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Am I being promoted because he fancies me

(41 Posts)
Soggymacaroon Thu 25-Jun-20 00:34:39

I’ve been working at this place around a year now. I do a few roles and really specialise in 1 area of my job description. I was pulled into the bosses office . Who I admit, I have a massive crush on. I’m 30 and he’s around 50. Anyway I’m being promoted but the role isn’t something I’ve ever done and have no experience in. I will be working primarily with him and another person (who i would be managing). I might be reading too much into it but do you think this might be a way of spending more time alone together and he’s possibly attracted to me? I do feel like I have worked really hard and I’ve impressed him with what I’ve managed to achieve but it just seems like a strange move. What should I do, I do fancy him so I don’t mind but how should I play this?

OP’s posts: |
Aquamarine1029 Thu 25-Jun-20 00:39:11

Take the job. Don't fuck your boss.

Leglump Thu 25-Jun-20 00:40:08

Take the job. Never fuck your boss.

Soggymacaroon Thu 25-Jun-20 00:44:08

Oh god yeh I’m taking the job but I’m concerned maybe it’s just an attraction thing for him. I’m worried that if he did try something I’d go for it because I do really fancy him. I also don’t want to be totally shit at my job!

OP’s posts: |
willsa Thu 25-Jun-20 01:14:03

It might be an attraction thing. Doesn't mean you're not good at your job though!

I was in a very similar position and a big part of my very successful early career was wiped out when I turned down the boss.
He wasn't around when I built my success but when we started working together it all.. Hmm. Escalated. He was very enthusiastic supporter of my next career steps, until.. I remember receiving the first innuendo text late at night, called my mum, read it out and concluded "it's the end now, isn't it?"
Be prepared to return the favour. At least you fancy him... confused
OK no, the reality is, you're doomed if you do, doomed if you don't.

Soggymacaroon Thu 25-Jun-20 01:21:23

I just don’t want my career to be pinned on the boss fancying me/sleeping with him but I’m not sure I can trust myself to not go there. I like the job and place so don’t really want to leave.

OP’s posts: |
managedmis Thu 25-Jun-20 01:24:07

Could you take the job, not shag him, get some good experience, then leave?

Soggymacaroon Thu 25-Jun-20 01:27:13

I could but he’s pretty fit for an older man. It just seems a strange move, poor guy could just be nice and see potential but it just seems weird.

OP’s posts: |
Pieceofpurplesky Thu 25-Jun-20 01:48:03

Is he married?

Soggymacaroon Thu 25-Jun-20 01:53:05

I don’t think so. I think he’s divorced was seeing a woman nearer his age but I don’t think they are together anymore

OP’s posts: |
1forAll74 Thu 25-Jun-20 01:55:01

Yes go for it, and enjoy whatever comes along. I am sure you can handle this man.

SunshineSmellsLikeSummer Thu 25-Jun-20 06:35:52

I'm afraid I agree that you're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Let's say it is because he is attracted to you. If he actually cared about you though, he wouldn't put you in this position. Bottom line is, you're his subordinate at work; like most men, he's attracted to someone 20 years younger than him; if he's decided he'd quite like to fuck you, then that is what he's decided. If his professional boundaries are questionable, then it's quite likely his personal ones are too.

I'd trust your instincts on this. It feels weird because it is.

SunshineSmellsLikeSummer Thu 25-Jun-20 06:37:39

If sex is how you are going to have to pay for this opportunity, what will happen when you no longer fancy him or want to have sex with him?

Littlebyerockerboo Thu 25-Jun-20 06:47:44

My god, some the advice.

Just because you boss may, or may not have decided he wants to fuck you, no way means you have to "take it" - he doesn't make decisions about what you do.

Absolutely take the job. Get the experience, get it on your CV, sounds like a great opportunity for the future.

TRY not to get sexually or emotionally involved with said boss. It can have serious implications, if you find yourself going down that path with him (because YOU want too, not because he wants you too) you need to be firm with him and explain you dont want it to cause trouble in a professional sense, and if you were going to start a relationship, it would mean one of you working for a different company.

I'm saying this as a woman who did have a "romance" at work with someone in a higher position than me. I had to work pretty closely with him, when it all broke down some time down the line, it made work horrible, and it was difficult to respect this person, or keep my emotions in check around him. I have been left that place for almost 2 years, after working thier for 10 and being a well liked and respected member of the team, unfortunately after this "romance" I could no longer stand working there. Even after the person in question had left.

Work colleagues 'knew but didn't know' which also made it difficult as I was also in a position of authority over them.

Please take the job, but please put yourself and your oh so important career absolutely first over a man! Even if you suspect he "fancies you" and thats why you've got the job, you really need to know show any idea that his fondness for you is the reason, and absolutey assume that its because you are kick ass at your job.

MsDogLady Thu 25-Jun-20 06:49:49

Possibly so. You hoped that he would make a move. Perhaps this is it.

You’ve previously written that you fancy him greatly and your gut said that he reciprocates. At that time he was still with his long-term partner, but you didn’t care. You envisioned a FWB scenario.

How do your partner and children fit in here?

Littlebyerockerboo Thu 25-Jun-20 06:49:55

Apologies for typos! So many
* really need to NOT show

JustC Thu 25-Jun-20 06:52:52

Did he actually reason his decission? Normaly you get a bit of a speech of why you are being promoted. Did his reasoning sound genuine?
I would take the job, but if it felt like he only did it because he fancies me, it would make me question his work ethic, which would influence my overall opinion of him.

Bluntness100 Thu 25-Jun-20 06:53:03

I’m worried that if he did try something I’d go for it because I do really fancy him

To be honest, I’m not sure you’re worried about that at all, in fact I think that’s what your looking for.

None of us can guess if he fancies you or not op sorry.

CrowdedHouseinQuarantine Thu 25-Jun-20 06:55:25

is there anyone else that could have been offered the promotion?
would he have to promote you to shag you?

CrowdedHouseinQuarantine Thu 25-Jun-20 06:55:59

does he know you fancy him?
can you convince yourself not to fancy him?

elonmusk Thu 25-Jun-20 07:01:12

There is a version of this which has nothing to do with sex. You've worked really hard, he recognises your potential, and is promoting you because he's a really good manager who wants to support you to develop your career and believes you can do the job. Maybe I'll be proved wrong, but that's how this should work.

I wonder if maybe because you have doubts about your ability, you're doing that classic imposter syndrome thing of assuming it must because of something other than your talent and potential.

Go for it, put your feelings aside (they have no place here), and grow a wonderful career as a result of this acceleration.

Bluntness100 Thu 25-Jun-20 07:07:03

I wonder if maybe because you have doubts about your ability

I am not sure that’s the main driver.

Op I think you fancy him and simoly hope he fancies you and are trying to work out if this is a sign he does.

Besom Thu 25-Jun-20 07:08:14

If you are bothered about your career then fucking your boss is a very bad idea. You know that though.

SteelyPanther Thu 25-Jun-20 07:20:43

Are you prepared to be un-promoted or ‘let go’ if you have a relationship and it ends ? You need to think very carefully about this.

RantyAnty Thu 25-Jun-20 07:45:47

Play it for everything it's worth. Does it involve a big payrise?

Take the promotion and learn everything you can and learn it fast.

Do not sleep with him but flatter him. If he thinks he has even a 1% chance, he'll be like a puppy.
How far is it possible to go in the company?
Set your sites on that. Build other relationships in the company through him.
Work on getting that top promotion in about 1.5 years from this one.
Ask for everything.

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