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Is this a slow fade

(15 Posts)
pandaandap Thu 25-Jun-20 15:47:04

Been on around 5 dates, DTD on the last one and had a chat about taking it slow and seeing how things went. He was in constant touch after for around 4 days culminating in him asking if I wanted to do something that week. More sporadic comms during the week itself as he injured himself so I left it and then eventually asked if he wanted to do a drink on the weekend (he had been suggesting grabbing one that week).

Gets to the day of the drink and he confirms in the morning but was a little too late for me - had already made plans so suggested we do something this week instead. He follows up adn asks to do x day instead of y day, messaging picks up again with questions etc.

Today is the day of the drink and get a message saying his injury is really playing up to day (makes sense as there is context and he has had appointments) so he doesnt want to drink bevause it would affect meds/can we do the weekend. I express sympathy and say weekend works ok. He then messages more with chit chat (no questions tho) and I don't reply - he doesn't give a time or place for the weekend date.

I will obvs just leave it her but it has now been 2 weeks since we last saw each other vs. 2/3 weeks of seeing each other twice a week. I do want to take his explanation at face value but has lost momentum and unsure whether to believe his reasons. Why bother still messsaging and suggesting plans?! Starts to screw with your mind

OP’s posts: |
Crystalspider Thu 25-Jun-20 15:54:58

You didn't reply though it could of led on to arranging times or if your're still interested give him one more chance to arrange a date, a proper one not to have sex. Maybe a phone call would speed the pace up a bit?
If you've tried and still don't get anywhere you can put it to rest that it's not you but him.

litterbird Thu 25-Jun-20 16:53:09

Just call him on the phone, so much easier and less anxiety provoking. If he doesn’t pick up, leave a message.

AnaViaSalamanca Thu 25-Jun-20 17:34:38

Why so passive? Do you even want to see him? Then firm up a time and place. Doesn't seem like you are much into him, or else you are trying to play games?

PornStarOvaltini Thu 25-Jun-20 17:59:59

And coincidentally after DTD. Take control op. Men are a bit rubbish with this - they tend to go for general rather than specific and need leading.

Persiaclementine Fri 26-Jun-20 07:18:02

Just text him and ask, as its now friday, you need to know what's going on at the weekend so you can make plans. If he doesnt respond or responds with a cop out, then leave it.

ChristmasFluff Fri 26-Jun-20 17:01:11

If he was genuinely interested, he'd have replied to the message about the 'weekend working ok' with a definite arrangement - it was Thursday at that point. It's a slow fade, or a bloke who can't be arsed with making the arrangements. I couldn't be doing with either.

ChristmasFluff Fri 26-Jun-20 17:04:31

And who waits til Friday to make weekend plans? My plans are some skype drinks, games challenge with son, and gardening, but they are still plans, and a half-hearted bloke isn't someone I'd change them for.

category12 Fri 26-Jun-20 17:06:56

Why didn't you reply to his message?

If you believe him about the injury, then ask him about the weekend plans, and if he doesn't come through, then leave it.

Onestepup Fri 26-Jun-20 17:14:04

Which of you initiated the chat about taking it slowly, and did you both seem to be in agreement?

Sounds to me like you may not be the only person he's seeing.

ConcreteUnderpants Fri 26-Jun-20 17:36:13

Sounds a bit like a fade, but I’m generally rubbish at these things.
I prefer the straight up approach and would just ask him if he wants to see you again.

DianaT1969 Fri 26-Jun-20 17:47:45

Did you have a 'take it slowly' conversation after doing the deed?

Fiveasidefootballfamily Fri 26-Jun-20 18:39:11

I just think you’re probably both playing hard to get and both coming off as disinterested. If you didn’t reply to his message, he’s probably thinking you’re not bothered with him. Just talk to him, make a date and if he doesn’t stick to it and you can’t be bothered finding out if he’s being honest about the reasons, it goes no further.

chubbyhotchoc Fri 26-Jun-20 19:11:01

It's a slow a fade. Too much too soon. Five dates is a bit early for sex if you're looking for long term commitment imo

TheStuffedPenguin Fri 26-Jun-20 20:34:29

He sounds like a guy I met on OLD who wanted to keep his options open and was busy elsewhere too . Luckily I hadn't DTD with him . Some men DO need coaching on how to plan ahead but I'm not sure that this is the case here .

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