Partner goes to ex gf house to see child AIBU to complain

[Sumnerplay]

I've been with my partner nearly a year and his ex who he hasn't been with for nearly 2 years who he has a 3 year old little girl with will not let him see his daughter unless he goes to her house, we live together and she asks him to come down everyday and he goes whenever she asks as he doesn't want to say no to seeing his daughter, obviously I get crazy thoughts running thru my mind he assures me nothing happens as he doesn't look at her like that, would it be unreasonable for me to ask him to only go 3 times a week as when he is there he's goes at 9am till about 6pm he owns 2 business so doesn't have to go to work but I get so frustrated as I'm not allowed to meet his little girl as her mum thinks it's too soon yet she has men coming to her house for one night stands. It's not even like I can talk to her to suggest him having her at our house and I will go out as she is very aggressive towards me she's slashed my car tyres comments on the way I look thrown objects out of my car whilst stood at my window and told me she's going to ragdoll my child like a cat and roundhouse me in the face so I can't see if my little girl is okay and called her a cabbage patch doll. He's spoken to a solicitor and she is referred them to meditation which his ex has said she will not take part in so it will be going thru court, do I just wait and put up with her odd behaviour of forcing her ex to spend time with her until court is over or tell him how I feel and suggest him only seeing her 3 times a week or iam just being a horrible person

[MandB23]

I have no experience of this.
But my thoughts would be that you stay out of it.
Especially as it’s going to court.
I see it that no good can come from you interfering. Interfering is probably the wrong word because it’s impacting on your life.
If their was no sign of a solution any time soon then I’d say you need to do something about it. But seeing as though the ball is rolling with organising something officially - I’d say you should wait it out.
She sounds awful by the way!!!

[Cherrysoup]

Court order for proper access required. She needs to stop calling all the shots.

[excelledyourself]

You moved your kid in with a man after less than a years relationship?

No, you shouldn't suggest how often he sees his child.

But he should be going to court to get custody as she is clearly unstable.

Questionable parenting all round.

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1]

what did the police do about the tyre slashing and how did she know which car was yours?

He owns 2 businesses? Doesn't he have to be there overseeing stuff?

What stuff did she throw out of your car window and how did she manage to do that anyway if she doesn't come to your house? Were you in the car at the time?

what does ragdoll your daughter like a cat mean?

what does roundhouse me in the face mean?

When did she see your daughter, if she doesn't come to your house?


Can you be a bit more clear on the above please OP? It's a bit of a muddled thread and I can't make head or tail of a lot of it. I get that you're upset and your boyfriend needs to go through the courts to get proper access really.

[Smallsteps88]

she is very aggressive towards me she's slashed my car tyres comments on the way I look thrown objects out of my car whilst stood at my window and told me she's going to ragdoll my child like a cat and roundhouse me in the face so I can't see if my little girl is okay and called her a cabbage patch doll.

The best thing you will ever do for yourself and your child is leave this man and never look back. His ex is fucked up. I guarantee he is too. And the fact you’ve moved in with him suggests you are a bit too. Get your child and leave these assholes to ruin their own child. Keep yours well away from the circus.

[BilboBercow]

Run. This entire situation is a mess and he sounds dodgy AF.

[backseatcookers]

A few questions:

If she is actually having regular one night stands with random men with the daughter in the house why is your partner not fighting to be resident parent? A good man would want to do this - why doesn't he?

If she has slashed your tyres have you gone to the police?

If she has threatened your daughter have you gone to the police?

Why did you move him into your home with your children after less than a year?

Nobody is putting his daughter first. If you had any sense of priorities you'd be putting your children first and ending the relationship. But you'd rather feed into the drama by the sounds of it...

[DisobedientHamster]

@Smallsteps88

she is very aggressive towards me she's slashed my car tyres comments on the way I look thrown objects out of my car whilst stood at my window and told me she's going to ragdoll my child like a cat and roundhouse me in the face so I can't see if my little girl is okay and called her a cabbage patch doll.

The best thing you will ever do for yourself and your child is leave this man and never look back. His ex is fucked up. I guarantee he is too. And the fact you’ve moved in with him suggests you are a bit too. Get your child and leave these assholes to ruin their own child. Keep yours well away from the circus.

