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HELP!!!!

(12 Posts)
crkm Tue 25-Sep-07 19:55:59

having a depressed pmt day today. and to top it off dh came home from work with an invitation to a work do this thursday. Partners are never usually invited to these things and it doesnt bother me as they have never been that welcoming in the past. I really dont want to go - i desperately need to go the hairdressers but never have the time or the money (dh gives me 'pocket money' each month as i dont work, well I look after my four kids, but it doesnt go far), i have nothing to wear and a face full of spots that are worse than when i was a teenager. plus i have no conversation except the benefits of breastfeeding, how and when to potty train and a six year olds reading ability!!!! I dont go anywhere except baby swimming and mums and tots, and i dont do anything except school runs and housework!! And dh wonders why I dont want to go and has gone out in a stress!!! Oh the joys of being a housewife. I just cant do this wife of manager stuff!!!! any kind words to make me smile. all i want to do is cry! sad

WinkyWinkola Tue 25-Sep-07 20:20:23

I know exactly how you feel. I dread these does. My DH works in the City and there's always sleek, sophisticated, deeply intelligent and knowledgeable beauties draped about the event.

I was in tears to my mum last night about the same sort of stuff. I'm no longer the vivacious entertaining wrinkle free gal.

She gave me some good advice - that you don't see the benefits of all your graft until your kids are at least 12. Then you can live for yourself again. And other mums know exactly how you feel. You're doing an amazing job but it demands the most sacrifice from you personally. Four kids? You're brilliant!

Meanwhile, if you feel you look cr*p then at the very least get your hair done. It works wonders. Mobile hairdressers are cheaper than salon. Look in your local paper and get DH to pay. And do a face mask tonight as that'll give any outbreaks a chance to clear or reduce by Thursday.

Borrow your outfit from a friend. They must have something you can wear.

Being bright, smiley and a listening ear will always get you through these kinds of events. People love a listener. Right now it doesn't sound like you're up for sparkling chat.. . . . . .

And this Saturday night, is there anyway you and DH can go out together just the two of you? Make it special so he and you can just enjoy your time together? Much more fun than a work do. . .. .

Let us know how you get on.

crkm Tue 25-Sep-07 21:20:23

thank you for that. feel better for just getting it off my chest. you are right of course there are options to all problems. And you never know maybe those young, confident, career minded girls dh works with may just like to hear about kiddies and not office gossip? maybe........?

HappyWoman Tue 25-Sep-07 21:22:21

Hi

I really feel for you - I too have 4 and so know just how soul destroying you feel your life is.

Feel good that your dh wants you to go (he must be proud of you at least - even if you cant see it yet).

All good advice from WW, you are doing the most fantastic job in the world - you are creating the next generation.

As for conversation i will often read the newspaper on the day or listen to the news and try and think of something interesting to say even if it is trivial.

I bet you are far more interesting than you think.

I really hope you 'make the effort' and go and have a fabulous time (at least it is at someone elses expense)!!!!!!!

RosaLuxembourg Tue 25-Sep-07 22:43:11

Tell him you really want to go but you haven't got anything suitable to wear and you have to have your hair done, so he will need to cough up some dosh. He's a bloke, he won't even think of this aspect of it if you don't spell it out.
As for having nothing to talk about, you probably have a far more interesting interior life than a bunch of office drones with their heads stuck in a spreadsheet all day.
You go girl. And don't sit on a paintbox just before you leave the house.

crkm Wed 26-Sep-07 12:23:20

Have just emailed dh at work to say i will go tomorrow. no time for shopping or hairdressers though!! Thanks for the sound advice. am feeling better today. My two year old dd told me i looked pretty today - see what happens when you put a skirt on!!! - made me smile. bless her. Here's to a night out at an Italian with dh and his colleagues.

hanaflower Wed 26-Sep-07 12:28:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cappuccino Wed 26-Sep-07 12:30:28

POCKET MONEY?????????

no it should be all split 50:50 you should have as much money as him

you are looking after his kids fgs

pocket money. christ he needs to wake up

Acinonyx Wed 26-Sep-07 13:25:56

My eyes also popped at 'pocket money'. All disposable income should be split 50:50 and you should know where it's all going.

Also - it's not just SAHMs who feel lost in these situations. As a mum, I see very little of dh's colleagues now and that makes me less enthusiastic about meeting up. Also, even though I have some WOHM, that doesn't actually make an especially good topic of conversation and I still feel like a different species from the majority of his female colleagues who don't have kids (at least not yet).

Interesting idea about reading a paper or something that day. Jill

PatsyCline Wed 26-Sep-07 13:26:03

A big shock re the pockey money. I am in same situation as you, but I would have a fit if my DH offered me pocket money! You share your children, you share your responsibilities, you share the money that comes in - end of story.

I only have the two children, but one has been extremely ill and the way you talk about yourself sounds like me at my lowest ebb. How you feel about yourself as a woman rather than 'just' a mum is really important. How about booking in to have your hair done (regularly!)and joining in on one of the 'ten years younger' bootcamps? They're great fun.

You're doing a hard job and you deserve to feel better about yourself, missus!

Have a great time tomorrow.

Patsy x

crkm Wed 26-Sep-07 17:17:29

i know i know!!! the 'pocket money ' winds me up too. but we have a limited income and he has the same amount as me (supposedly - i have caught him out once or twice) - all the rest goes in joint account for bills etc. I do get the child allowance but use it for kids stuff not for me. Looking forward to the day when i can have a little job of my own. just a matter of interest though what do other SAHM's do about savings and pensions? I have no money to speak of so cant put any into savings or pension. It worries me that i have nothing to fall back on if needed!

HappyWoman Thu 27-Sep-07 07:21:12

You should really know where all the money is going. You have 'caught him out' so he is not always honest wiht the money.

It is important to make sure you have enough for you and the children and it is hard at times. Does he give you extra for birthdays and christmas or do you have to budget for those as well?

I have complete control in the house and if anything it is me giving h 'pocket money' but he has full access to all our money anyway. We work together as a team some months are better than others and we will always 'treat' ourselves if there is enough cash. We only have problems if things get a bit tight and then cant always agree what is 'necessary'.

You will be getting credits towards your state pension because of the child allowance but you could look into a small saving scheme. Also encourage H to do the same - it soon mounts up.

good luck for tonight.

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