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Would you date someone earning less than you?

(139 Posts)
DreamChaser23 Sat 27-Jun-20 22:01:04

but they were a good person and paid their way?

What is the least you could consider?

OP’s posts: |
DreamChaser23 Sat 27-Jun-20 22:01:47

For a long term relationship

OP’s posts: |
frog22 Sat 27-Jun-20 22:05:28

Depends on the career they had and why they were on a much lower salary than me.

Dazedandconfused10 Sat 27-Jun-20 22:05:57

I've never dated someone who earns more than me. I've always made a point to not rely on someone else to keep a roof over my head. I chose partners on who they are not what they bring home each month

Toohardtofindaproperusername Sat 27-Jun-20 22:07:46

The.reverse is ..would you date someone who earned more than you? Both seem ludicrous questions to me. I'd date someone I fancied (given half a chance)
Strange question.... what makes u ask?

Nackajory Sat 27-Jun-20 22:08:34

As l9ng as b9th parties are earning and not reliand on or exploiting the other, who cares?

Finfintytint Sat 27-Jun-20 22:08:47

I gravitated towards someone who earned roughly the same.

octobersky19 Sat 27-Jun-20 22:08:50

I did, I married him. He's now in a really well paid job and earns more than me, and can support me while I'm at university

Money is money, love means so much more

Greylife Sat 27-Jun-20 22:09:26

Someone’s always got to earn less in a relationship?

So of course. As long as they weren’t lazy with no ambition. But then I couldn’t do the whole housewife thing or rely on someone else to pay my way so as long as they could fund themselves, I don’t care.

Summerhillsquare Sat 27-Jun-20 22:09:51

Of course. These things are not static, wages change. Would you dump someone who suddenly earned less?

SallyWD Sat 27-Jun-20 22:09:51

Of course. It wouldn't be an issue at all.

FenellaVelour Sat 27-Jun-20 22:10:00

Well yes, I’ve been married to him for 13 years.
He works hard, I just happen to be in a profession that earns more.
Someone has to, after all. Why should it be an issue if the woman earns more?

PAND0RA Sat 27-Jun-20 22:10:04

Of course. The only way to avoid dating someone who earns more or less than you is to only date those who earn exactly the same.

How exactly would you organise that?

bluebluezoo Sat 27-Jun-20 22:11:04

Why do men marry women that don’t earn as much as they do?

BlingLoving Sat 27-Jun-20 22:19:56

Dh never earned as much. Together 15 years. No issues. Because we are partners, we both step up as needed.

I wont lie and say it hasn't had issues at times. As a man, he was brought up to believe he has to support a family and it has been hard at times to adjust. But I think we have made it work.

jackstini Sat 27-Jun-20 22:21:28

Yes. Have not dated anyone who earned more than me since 19ish
DH earned less then after 3 redundancies we decided he would be a SAHD - take over all housework and school runs

pallasathena Sat 27-Jun-20 22:22:34

No, I personally wouldn't but that's because of a previous experience which resulted in me working full time and being responsible for the children, home, finances, twat of a husband plus everything else.
I was on my own for several years after that divorce and determined to never compromise my wellbeing ever again.
As a result: I don't do sentiment.
I don't do anything except respectful equality.
Luckily, I found it...eventually.

colouringindoors Sat 27-Jun-20 22:23:12

er, yeah!

ellifjg Sat 27-Jun-20 22:26:17

My last relationship was with someone who earned more than me. Every other man I've dated or been in a relationship with has earned less. And in each and every case it became a bone of contention, a stick to metaphorically beat me with.

Even my recent ex, although he earned more, had no assets whereas I own my own home with no mortgage, which inequality also caused him to feel uncomfortable.

If I ever date again, I think I'm going to have to try and find someone who out earns me and has more assets, because whilst it would be nice to think oh I'll just go for a man who is secure enough not to feel upset or threatened by me having more money, I've yet to meet one!

Babdoc Sat 27-Jun-20 22:28:27

Yup, married him! He was the love of my life, and we had 16 wonderful years together before his untimely death at 36.
Salary is irrelevant - he worked hard, was utterly loving and a great husband and father to our two babies. I was a hospital doctor, he was in IT, so I earned approx double his wage.
It’s so sad that he died when the DC were still in nappies, so they have no direct memories of him.
I think husbands’ salaries only mattered in the olden days when women were dependent housewives and had to rely completely on their DH to finance them. Nowadays we have the luxury of choosing a man for his personal qualities and companionship, not his pay packet!

Elouera Sat 27-Jun-20 22:29:11

OP- When you are introduced or meet for the 1st time, is that the 1st question you ask 'What are you earning???' When I went on dates, I'd had no idea how much someone earnt!

DH and I have fluctuated with him earning more initially, then me when I was promoted, now him again as I've had time off. Someones current wage isn't something I'd considered for a long term relationship if I liked the person, they were nice and we got on confused

Doyoumind Sat 27-Jun-20 22:30:22

Yes. It hasn't been something I've even thought about but I would be put off by someone with zero ambition.

Turnedouttoes Sat 27-Jun-20 22:32:44

I actually think this is a really tricky subject.

For me ambition is the important thing and a drive to do well and succeed. I wouldn’t care if someone I dated was a bin man but they would want to become the top bin man and run their own bin company.

A few years ago I did date someone who for various reasons had significantly less disposable income than I did and after a while it did get slightly tedious. For example, he didn’t want to go out for dinner or get a takeaway once in a while or anything else that cost money. We got on so well (and this wasn’t the reason it ended) but in the early days I didn’t want to spend every evening we were together sat on his sofa watching TV. I’m honestly not demanding at all and would be very happy with cheap dates but he literally didn’t want to spend a penny

Akea Sat 27-Jun-20 22:36:51

I did/do in both my long term relationships. I don't like having most of the financial burden but it is what it is (especially since I'm not great with managing stress). I do resent my DP for this a little because he could learn a new skill or improve his existing ones and get something better paid but he doesn't like the process of learning anything...especially since he is also addicted to games and who would give that up for boring courses.....
Funny thing.. I always wanted to be a housewife but never had the chance.. oh well... maybe one day

Lurchermom Sat 27-Jun-20 22:41:27

Surely someone has to earn the lower salary...why can it only be you? Wouldn't get very far if everyone had this opinion!

Besides, people's jobs change. My husband earns nearly £40k more than he did when I met him. I used to earn a good bit more than I do now. We support each other throughout all the changes in our working lives.

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