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Now he wants me to pay his debt!

(28 Posts)
funnylittlefloozie Fri 26-Jun-20 17:52:22

This is completely ridiculous, isnt it?

My STBxH and i separated nearly 5 years ago. He moved out, DD and i stayed here. I paid the mortgage, he paid the council tax, utilities, broadband, etc. Never asked for maintenance, because it would have come to about the same amount as he was spending on the bills, so seemed a bit pointless (hollow laugh). He saw DD sometimes, every other week to start with but then less and less, as she got older wnd had her own life, and so did he. He's seen her a handful of times since last November.

We are finally trying to come to a financial arrangement, and get divorced. The only asset is the house, with about 250k of equity. He is a contractor in IT, and earns well (80-100k on average for the last 10 years). I am a civil servant and earn roughly a quarrter of that.

I originally suggested that we split the equity 60:40 in my favour, as i had to house DD and have lower earning power. He went absolutely ballistic, saying i was "disgusting" for suggesting this, and that only 50:50 was fair.

He now says he will consider 60:40, but only if we pay off 30k of debt first that he has apparently accumulated in the last 5 years paying "my" household bills after separation. This is totally unreasonable, isnt it? He would get laughed out of court, wouldn't he?

Please don't have a go if i'm wrong, im really stressed out about this.

OP’s posts: |
Sunnydayshereatlast Fri 26-Jun-20 17:54:32

Add up how much cms he should have paid.
Then tell him to pay up and you can discuss his debts then.

nancybotwinbloom Fri 26-Jun-20 18:02:01

If you haven't already you need to apply
For CMS as it can only be actions from the day you apply.

They won't backdate.

NoMoreDickheads Fri 26-Jun-20 18:03:01

You're not wrong, he agreed to pay that money, it wasn't a loan.

TrustTheGeneGenie Fri 26-Jun-20 18:05:25

He is being unreasonable. That's his debt and his problem. If he hadn't wanted to pay the bills he should have stopped. He'd have had to pay maintenance obviously so I would point out just that, it would have made no difference. I don't think 60/40 is unreasonable either.

BobbieDraper Fri 26-Jun-20 18:07:07

You're not going to be able to work this out between you.

Call CMS now (they used to be open till 8PM so if that's still the case then you can get the ball rolling right now).
Wait until CMS contact him; thats when they can start calculating from, and then cancel all his payments and you pay for them.

Also, add up all the CMS he should have paid and see how much that is, then add up what he has been paying in bills. Just so you can see if there is a dramatic difference and if you're feeling generous, offer him the difference from the equity.

But really; get legal advice and do it that way. Dont hash it out between you; get legal help with it.

Fiveasidefootballfamily Fri 26-Jun-20 18:08:58

He’s perhaps only saying that because you’re after a higher % of equity. I personally would think 50:50 is fair. He earns more but that probably means he contributed to paying more of the equity in the first place. If he has paid bills equivalent to cms, then he has done his duty there. Whether he paid it from his salary or got into debt, doesn’t really matter to you.

Although you have the child to house, I think it is unreasonable to expect more than 50:50 and especially when he will have to continue to pay maintenance. Go through cms if you’re in any doubt about him paying the minimum going forward.

You split 5 years ago so I would personally be ready for a clean break now. You say he is earning 80-100k for the last ten years but half of that you weren’t together.

OneEpisode Fri 26-Jun-20 18:09:53

If you were able to join your employers pension that would be an asset too. They would be able to provide a valuation. If he has a private pension, ditto. I’m not sure if the valuation is as of separation or divorce.. clever people on here would know.,

dontdressme Fri 26-Jun-20 18:11:46

You say he is earning 80-100k for the last ten years but half of that you weren’t together.

It’s about the child!

Legal advice OP. Do not pass go, so not collect £200. flowers

NoMoreDickheads Fri 26-Jun-20 18:12:55

If he's payed more than CMS would state (which can tend to be ludicrously low) that was his choice and you don't owe him that money in any way.

Joy69 Fri 26-Jun-20 18:36:38

Stick to your guns here. I had this issue with my ex & had to really dig my heels in. If he had, had his way we would be living in the drug area of town just so he could get his perceived share. I ended up with 50/50 split & he doesn't pay maintenance. Tbh I know I could get it, but it was worth managing alone so that I didn't have to hear the Wo is me whine. He is on 4 times my salary, but up to his eyeballs in debt & also wanted to put it on the mortgage before we sold (he had no intention of selling) Luckily I came to my senses & got myself a good solicitor for the financial bit ( did the actual divorce online & didn't get a penny off him .. tight as . ....) Stay strong, it is hard, but will be soooo worth it flowers

TheBitchOfTheVicar Fri 26-Jun-20 18:37:02

* He earns more but that probably means he contributed to paying more of the equity in the first place.*

But that is likely to be because OP raised their child. And when you are married, it isn't about individual financial contributions.

