Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Moving in together

3 replies

medbel · 27/06/2020 08:37

I could so with some advice, I have been divorced for 5 years now and I have 2 children an 8 and a 9 year old. My ex husband was very manipulative and controlling and I still and probably always will carry a fair amount of baggage around with me regarding that. Anyway about 4 years ago I met a lovely man who had been in a similar situation to me and is therefore very understanding of my many issues regarding relationships. His house has been on the market for quite some time and he finally has a buyer (he is selling it as it is part of his divorce settlement) so we are in a position now that he could either move in with me or rent a property. I really want to believe that after all this time I am ready to move in with another man but I am scared it all goes wrong. My ex husband turned out to be such a jerk once we started living together and got married. My children adore my partner so they are not the issue it is me. He is hesitating too as we are both feeling once bitten twice shy. We have a loving relationship and have been on holiday together etc but moving in? I just dont know ...

OP posts:

Report

Mintjulia · 27/06/2020 08:49

If your partner is selling his house, I assume he will have half of the value in a savings account.

Why not ask him to put most of his furniture into store and move in with you on a “see how we go” basis.
If it works, great, if it doesn’t, he has the funds to rent while he looks for a place to buy.
You could tell your children he is staying with you while he looks for a new house. That gives both of you the chance to live together with an easy exit strategy if other of you are uncomfortable.

Unless there is something specific that is worrying you. Even if you can’t put your finger on it yet.

Report

category12 · 27/06/2020 09:03

If you're not ready, you're not ready. You don't have to live together. If it works well as it is, why change things?

It's nice having your own space and not being accountable to anyone but yourself, and not ending up doing the "wifework" for a man.

Report

medbel · 27/06/2020 09:05

Thank you that's a good idea, I think we are both being cautious and a trial period could work. My kids are old enough to understand this, they both love him and are keen for us to spend more time together.