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Still ex stuff around

(11 Posts)
IveFoundSomeJaffaCakes Sun 21-Jun-20 18:15:25

Be gentle. I'm very new to the dating world having just come out of a 13 year marriage.

Met a guy in February. Stayed in touch over lockdown as friends and now seen each other a few times (social bubbling!)

He's lovely. We have lots in common. But he split with his ex over Christmas and when we first met he was saying he was still in love with her (when we were friends).

I went to his place this weekend. And he has a valentines present photo from her on the bedside table and photobooth photos of them together at some party in the kitchen.

They were together 18 months. So it's been about six months since they split. Is this normal?! Me, I couldn't wait to get rid of my ex's stuff when he left. Or is he just lazy about this kind of thing?

OP’s posts: |
Aquamarine1029 Sun 21-Jun-20 18:18:58

He is not ready for a relationship. Cut your loses and move on.

funnylittlefloozie Sun 21-Jun-20 18:22:55

I would not expect this one to be relationship material. He is still far too hung up on his ex. Have some fun with him, use him to remind yourself what a fun carefree relationship can be like, but dont ever kid yourself that hes in it for the long haul.

Fairycake2 Sun 21-Jun-20 18:22:56

I'm sorry but it doesn't sound like he's over her. I agree with @aquamarine1029 he's not ready so best to cut and run

june2007 Sun 21-Jun-20 18:24:35

He may have just not got round to removing them, or it may be because he still likes her. If you have been going out since February that's not that long, but you can ask hi about it, tell him it makes you deal uncomfortable, it may force him to choose and decide what he wants/ where his priorities lie. Also he doesn't,t have to get rid, he just not have them on show.

NoMoreDickheads Sun 21-Jun-20 18:35:26

Having a few pics in the kitchen etc is one thing, but still having her photo by the bed is not normal.

And you'dve thought he'd at least hide it when you come round.

Aerial2020 Sun 21-Jun-20 18:37:50

By the bed? No!

Andwoooshtheyweregone Sun 21-Jun-20 18:38:47

Not normal at all. He’s not over her sorry Op

IveFoundSomeJaffaCakes Sun 21-Jun-20 18:43:35

Thanks everyone

Yes the photobooth thing I can kind of see. It's amongst a load of other fridge magnets and photos in a big montage of stuff.

The photo by the bed is odd. It's not a photo of them. It's a scenic photo. I picked it up to look at it and on the back it's got her writing saying happy Valentine's Day.

I mean he's a messy bloke... but he's quite emotional so I can't think the emotive side of these things doesn't mean anything if that makes sense.

To be clear. We've not been dating since February. We met then. Dating for the last month.

OP’s posts: |
Dery Sun 21-Jun-20 23:10:30

If you’ve only been dating for a month, I think it’s too soon to discuss this with him and too soon to make this a dealbreaker. After all, being with you might be what helps him get over his ex. Perhaps just take things slowly - leave lots of space in your life for other interests in addition to him. That way there’s no pressure. If the photos are still out 4-6 months from now - then you might have reason to bring it up and/or decide you need to walk away. But the position may have changed by them. And if everything else is going well, it would be a shame not to give this situation a chance to resolve itself.

Nonamesplz Mon 22-Jun-20 07:26:53

I see your pain here. Me and partner got together 13 months ago. Both out of long term relationships. I gave up my house and basically everything to move in and start a new life with her. I couldnt tolerate it any longer so boxed everything of her exes up and gave her the responsability of doing the right thing but before this i was constantly seeing photos cards clothes ect. The thing that pulled the cash straw was i found a vibrating cock ring in my own bedside cabinet buried in old just. First i seen the cards or panflet for it. She said that just came with her mr grey books. Then the bag later. She said oh that got binned years ago cos it never worked. Then the ring which ide asked nemerous times to experiment with toys but she wouldnt.. and she was oh yeah never got used. Never worked. Picked it up and of course it started up no bother.
Another thing was she showed me some kinky outfits shed love to use firat time with me... for her to give me her old phone when she upgraded and messages all over it about them being used before me.
I struggled beating myself up for a long time got sick of seeing his belongings. I put the ball in her court and it reaolved my problem. Long winded but i hope it helps

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