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Partner goes to ex gf house to see child AIBU to complain

(40 Posts)
Sumnerplay Sun 28-Jun-20 14:11:24

I've been with my partner nearly a year and his ex who he hasn't been with for nearly 2 years who he has a 3 year old little girl with will not let him see his daughter unless he goes to her house, we live together and she asks him to come down everyday and he goes whenever she asks as he doesn't want to say no to seeing his daughter, obviously I get crazy thoughts running thru my mind he assures me nothing happens as he doesn't look at her like that, would it be unreasonable for me to ask him to only go 3 times a week as when he is there he's goes at 9am till about 6pm he owns 2 business so doesn't have to go to work but I get so frustrated as I'm not allowed to meet his little girl as her mum thinks it's too soon yet she has men coming to her house for one night stands. It's not even like I can talk to her to suggest him having her at our house and I will go out as she is very aggressive towards me she's slashed my car tyres comments on the way I look thrown objects out of my car whilst stood at my window and told me she's going to ragdoll my child like a cat and roundhouse me in the face so I can't see if my little girl is okay and called her a cabbage patch doll. He's spoken to a solicitor and she is referred them to meditation which his ex has said she will not take part in so it will be going thru court, do I just wait and put up with her odd behaviour of forcing her ex to spend time with her until court is over or tell him how I feel and suggest him only seeing her 3 times a week or iam just being a horrible person

OP’s posts: |
MandB23 Sun 28-Jun-20 14:15:13

I have no experience of this.
But my thoughts would be that you stay out of it.
Especially as it’s going to court.
I see it that no good can come from you interfering. Interfering is probably the wrong word because it’s impacting on your life.
If their was no sign of a solution any time soon then I’d say you need to do something about it. But seeing as though the ball is rolling with organising something officially - I’d say you should wait it out.
She sounds awful by the way!!!

Cherrysoup Sun 28-Jun-20 14:45:50

Court order for proper access required. She needs to stop calling all the shots.

excelledyourself Sun 28-Jun-20 14:50:52

You moved your kid in with a man after less than a years relationship?

No, you shouldn't suggest how often he sees his child.

But he should be going to court to get custody as she is clearly unstable.

Questionable parenting all round.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Sun 28-Jun-20 14:54:14

what did the police do about the tyre slashing and how did she know which car was yours?

He owns 2 businesses? Doesn't he have to be there overseeing stuff?

What stuff did she throw out of your car window and how did she manage to do that anyway if she doesn't come to your house? Were you in the car at the time?

what does ragdoll your daughter like a cat mean?

what does roundhouse me in the face mean?

When did she see your daughter, if she doesn't come to your house?

Can you be a bit more clear on the above please OP? It's a bit of a muddled thread and I can't make head or tail of a lot of it. I get that you're upset and your boyfriend needs to go through the courts to get proper access really.

Smallsteps88 Sun 28-Jun-20 14:59:48

she is very aggressive towards me she's slashed my car tyres comments on the way I look thrown objects out of my car whilst stood at my window and told me she's going to ragdoll my child like a cat and roundhouse me in the face so I can't see if my little girl is okay and called her a cabbage patch doll.

The best thing you will ever do for yourself and your child is leave this man and never look back. His ex is fucked up. I guarantee he is too. And the fact you’ve moved in with him suggests you are a bit too. Get your child and leave these assholes to ruin their own child. Keep yours well away from the circus.

BilboBercow Sun 28-Jun-20 15:02:21

Run. This entire situation is a mess and he sounds dodgy AF.

backseatcookers Sun 28-Jun-20 15:13:52

A few questions:

If she is actually having regular one night stands with random men with the daughter in the house why is your partner not fighting to be resident parent? A good man would want to do this - why doesn't he?

If she has slashed your tyres have you gone to the police?

If she has threatened your daughter have you gone to the police?

Why did you move him into your home with your children after less than a year?

Nobody is putting his daughter first. If you had any sense of priorities you'd be putting your children first and ending the relationship. But you'd rather feed into the drama by the sounds of it...

DisobedientHamster Sun 28-Jun-20 15:18:04

Smallsteps88

*she is very aggressive towards me she's slashed my car tyres comments on the way I look thrown objects out of my car whilst stood at my window and told me she's going to ragdoll my child like a cat and roundhouse me in the face so I can't see if my little girl is okay and called her a cabbage patch doll.*

The best thing you will ever do for yourself and your child is leave this man and never look back. His ex is fucked up. I guarantee he is too. And the fact you’ve moved in with him suggests you are a bit too. Get your child and leave these assholes to ruin their own child. Keep yours well away from the circus.

