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Do I bother responding to this?

(12 Posts)
pandaandap Sun 21-Jun-20 17:11:32

Around 4 weeks in with someone new, enjoying the chemistry etc but it is clear he has ex issues. Taking it for what it is atm/looking for something casual myself. He is not the biggest texter and has been a bit all over the place lately but suggested getting a drink several times so I asked him when would work. He replied immediately (within the minute) asking when would suit me. A bit of back and forth chit-chat and I asked if x time would work and sent a funny picture. He got back in touch this morning (24 hours later/about 6 hours before time of said drink) saying hey hows it going, shall I come over to xyz location (near you) for the drink?

I replied saying that as I hadnt heard from re times for about 24 hours I assumed we werent on and had agreed to meet a friend instead (the truth, I had thought maybe he was having second thoughts and didnt want to chase). But perhaps we could do xyz day instead?

He replied saying "oh sorry! I hadn't actually realised that I hadn't replied!! [laughing emoji] Yeah sure either works for me! How is your day?"

This has really annoyed me. Do I respond and if so how?

OP’s posts: |
022828MAN Sun 21-Jun-20 17:14:13

Why would that response annoy you?

Aquamarine1029 Sun 21-Jun-20 17:14:31

Get rid. He sounds like a flake.

pandaandap Sun 21-Jun-20 17:16:31

It annoyed me because I think if you are interested in someone (especially the early days) you are excited by them, want to see them and show interest. You don't "forget" to respond - you show them that you want to see them. Unless, of course, you are not bothered.

OP’s posts: |
Aquamarine1029 Sun 21-Jun-20 17:18:34

It annoyed me because I think if you are interested in someone (especially the early days) you are excited by them, want to see them and show interest.

You've just answered your own question, I'm afraid. I don't think he's very interested. At just 4 weeks in, if he were really interested, he would have responded right away.

022828MAN Sun 21-Jun-20 17:18:57

pandaandap

It annoyed me because I think if you are interested in someone (especially the early days) you are excited by them, want to see them and show interest. You don't "forget" to respond - you show them that you want to see them. Unless, of course, you are not bothered.

Oh sorry, I thought from your post you were more bothered by the wording than by the 24hr to reply. The late reply would bother me but I thought his response sounded genuine, and as you said he seems keen as he previously replied very quickly.
If it were me id probably let it slide once but if he did it again then I'd sack it off.

stealm Sun 21-Jun-20 17:20:52

Flake.
Also I'd wonder how many other people he was texting which might be why he forgot to reply.
I couldn't be bothered with that.

pandaandap Sun 21-Jun-20 17:22:19

@022828MAN Thanks. This is against a backdrop of him unloading to me about ex issues and also being hot and cold... E.g. very keen one minute and then not engaging in texts for a day or two. He clearly has baggage he needs to work through independently and I was planning to meet f2f and calmly state that I had been having fun getting to know him but not sure where his head was at and did he want to take some time out to clear things up before engaging with anything.

OP’s posts: |
022828MAN Sun 21-Jun-20 17:29:10

Ah yeah well I can understand with that context why you'd be feeling that way then.
I'd probably reply something along the lines of -
'ah fair enough, that's a shame. It sounds like maybe you've got quite a bit on your plate already so don't worry about making plans for now' or something?

See I'm probably slightly bias because dh was a bit flaky when we were first meant to meet and it really pissed me off and I backed off a bit. But then when we did meet he explained to me other things he'd had going on at the time (although not ex related like your guy) and thank god I did give him the benefit of the doubt because we hit it off immediately and I moved in with him after 4 months! He's the most loyal considerate partner I've ever had.

So yeah my point is that some people are nervous, shy, crap at texting etc and it might not be an indication of his character. I'd probably give a second chance.

022828MAN Sun 21-Jun-20 17:29:55

Although the ex stuff I'd find weirder!

Lacey2019 Mon 22-Jun-20 10:37:08

I would leave it in his court now and if he wants to, he will contact you to meet up etc

FoxandFish Mon 22-Jun-20 13:00:10

He may have a lot on his plate now or talk to other women and keep you as an option or he is not that interested. Whatever it is I wouldn't be bothered with him anymore. I had similar situation in the past. I've been seeing someone quite short after his divorce but he assured me that he was ready for something new. But even though we took things very slowly it seemed like he had an issue with his ex, cooparenting problems etc and no head space for new partner. He was blowing hot and cold, making plans then cancel, not replaying for days etc and then saying he thought he had replied😂 One day we made a plan to go and see an exhibition in different city. I took my day off work, bought tickets and was very excited then he texted me that day in the very morning if we could play it by ear today. I was like wtf confusedhmmAfter that I've never met him again. It was only 3 months we were seeing each other but still waste of time really.

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