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Dh getting and sending porn pics

(121 Posts)
Jossen Thu 25-Jun-20 18:10:04

Hi. I’ve NC as use this forum a lot and don’t want to be recognised. I’ve been with my dh since I was 19, we are both 40. We’ve had minor ups and downs over the years but I wouldn’t say anything different to what other couples do. We have 2 amazing dc he’s a great dad and like I said apart from the odd argument we get on really well, things are good in the bedroom department etc. So, for a while now he has been getting messages off random work friends with silly pop up pics, like 10 second clips of porn vids, rude memes and videos of women flashing their boobs etc. Now before anyone accuses me (just assuming) of looking at his messages, we share a laptop and he often forgets to log his messenger out so when I login it’s right there. Plus he knows I’ve seen them and to be honest I have usually just laughed it off and called him immature. Thankfully the laptop is password protected and our kids don’t use it. But anyway I logged in this morning and he must have been on the laptop last night as a message was left open. It was a 10 second clip of a woman giving a BJ that he’d been sent and he then sent it to 4 other friends. I only see the message he’d been sent and didn’t click on any of his mates names who he’d sent it to. For the first time it actually bothered me. He’s hardly a young man in his 20’s just having a laugh with the lads he’s a grown man. I raised the subject with him before when our kids were out of ear shot and he just laughed it off and said it’s only a joke and a “lads thing”. I trust him 100% and honestly don’t think there’s anything more to it than him being a perv and a bit childish sending messages like this to his mates, but I’m irritated. Thoughts?

OP’s posts: |
Persiaclementine Thu 25-Jun-20 19:03:56

My bf gets videos like these,its not harmful for us, depends how you feel about it

Helpmemoveon76844 Thu 25-Jun-20 19:09:01

Em... I would hate it. If he was being sent it and went along with it for the sake of being one of the lads I would not be happy .... But the forwarding it is just not a good look on a 40 year old father of two.

That's my personal view. If I dated someone who did this... I would almost definitely break off any future relationship.

Aquamarine1029 Thu 25-Jun-20 19:09:31

It's not a "lad's thing." It's an immature, twattish, fuckwit thing. Fgs, he's 40 acting like a idiotic 14 year old. It's pathetic.

fantasmasgoria1 Thu 25-Jun-20 19:14:18

My fiance has blocked a couple of his colleagues messenger for this because he's not interested. I remember a man at a pub he was chatting to a couple of years back (I was chatting to someone else) show him his phone. I turned around to see him turn away with an embarrassed look on his face. I asked him what was thd matter and he told me the man had showed him a porn clip and he said I just don't get the fascination between some men sharing such stuff! I would expect a teenager to do something like this giggling away!

xmummy2princesx Thu 25-Jun-20 19:16:15

I think it’s disgusting. If he was 14 I’d understand but he’s a fully grown man🙄🙄🙄

Thatnameistaken Thu 25-Jun-20 19:18:21

My DP wont entertain messages like that, in fact he tends to weed out the type of men who send that sort of rubbish.

Jossen Thu 25-Jun-20 19:38:13

Wow I wasn’t expecting most of those replies. I was expecting to be told I’m overreacting. As a person he’s lovely, he’s kind considerate makes a fuss of me bends over backwards to help anyone. So yeah I was surprised to find these messages but more surprised he’d forward them on to other friends.

OP’s posts: |
ChipstickCharlie Thu 25-Jun-20 19:40:26

Wouldn't be too fussed about him receiving them from mates every now and again. He can hardly help that. I would be bothered about him forwarding them on himself to other friends - what is he, 15? It strikes me as a 'doesn't know better really, teen' kind of thing and not a married man in his 40s.

Ask him if he's at all bothered that you are starting to look at him with revulsion and actually pity, that he still feels the need to be knee deep in this stuff, forwarding on creep shots and videos to his mates like they're in the 6th form. Tell him you're becoming embarrassed by him.

That should make him think twice. And if it doesn't, well, you'll know where you stand and can make decisions yourself from there

AWiseWomanOnceSaidFuckThisShit Thu 25-Jun-20 19:41:07

Sad

TheMurk Thu 25-Jun-20 19:43:48

I expect 95% of the hetero male population is in various WhatsApp groups where various types of porn and rude or disgusting jokes or memes are shared on a daily or hourly basis.