This! All for a man. A man. There are over 3bn of those in the world. Why on Earth are you not putting your kid and yourself above some guy you moved in after the dating equivalent of 5 minutes? Your standards are so low a flea could limbo under that. Dear god. Never understand women who will put up with shit like this just to have A Man in their lives.

Sumnerplay Sun 28-Jun-20 15:52:51

I feel like I'm being personally attacked me and this man have known eachother our entire lives, and was together for 6 years we broke up for 4 years and each had our own children, we are in a loving caring stable relationship and I personally don't feel like it's too soon for us to have moved in together.

He goes on a weekend to oversee business matters

My partner had left something at home he needed and as I was going past her house he asked me to drop it off I wound my window down and she shot out of her house and started throwing things that were on my dash and car seat out, I was in the car at the time and that is how she knows which car is mine

Rag doll like a cat and roundhouse me are not terms I've ever used she's very immature and is a fair bit younger than myself but she means swing my child round by her legs then let go, and round house means kick in the face apprantly

She has seen my daughter when partners car was in the garage and I dropped him off, she saw her thru the window

The police said there was no evidence she had slashed my tyres so nothing they could do and again the threatening was verbal so no evidence

He isn't able to get residence of her as she will not let him leave her house with his child without her, but that is what he is wanting in court

OP’s posts: |
KeepingPlain Sun 28-Jun-20 16:06:24

He goes there from 9am til 6pm everyday, and has two businesses?

How is he running these businesses if he is with his child all day everyday?

This is either a wind up or he's cheating on you. There's no way he could run two businesses properly while seeing his daughter every day all day.

If this is the truth, I'd leave him. It just sounds like a really weird setup.

Sumnerplay Sun 28-Jun-20 16:10:00

It's genuinely not a wind up, he insists he's not cheating on me, as long as I've known him he does nothing with his busniess' he owns a clothing shop and he does go there at 6.30 to make sure they're cashing up right but that's it really and the other on a weekend, I just wanted to know if I'm being stupid getting upset over it and feeling insecure and if it's unreasonable of me to ask him to spend less time with his daughter and a bit more with me

OP’s posts: |
KeepingPlain Sun 28-Jun-20 16:13:55

Owning a business takes a lot of work. You don't just sit back and let it go. There's something up either there or this ex girlfriend, or both. And he will insist he's not cheating, they very rarely admit it.

Justcallmebebes Sun 28-Jun-20 16:15:16

Get a grip and look after your own child. That's your priority. Everything else sounds batshit

excelledyourself Sun 28-Jun-20 16:18:03

and I personally don't feel like it's too soon for us to have moved in together.

But it clearly is, isn't it? Even if the history is true.

Sooobooored Sun 28-Jun-20 16:18:15

He goes to her house all day every day?

What is he doing about how she is treating you?

I wouldn’t be telling him he can only go three days a week, I would be calling it a day.

Sorry it doesn’t sound like a stable relationship if he is with her all day and not you.

Gazelda Sun 28-Jun-20 16:19:58

Wow, what a mess.

But in summary...
He is laid back business owner.
He spends very little time with you as hispartner
He spends all day every day with his daughter and his ex
He is taking her to court over access
You are in a stable and loving partnership that is so strong that you feel the decision to move your young child in with him, yet are suspecting him of infidelity
His ex has threatened you, threatened your child

So, why are you with him?

NotaCoolMum Sun 28-Jun-20 16:22:14

Holy crap all around- what a shitshow shock. I’d run OP flowers

angieloumc Sun 28-Jun-20 16:23:27

Hmm, how do you know she has 'men going to her house for one night stands'? Is this was your 'partner' has told you?
Either way, it sounds a convoluted mess and if I were you I'd leave them to it and move out with your child.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Sun 28-Jun-20 16:24:36

What did your boyfriend do when his ex was making these threats and throwing your things around.

What was the thing that you took to him that he needed?

Destroyedpeople Sun 28-Jun-20 16:25:00

The thing is....these threats about 'ragdoll' and 'roundhouse'....they could be real and if you stick around then your child is at risk.

VeggieSausageRoll Sun 28-Jun-20 16:30:33

He goes on a weekend to oversee business matters

Cough grow house cough

NotaCoolMum Sun 28-Jun-20 16:34:10

@VeggieSausageRoll 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

RB68 Sun 28-Jun-20 16:34:47

best of out of that shit - what a drama, just leave him to it

GarlicMcAtackney Sun 28-Jun-20 16:37:28

OP can you please use punctuation, your posts are almost indecipherable.

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