This! All for a man. A man. There are over 3bn of those in the world. Why on Earth are you not putting your kid and yourself above some guy you moved in after the dating equivalent of 5 minutes? Your standards are so low a flea could limbo under that. Dear god. Never understand women who will put up with shit like this just to have A Man in their lives.

[Sumnerplay]

I feel like I'm being personally attacked me and this man have known eachother our entire lives, and was together for 6 years we broke up for 4 years and each had our own children, we are in a loving caring stable relationship and I personally don't feel like it's too soon for us to have moved in together.

He goes on a weekend to oversee business matters

My partner had left something at home he needed and as I was going past her house he asked me to drop it off I wound my window down and she shot out of her house and started throwing things that were on my dash and car seat out, I was in the car at the time and that is how she knows which car is mine

Rag doll like a cat and roundhouse me are not terms I've ever used she's very immature and is a fair bit younger than myself but she means swing my child round by her legs then let go, and round house means kick in the face apprantly

She has seen my daughter when partners car was in the garage and I dropped him off, she saw her thru the window

The police said there was no evidence she had slashed my tyres so nothing they could do and again the threatening was verbal so no evidence

He isn't able to get residence of her as she will not let him leave her house with his child without her, but that is what he is wanting in court

[KeepingPlain]

He goes there from 9am til 6pm everyday, and has two businesses?

How is he running these businesses if he is with his child all day everyday?

This is either a wind up or he's cheating on you. There's no way he could run two businesses properly while seeing his daughter every day all day.

If this is the truth, I'd leave him. It just sounds like a really weird setup.

[Sumnerplay]

It's genuinely not a wind up, he insists he's not cheating on me, as long as I've known him he does nothing with his busniess' he owns a clothing shop and he does go there at 6.30 to make sure they're cashing up right but that's it really and the other on a weekend, I just wanted to know if I'm being stupid getting upset over it and feeling insecure and if it's unreasonable of me to ask him to spend less time with his daughter and a bit more with me

[KeepingPlain]

Owning a business takes a lot of work. You don't just sit back and let it go. There's something up either there or this ex girlfriend, or both. And he will insist he's not cheating, they very rarely admit it.

[Justcallmebebes]

Get a grip and look after your own child. That's your priority. Everything else sounds batshit

[excelledyourself]

and I personally don't feel like it's too soon for us to have moved in together.

But it clearly is, isn't it? Even if the history is true.

[Sooobooored]

He goes to her house all day every day?

What is he doing about how she is treating you?

I wouldn’t be telling him he can only go three days a week, I would be calling it a day.

Sorry it doesn’t sound like a stable relationship if he is with her all day and not you.

[Gazelda]

Wow, what a mess.

But in summary...
He is laid back business owner.
He spends very little time with you as hispartner
He spends all day every day with his daughter and his ex
He is taking her to court over access
You are in a stable and loving partnership that is so strong that you feel the decision to move your young child in with him, yet are suspecting him of infidelity
His ex has threatened you, threatened your child

So, why are you with him?

[NotaCoolMum]

Holy crap all around- what a shitshow . I’d run OP

[angieloumc]

Hmm, how do you know she has 'men going to her house for one night stands'? Is this was your 'partner' has told you?
Either way, it sounds a convoluted mess and if I were you I'd leave them to it and move out with your child.

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1]

What did your boyfriend do when his ex was making these threats and throwing your things around.

What was the thing that you took to him that he needed?

[Destroyedpeople]

The thing is....these threats about 'ragdoll' and 'roundhouse'....they could be real and if you stick around then your child is at risk.

[VeggieSausageRoll]

He goes on a weekend to oversee business matters

Cough grow house cough

[NotaCoolMum]

@VeggieSausageRoll 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[RB68]

best of out of that shit - what a drama, just leave him to it

[GarlicMcAtackney]

OP can you please use punctuation, your posts are almost indecipherable.

[NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1]

Yeah your updates aren't really convincning me that this is a relationship worth being in.

It all sounds like too much drama for me. Your poor daughter witnessing that scene :( What did your boyfriend do while she was doing that.