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Today new chapter of my life.terrifies me

(12 Posts)
Casper22 Wed 24-Jun-20 10:54:01

Hi

Today is a new chapter so everyone is telling me..
Broke up from my ex 6 weeks ago due to emotional abusive behaviour.. moving into my own flat today....rental..
Everyone saying it be great new start for me and my daughter etc...why am I in tears...why am I scarred...why do i feel.lost..

Bought furntiure from charity shops so we are all set up...

I think it's the feeling of not having someone.. if he treated me nice or not ...its the Going it alone

OP’s posts: |
SnowdropFox Wed 24-Jun-20 10:59:35

Hey Casper, I remember your other thread. Well done again for getting out.

What you are doing is scary! You've been with someone who has made you lose yourself from what it sounded like. You will get used to being on your own. Be kind to yourself. Spend quality time with your kids. Dont rush into any other relationships because you are lonely. Work on your self esteem and if you can get counselling to help you come to terms with what has happened.

Dont let yourself wallow in sadness, try to find something to occupy your mind whether they is work, exercise, reading, gardening, volunteering etc.

Best of luck.

FondantPud Wed 24-Jun-20 11:01:50

Hey OP.
I get this and have been in a similar situation. It's a hugely positive step forward in many ways but it highlights the being alone I think. And it's a big milestone.

I can remember feeling very out of sorts upon moving to my now home. Not having someone to share the joy with, share the work, share the ideas.

You will be ok. See this as an emotional roundabout.... the clouds will clear and you will be so pleased you made this move..

Hailtomyteeth Wed 24-Jun-20 11:04:31

Good luck. My daughter was four when I was unexpectedly single. It worked out fine. You'll be ok.

Casper22 Wed 24-Jun-20 11:13:47

I think as well I have moved back to a area where i was bought up. I.left this area to be with him.moved my daughter away from.school her friends etc to be with him...and moving back feels like i accomplished nothing! I haven been out as insecure about seeing people i know..not ready for those what you doing here hows family etc.....its feel very surreal at moment ...

OP’s posts: |
Casper22 Wed 24-Jun-20 11:14:34

This site has been my life line it really has

OP’s posts: |
BrambleJam978 Wed 24-Jun-20 11:22:42

Accomplishments are much more than material wealth or money in the bank. You are accomplishing things all the time , not least through your daughter.

Some people go through life thinking it's what they have got that matters , they are very wrong.

It is what you have lived through, what you have learned, what you have experienced and what you have survived that matter. It's who you are that matter and you sound lovely.

You go back to the place where you grew up with your head held high and a welcoming smile on your face. You have your whole life in front of you . Be brave, it will get easier , I can promise you that.

LJenn Wed 24-Jun-20 11:25:44

@Casper22 "..Moving back feels like I accomplished nothing!"

That's sooo far from the truth though. You need to look at it this way.. you moved away to make a relationship work. And it just didn't. So why would you stay in an area that brings you bad memories? This is a brand new fresh start for you and your children. You should be SO proud of yourself. Starting over is never easy. You're being a great example for your child not giving up and staying where you were no longer happy. The thing is, part of the reason (deep deep down) you feel like you accomplished nothing is because you're afraid that that's what OTHER people are going to think of you. That you failed. And you just didn't. You're moving on and up and it's time now for your happiness to begin. You and your kid💞💞💞

cakeandchampagne Wed 24-Jun-20 11:27:08

It is a big responsibility to create a home of respect and kindness.
Best wishes to you & your daughter.
flowers

hellsbellsmelons Wed 24-Jun-20 11:39:21

and moving back feels like i accomplished nothing!
Moving back means you are taking control of your life and protecting your DD. You will have family support and you will have your own place.
Moving back is absolutely the right thing to do.
You did accomplish something. You realised you were in an abusive relationship which in turn is abuse to your DD and you got out.
That is brave. Never underestimate what you went through and how far you have already come.
WELL DONE!!!!!

It may not feel like it right now - but everyone is right!!!
This is a new beginning for you.
You will be able to find out who YOU are. What YOU like. You can do what ever you want.
Be free from abuse and live your life!
Turn your whole thinking around. It will be a slow process but you will realise how far you have come and how much you have achieved.
Keep going, keep strong.
And huge good luck in your new safe place - all of your own!

Happynow001 Wed 24-Jun-20 13:58:51

@Casper22
I just wanted to add my voice to the others to say how well you are doing.

You've managed to:
A. get away from an abusive relationship. That's hard, and some people never manage it.

B. You managed to get a home just for yourself and your daughter and are a role model to her, showing the mental strength to leave and find a place to live

C. You are making your property feel comfy and more home-y with new-to-you furniture

D. You are bringing up your daughter pretty much on your own, in a safe space.

C. You've moved back to the better life you had before you met Whatsisname, (your daughter's old school, friends and family/your support group).

Lots of people can't even think of doing this, let alone achieve it.

So.. stick your chin out, take each step and each breath knowing everything you do is improving life for you and your daughter. One day at a time my dear.

Go for a short walk and "fake it till you make it" smile 😃 to those you meet. I bet most of them are wishing you well.

Take time without any new relationship for a while just to be YOU, until you are stronger and ready to meet someone - in time - on your terms.

Good luck! 🌹

MummyGoingItAlone Wed 24-Jun-20 16:32:54

Trust me, from somebody who left their emotionally abusive ex in February, it does get better! I felt the same as you for the first few weeks. I now feel absolutely amazing! My confidence has soared and I’d say it’s taken 3 months to feel like my old self again.

You’ve done the hardest bit in leaving, the next part is the start of the rest of your life. YOU ARE AMAZING. Never forget that x

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