I don’t think any of them are sharing these clips for the wank bank.

It’s just male banter and we don’t get it (although male and female is just a made up concept and we are all the same yadda yadda etc etc )

TheMurk Thu 25-Jun-20 19:44:48

Also the ones who say they aren’t, or are disgusted, or have left the group ... haven’t.

Jossen Thu 25-Jun-20 19:45:59

Don’t get me wrong I’m no prude and porn has never bothered me ie him watching it, which as far as I’m aware, he rarely does. Considering he’s either at work or at home, at the gym (pre coronavirus) or at home with me and the kids I have no trust issues or anything like that. Usually he’s very respectful of my feelings and considers me too much sometimes if that’s possible. So it is a bit out of character.

OP’s posts: |
fantasmasgoria1 Thu 25-Jun-20 19:55:02

The murk I can assure you he doesn't send or now receive these clips. He genuinely doesn't like such things and whilst he has seen porn he's not a fan.

TheMurk Thu 25-Jun-20 20:01:06

Okay...

He’s in the 5% then.

lemmathelemmin Thu 25-Jun-20 20:04:18

Loser. Women don't do this shit.

Jossen Thu 25-Jun-20 20:05:49

Yeah I always get a bit suspicious when men claim they don’t watch or have never watched porn every now and again. I was upfront with my dh years back that it doesn’t really bother me. The pictures his mates sent don’t really bother me either it’s more the fact he’s sending them on. I know I’m a woman and my relationships with my friends are different but I’d never dream sending stuff like that.

OP’s posts: |
VitreousHumour Thu 25-Jun-20 20:05:59

95% - that's ridiculous.
And male and female are not made up concepts.
Men who share this stuff with other men are using it to 'other' women. To dehumanise them as a class. It's important that they share with other men, as a class.

ChavvySexPond Thu 25-Jun-20 20:14:05

Most men don't do this. Or not any that I know anyway. Not my dad, my uncles, my brothers, my husband, my friends, my housemates when I was renting. I've lived with men all my life. I've shared rooms and laptops and iPads. I do tech support for dad and grandad and my FIL. They don't do it.

Where's the fun? What's the "joke"? What are they laughing at?

MashedSpud Thu 25-Jun-20 20:26:06

It’s a bit sad isn’t it...a group of 40 year olds acting like they are teens who have just discovered porn.

I’m not a fan of objectification of women either and then we wade into the fact some women are forced or coerced into doing these things and men find it funny or wank to it.

chateaudekaleidoscope Thu 25-Jun-20 20:32:13

Wouldn't bother me.

MrBennsshop Thu 25-Jun-20 20:35:00

TheMurk

I expect 95% of the hetero male population is in various WhatsApp groups where various types of porn and rude or disgusting jokes or memes are shared on a daily or hourly basis.

I don’t think any of them are sharing these clips for the wank bank.

It’s just male banter and we don’t get it (although male and female is just a made up concept and we are all the same yadda yadda etc etc )

I think you're wrong. There are many decent men out there. My DH blocks people who send him crude misogynistic jokes, and he's definitely not in any WhatsApp grips which share porn. I don't think he's one of just 5%, and it's sad that the objectification of women would be excused as banter.

OP I'd hate what your DH is doing, and it would be a deal breaker for me if he was sharing stuff like that.

MrBennsshop Thu 25-Jun-20 20:36:01

TheMurk

Also the ones who say they aren’t, or are disgusted, or have left the group ... haven’t.

That's rubbish too. You must have been out with some very seedy men

Lozzerbmc Thu 25-Jun-20 20:43:50

I wouldnt like this and at 40 he should inow better. Its v childish.

familys2018 Thu 25-Jun-20 21:15:13

I actually left my partner for this reason . Exactly the same as you off men from work all Maisie's late 30s with children 🤢 I was so hurt that he was viewing , laughing , forwarding and even getting turned on by these sick photos , pop ups and clips . I wanted him once and said I would leave if it happened again he told his fiends how I felt about them and they stopped . For a while ! Few months later there they were again so I actaully got out of bed late at night packed my stuff and walked out after 10 years . He moved out I came home . He was deverstated . It's so degrading to women ! He's not done it since and to be honest I honestly don't think he will . If you ain't happy with it you have to tell him or this will continue I seriously don't know what's happen to men these days '

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