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Feelings for someone else! ☹️

(8 Posts)
Olivia1987 Sun 28-Jun-20 13:40:03

I literally hate myself right now. I’m in a relationship and have been for over 6 years with my boyfriend. He’s the father to our son who will be 2 next month. We have a made ourselves a little life together and now out the blue I’m finding myself having feelings for someone else.

I don’t want to. I don’t want to feel like this and I’d never ever do anything. I’d never cheat but I feel so awful because I do like this other person and I know I shouldn’t.

My boyfriend loves me and he’s such an amazing father (now) it’s been a rough couple months. He just doesn’t show much love or appreciation but that’s just him and I’ve known that since I started going out with him. We mostly do what he wants when we have some free time. I try and let him have lie ins because he works late. I guess I’m lust a bit lonely. Not that this is an excuse but this other person actually talks to me. Haha

We have good conversations nothing flirty or anything but I know it’s getting a bit much. We speak about holidays and coffee lol my son. His dogs. Work. He’s a good friend. He’s kind and considerate. I just wish my boyfriend was a little bit more like that.

I ask him sometimes if maybe we can talk instead of watching TV or looking at our phones but he says we don’t really have anything to talk about. I am not in anyway trying to put him down at all. I love him. I think the spark is well and truly gone and I’m the only one who has been bothered by it. Well emotionally anyway. Physically he’s bothered by it (when it comes to sex) I really hate myself for feeling like this. The other guy doesn’t find me attractive at all he’s just being friendly and nice.

Please someone give me advice on how to deal with this. I feel sad about it all. I’m not back at work and I’m home a lot on my own. I haven’t told anyone how I feel about this guy.

The guilt is really getting to me. How bad I would feel if it was the other way around. I’m embarrassing him aren’t I. For being selfish.

Me and this guy talk a lot over social media so not so much in private. I do find myself feeling a buzz when he’s commented on something I posted or tags me in something.

I guess I just want some advice. I need a good slapping out of it haha.

Anyway thanks for reading. I feel a bit better for expressing my feelings.

OP’s posts: |
Crystalspider Sun 28-Jun-20 14:17:25

It's a mix of being unsatisfied emotiionally and lockdown boredom, I do think you need an honest chat with your bf how you are feeling, plan some suggestions how you can re-connect how you used to.

The other guy, I would stop intereacting with on social media as this is only fueling the fire and you need a clear mind on what you want to get from your relationship back on track or maybe you think it's come to the end of road.

Sugartitss Sun 28-Jun-20 16:37:54

You’re lacking something in your relationship and this is just a crush.

Aminuts23 Sun 28-Jun-20 16:49:36

OP I developed an attraction to an old friend when I was in a long term relationship. We used to chat a lot online. I knew it was more than friendship to me and although we never ever discussed anything about my relationship or sexual, it was for my part an emotional affair.
My ex was uncommunicative, selfish, abusive, lazy and rude. This friendship highlighted for me everything that was wrong at home. I never cheated, I never even met up with my friend whilst I was with my ex. But the attention, conversation and the valuing of my opinions helped me decide to leave.
I don’t believe I would never have developed these feelings for my friend if I was truly happy, if I’d felt in any way valued or respected.
Have a better look at your relationship. Are you really happy? It sounds to me like you are dancing to your DPs tune and trying to keep him happy all the time. What about you? Does he do considerate things for you?
Your feelings for your friend will pass, mine did. But they have developed for a reason

category12 Sun 28-Jun-20 16:54:30

Perhaps suggest board games or card games with your boyfriend, so you're interacting?

Olivia1987 Sun 28-Jun-20 19:43:31

Sugartitss

You’re lacking something in your relationship and this is just a crush.

I think you’re right. I actually told my mum all about it today because I just feel so guilty all the time. She just said that my boyfriend needs to be more proactive and if this person will talk to me and my boyfriend doesn’t really then that’s just a friendship. We don’t flirt or anything like that. I don’t find him sexually attractive either but definitely emotionally. I’m hoping when I see him it’ll pass and that’s that.

OP’s posts: |
Olivia1987 Sun 28-Jun-20 20:18:11

Aminuts23

OP I developed an attraction to an old friend when I was in a long term relationship. We used to chat a lot online. I knew it was more than friendship to me and although we never ever discussed anything about my relationship or sexual, it was for my part an emotional affair.
My ex was uncommunicative, selfish, abusive, lazy and rude. This friendship highlighted for me everything that was wrong at home. I never cheated, I never even met up with my friend whilst I was with my ex. But the attention, conversation and the valuing of my opinions helped me decide to leave.
I don’t believe I would never have developed these feelings for my friend if I was truly happy, if I’d felt in any way valued or respected.
Have a better look at your relationship. Are you really happy? It sounds to me like you are dancing to your DPs tune and trying to keep him happy all the time. What about you? Does he do considerate things for you?
Your feelings for your friend will pass, mine did. But they have developed for a reason

What an excellent way to put it. I am definitely dancing around his tune. I’m so used to it now. When I had our son I was so scared he was going to leave because it was hard work I just started doing as much as I could so he’d stay. I love him I really do. It’s my own fault, I made my bed and now I’ve got to lie in it. I haven’t done anything NG wrong. Nor has this other guy. He doesn’t know any of this is going on in my brain. He’s just a really nice person who asks how I am haha. Oh dear.

OP’s posts: |
SeaEagleFeather Tue 30-Jun-20 08:08:13

It’s my own fault, I made my bed and now I’ve got to lie in it

You don't, you know. If you're financially trapped that's a different matter, but you don't have to stay just because you are with an un-sharing and unrewarding man that you have to dance around and do everything for.

you have the power and -can- change this.

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