Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Aaaaaargh!

8 replies

CheshireChat · 26/06/2020 22:51

As that's how I'm feeling after trying to sort out visiting arrangements with my ex.

He wants all the Christmases and birthdays, any pick up time and date is fine if it suits him, but I can't take our son on holiday or want to have some weekend time or anything .

So aaaargh .

I don't want to bloody argue, I don't even want to go to court if he was in the least reasonable, I just want to have minimal, civilised contact.

Not even sure why I've posted, handhold? Advice?

OP posts:

Report

Aquamarine1029 · 26/06/2020 22:54

He wants all Christmases and birthdays? Is he having a laugh? You need to buck up and go to court. Clearly this is the only way you can deal with him. He's trying to control you, which I'm guessing is not a new thing.

Report

CheshireChat · 26/06/2020 23:01

Nope, main reason I'm not with him anymore actually.

Funny how it's the first thing you picked up on as well (you get or as a reward ).

Contacted mediation today actually, he doesn't know yet! Hope that he'll back off if someone else calls him out on his behaviour, but I'm not particularly hopeful at this point.

I'm just tired!

OP posts:

Report

RLEOM · 26/06/2020 23:28

Please do not give in to his ridiculous demands. Do mediation and if there's one false move, go to court. He seems like an unreasonable so and so.

Report

CheshireChat · 27/06/2020 13:00

I think his demands are so ridiculous that it's easier to say no in a way, but still friggin' exhausting.

How easy is it to get things sorted at court? I can't afford a lawyer all the way if the sums online are anything to go by.

OP posts:

Report

Joistlooking · 27/06/2020 16:47

Hopefully someone will come along who understands court procedure better than me and can properly advise. However, the ex of a friend of mine is being completely unreasonable but in a different way : in that he wants the house sold and he keep all the equity, and there is a lot, because he put down most of the deposit, even though they have a DC who lives with my friend. His solution to providing a roof over his DC's head is for my friend to get a council house or for their DC to live with his mother!! My friend has consulted a solicitor but can't afford to go to court. The solictor's advice was to defend herself in court because ex is being such a twat (my term, not the solicitors's) that she doesn't need legal support in court.

It sounds like OPs ex is being equally a that.

Report

Joistlooking · 27/06/2020 16:48

Twat not that

Report

AttilaTheMeerkat · 27/06/2020 16:53

Go to court.

Like many abusers he still wants to maintain power and control over you even after separating from him and will use the child to do so. They do this as further "punishment" to you for having the gall to leave him, this to he being the most perfect of men.

I would not do mediation with a controlling person; infact its never advised if this is the case. You are emotionally not safe enough to embark on any form of mediation with him either. He will likely try and manipulate both you and the mediator further during this so the process will fail.

Would suggest you contact the Rights of Women organisation as they can give legal advice and signpost you in the right direction.

Report

CheshireChat · 28/06/2020 15:55

Thanks for the advice, I'll call Rights of Women on Tuesday (first day they're open!) and see what they suggest.

This could've been so easy had he not been a twat. Of course, if he hadn't been a twat, I wouldn't have got rid .