's trying to make a point.

Bin it and don't give it a second thought.

Chinnychinnychinnychib Sun 28-Jun-20 15:42:31

I think it reinforces the reasons you split up, tbh. flowers

Sooobooored Sun 28-Jun-20 15:43:18

I think that’s odd. Is he the type to be spiteful/cruel? Just get rid of the stuff and try not to give it any more thought although I can see why you might be upset.

Summerfortheages Sun 28-Jun-20 15:43:42

One of my exs did this to me. It felt like my ex wanted to hurt me not necessarily to provoke a reaction or reunion but to make me feel the way he felt. He said he couldn’t bear to look at those things again so he was giving them back.

I just threw them away myself without getting into a conversation about it, not worth the drama.

HansBanans Sun 28-Jun-20 15:53:33

I'd say that sounds like he is trying to make you feel guilty in an effort to get back together. My ex did something similar...

Justcallmebebes Sun 28-Jun-20 16:19:36

Sorry your relationship ended but his actions are very, very childish. Console yourself as it sounds like you made the right decision

Destroyedpeople Sun 28-Jun-20 16:21:03

That is very very childish you know.....

TheGoldenChild Sun 28-Jun-20 16:25:04

Some people like to rid themselves of any reminders of their exes.
My ex did the same he removed all trace off us off social media going back years, he got a new bed, new furniture, got rid of anything I had bought him over the years. It was hard and it really hurt me. I asked him years later after being on good speaking terms again why he did that an he said he found it easier to cope without any reminders of me at all.
Another ex of mine kept everything and still has photos of me on his social media to this day.

I don't think it means anything other than it's his way of getting through it.

OldWomanSaysThis Sun 28-Jun-20 16:33:14

Could it just mean he thought you would want it?

I think it's weird when people return photographs and cards or whatnot because they are moving or doing a deep cleaning. It's like they couldn't bring themselves to throw it away, so they return it to the originator. I am not sure if this is the same as a relationship breaking up. It's weird either way.

dadshere Sun 28-Jun-20 16:35:58

He is probably hurt that you ended the relationship, but doesn't know how to express it.

Isthisnothing Sun 28-Jun-20 16:37:24

My DH's ex-wife did this - she sent a selection of photos from when they were dating / wedding day and other mementoes via her daughter to our home. We opened them together expecting them to be photos of their children. I was extremely hurt; it was not nice to see them gazing into each others eyes on their wedding day.

She was trying to cause trouble. Your ex is trying to be spiteful or remind you of what you're missing.

Whenonedoorcloses Sun 28-Jun-20 17:40:52

Yeah, had similar from my ex. Give the items a new meaning. Maybe give them to charity? This isn't about you and is very vindictive, you dodged a bullet. Don't put a camp up feeling low over this, because that's what he wants, a reaction. Let your be something positive out of such a lame attempt. I think you know you took the best decision for you, and he isn't liking it.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants Sun 28-Jun-20 17:45:31

My XH did this. He was tight as a budgies's bum, and there were things he could have sold. He obvs decided on this occasion that hurting me was worth more than the cash. Designed to hurt IMHO.

AnnaNimmity Sun 28-Jun-20 17:57:23

Yes its horrible. One of my exes did that - he left the bag of stuff on my doorstep for me to find, which was lovely He kept the jewellery that he'd bought for me and gave it to his new girlfriend. She knew and posted on social media. How nice to receive an ex girlfriends jewellery!

All point scoring and spite.

My ex and I had a mug at his house with each of our initials on - he gave me my one back and kept his one. Afterwards he sent me an email to say how difficult he was finding it making coffee hmm

averythinline Sun 28-Jun-20 18:02:22

It may just be poor communication on his part... i did this to an ex...i just didnt want the reminders around- it was painful to me so wanted to get rid.....but some people keeping like keeping 'momentos' of their life - I thought he might .... and many years later found out he had kept a couple of things (mainly group photos with friends) ...if you dont want them just chuck 'em no skin off your nose either may/may not be spite ...

ChangedMyNameYetAgain Sun 28-Jun-20 18:54:19

I'd be quite happy if my ex did this.

He went further and slagged off something he'd bought me. As it was the best thing he'd bought me, giving the impression that he wouldn't have given OW something so shit still grates. I still have it and still use it though.

Slimerecipehell Sun 28-Jun-20 22:21:25

Thanks for all your replies, and I think you’re right, it does seem he has done it to hurt me, get a reaction. It’s nothing I can give to charity as it was all personal to him. He’s not the vindictive or game playing type and yes maybe he’s hurting but as someone said, this was part of the reason for splitting so he’s never going to explain his actions. Fresh start....

OP’s posts: |

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in