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Financially dependant

(7 Posts)
Roughtseas Sat 27-Jun-20 03:14:56

I’m looking for advice for some others who may have been in a similar situation. I worked outside the hone for most of my marriage until a time when my health became pretty hard to deal with a chronic condition . I was fortunate enough that we were in a pretty good financial position and I was able to stop work
Over the past few years my husbands business has grown quite large and he enjoys his work . However he likes to frequently remind me that he works for me and to ‘look after me because I can’t look after myself ‘ which is completely untrue as I would be financially independent if we were to split. He’s very financially dominant.
I feel like rubbish , just worthless and horrible . I’m sorry just feeling down today

OP’s posts: |
PurBal Sat 27-Jun-20 03:25:55

Hugs! I've had this with DH but we've definitely "had it out". For DH he has traditional values of being male and therefore being the breadwinner and he felt emasculated when I earnt more than him. Could it be the same for you? Sometimes I've had to point out the "facts" to DH when he's said very similar to yours about me not being able to look after myself. And also that it's rude and belittling to say things that "put me down" especially when they are wholly untrue. I used to live alone and was perfectly able to manage for years without him. I've saved more than him (he's a spendthrift). Anyway, it comes up fairly regularly and I have to tell him he doesnt need to be the breadwinner and to get a grip.

JustC Sat 27-Jun-20 05:57:12

Op, have you actually told him to stop this type of 'lines' as it's demeaning and misogynistic?

Roughtseas Sat 27-Jun-20 12:24:38

Yes we have had several arguments about it and also I’ve tried telling him in calmer moments . He says he’s sorry , doesn’t mean it t sound like I take it or just said it in anger during an argument etc
Today I was in tears out of pure frustration that he said it yet again and he just sits there says he didn’t mean it but it rings hollow . There’s no comfort from him no acknowledgement of why I feel this way just. Maybe I’m i overly sensitive . I just can’t tell if I’m being reasonable anymore

OP’s posts: |
Arrivederla Sat 27-Jun-20 13:02:43

I'm not a fan of aggressive shouting but I really think you need to lose your shit with him. He is not listening and doesn't care about how you feel. angry

JustC Sat 27-Jun-20 14:27:26

Well, by all means loose your shit on him. You are not being over sensitive, this is a major bone. His views are quite 18 century. Jesus, I've been a SAHM for 7 years, never once did my husband make me feel like he is the bread winner and he takes care of me financially or any such crap. He will even get annoyed if I say 'your money, your decission ' when he's deciding on geting smth for himslef. Not that I don't want to strangle him for various other reasons 😁

stealm Sat 27-Jun-20 17:02:12

Did he not mean the "in sickness and in health" bit when you got married?
He's working for both of you surely. Just as you were also working for both of you when you were well enough to do so.
You need to have it out with him again. His attitude stinks.

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