MrsMoastyToasty Fri 26-Jun-20 18:39:45

Tell him Citizens Advice is thata way.

TorkTorkBam Fri 26-Jun-20 18:40:31

See a solicitor.

Yes he would be laughed out of court.

tara66 Fri 26-Jun-20 18:55:18

You would get about 80% of the house value if you go through the authority with helps with divorce arrangements or solicitor. You are not liable for his debts Get legal advice - free if possible.

Fluffycloudland77 Fri 26-Jun-20 19:01:04

Dhs ex tried to stick him for £50k personal debt and the courts said personal debt was her problem.

LexMitior Fri 26-Jun-20 19:04:19

Ignore Fiveasidefootballfamily!

You need to see a solicitor now. Ignore CMS, you can apply for CM and indeed SM via the court because of what he earns.

Yes he would be laughed at. 60/40 is okay, but you can do far better for your child on the facts you have stated here.

The family court is full of Mr 50 percent. They don’t win and the legal profession make a lot of money from them. You can do better.

janj2301 Fri 26-Jun-20 19:10:04

50/50 IS NOT FAIR. Your earning position is much lower than his, it could be argued that that is because you reduced hours/look time off for child care. My friend got 60/40 because of her lower earnings potential

Littlegoth Fri 26-Jun-20 19:11:00

If he’s an IT contractor am I right in thinking that like most IT contractors, he’s paid through his own ltd company, on minimum wage salary and pays himself the rest in dividends?

If that’s the case then the CMS payment may not be very high at all as they don’t include dividends in calculations initially so it would be calculated on the taxable salary only. If this is the case I definitely wouldn’t consider accepting a lesser share of the marital property, or pay back the money he’s contributed for his children via the bills (which is ridiculous and you shouldn’t consider anyway!). Make sure you request a variation from CMS to make sure dividends are considered.

Good luck x

averylongtimeago Fri 26-Jun-20 19:12:57

What you need is a SHL- don't try and work it out on your own, get professional advice.
And stuff being "nice" or "fair" as STBXH obviously isn't.

Reluctantcavedweller Fri 26-Jun-20 19:19:56

Get legal advice, otherwise it sounds like he's likely to bully you into agreeing to a lot less than you might be entitled to.

The primary consideration in most 'normal' divorce settlements (i.e. those not involving the super rich) is the needs of any dependent children (including housing needs). Equality doesn't tend to come into it until those needs are met. So if you need 60/40 or even 70/30 to house you and DD adequately, you'd stand a good chance of getting this.

MooseBeTimeForSummer Fri 26-Jun-20 19:24:49

You need proof of your mortgage borrowing capacity and particulars of suitable properties, if you haven’t got them already. You also have to be realistic. You only need two bedrooms.

He is the greater earner and will be able to borrow much more. His personal debt is not your problem.

Does he have pensions?

carly2803 Fri 26-Jun-20 20:19:04

dont forget his pension

remind him of that he will soon change his tune....

60-40 your favour is fair!

get legal advice, do not agree to anything!

user1481840227 Fri 26-Jun-20 20:36:24

He's being stupid. He paid the bills as maintenance. Loads of people have informal maintenance agreements which would be done that way, pay bills instead of a different sum for maintenance.

A judge would think he was thick as shit if he tried to make out he was just paying your bills to be kind and that it was just a loan...and that he thought he didn't have to pay maintenance.

I think you should try to go for higher than 60%. Ignore him calling you disgusting lol He's just being an idiot.

MadinMarch Sat 27-Jun-20 10:54:51

Bloody Hell! Of course you shouldn't be paying off any of his debts!
We can't really comment about what you should go for as a 'fair' split but he's obviously a long way off agreeing anything reasonable, and you really need to get advice from a very good lawyer.
It sounds as though he could stop paying maintenance in the future if he thinks he's being treated unfairly, so it may be best for you to go in with a mainly upfront and high settlement. Your wage is fairly small to support a child throughout childhood and possibly university etc so don't feel bad about asking for me. You're certainly not 'disgusting' to do so. Definitely speak to a lawyer!

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