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Shall I end it here?

(19 Posts)
pandaandap Mon 22-Jun-20 23:38:58

Around 4 weeks into dating someone new, he was super keen at the beginning e.g. first four dates but lots of ex issues. On last date, we DTD and ex issues came out - he asked if we could take it slow, lots of messaging instigated by him and suggestions to hang out (we should get a drink/would you like to do something) but no concrete plans made. Happy to do that & see where it goes, he is still broken from bad relationship but seemed to want to give things a go. The effort has wavered a little tho over the last 2 weeks and things have lost momentum.

Chatted over the next week since DTD (all instigated by him) culminating in me sending him some selfies and no reply. 24 hours later, I ask if he wanted to get that drink still and he replies instantly "yes, sounds great, when are you free" etc. He ends up taking time again to reply to my time suggestion (this is normal tho) and I let him know have made other plans as didnt other back, but suggested an alternative evening. He agrees.

Next date now booked in but the messaging is sporadic and not chatty. Things have lost their momentum. I feel weird and am paranoid he is now indifferent? We are also clearly both bored in lockdown! He was acting like I was a complete prize up until 2 weeks ago and now obviously we haven't seen each other since.

Do I bail now or meet him and see how I feel?

OP’s posts: |
pandaandap Mon 22-Jun-20 23:41:32

I think deep down I am hoping he will step up but unsure if it is dead in the water and when to pull the plug. I really dont have the energy to go on a lacklustre date.

OP’s posts: |
Onacleardayyoucansee Mon 22-Jun-20 23:43:22

Sounds ike it is since you dtd.
Some guys go cool off after that.

Pull away, you could cancel with a bogus reason and see if he tries to book a date following that.

Aquamarine1029 Mon 22-Jun-20 23:44:35

Stop wasting your time. It shouldn't be this hard.

Somethingkindaoooo Mon 22-Jun-20 23:59:19

His ' taking things slow ' seems to mean that everything is on his terms.

And why on earth would you want someone who is so ' broken' by a previous relationship, and has nothing to give you?

Enough4me Tue 23-Jun-20 00:03:51

Read the book "He's not that into you".

You're simply an option to him and if it's lacklustre now it will be freezing in a few months.

RLEOM Tue 23-Jun-20 00:06:23

He's not that into you, sorry.

pandaandap Tue 23-Jun-20 00:08:58

Is it worth me going and having a chat with him? Or treat it as a normal date and see what vibe I get? Or just sack off now.

Thanks Enough4Me I have read it incidentally - he is pretty emotionally unavailable, I am not sure what I am looking for either so was thinking we could just see how it goes. He was sooo into me at the beginning and has historically reached a point with other girls he has dated since his breakup where one of them has pulled the plug at this point. So I was kinda thinking see where it goes, see him casually - did I mentioned I was bored in lockdown - alongside getting to know others.

OP’s posts: |
lockdowndreamer Tue 23-Jun-20 00:15:18

Life is too short. You are obviously disappointed, it's not a way to start a relationship.

Crystalspider Tue 23-Jun-20 00:18:50

You could see him casually but don't get too involved emotionally if you think you can do that. If you really feel you might like him a bit too much be strong and cancel the date to save yourself from further disappointment as this guy doesn't seem as interested.

NoMoreDickheads Tue 23-Jun-20 00:20:19

I think if he has ex issues the risk is that if your relationship does get relatively serious, you will be a rebound thing and eventually he'll go off you.

And you don't make him sound like much of a catch TBH. You can do better. xxx

Enough4me Tue 23-Jun-20 00:21:51

I would rather be alone bored than with someone bored. Alone bored there is space to be creative, learn something or meet new people.

At least he only kept his interested act up for a few weeks, some men pretend for months before the act slips.

pandaandap Tue 23-Jun-20 00:28:42

How do I handle then? I did enjoy his company and found the whole initial bit quite exciting and intoxicating.

Im starting to think dont reply to future messages (if any - less chatty now anyway) and then if he is truly interested he will chase up? I dont like games but I dont want someone who is indifferent, and would rather neither of us waste time if we are not feeling it / trying to stave off lockdown boredom...

OP’s posts: |
Aquamarine1029 Tue 23-Jun-20 00:48:05

Why are you so willing to accept such pathetic behaviour?

He was sooo into me at the beginning

Of course he was. He wanted a shag and he got it.

Raise your standards.

DamnYankee Tue 23-Jun-20 00:48:29

He's not that into you, sorry

And honestly, you don't sound that into him. You said you were bored!

I am not sure what I am looking for either

Get to know other people and figure that out! Life's pretty short. Good luck!

DamnYankee Tue 23-Jun-20 00:52:58

Don't reply. Don't engage if he does. In the meantime, can you do something that makes you feel fabulous? In the US - I haven't chanced a nail salon yet, but have been to my hairdresser (masks on) and it was lovely!

9 times out of 10 this situation does not end up as a cute story at your wedding reception...

MashedSpud Tue 23-Jun-20 03:49:17

He got a shag and now his interest has subsided.

Don’t waste anymore time on him.

OldWomanSaysThis Tue 23-Jun-20 04:04:14

He got what he wanted. He said what he had to say, did what he had to do in order to get it. Now, he's gotta extricate himself by saying whatever he has to say, doing whatever he has to do. Some level guilt for using you for sex will lead him to find a way to end it without you getting mad.

Hopefully, the sex was fun.

Willowmartha1 Tue 23-Jun-20 08:04:45

At least you got as far as DTD! I met a guy before lockdown had a few dates he messaged every day we talked lots, now nothing !!!

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