I've had a rollercoaster for a year and a half. My OH finally agreed to try for a baby nearly 2 years ago. Im 43 and we both already have children and have blended the family. Kids all get on great. Life is as good, 5 kids and happy. The only issue is i feel excluded from his family as i am not related and from a lower social class.
First miscarriage Nov 2018 and 5 more followed, 2 where I had to be admitted fo hospital. Looking back it has been a huge trauma and I think it has changed me in some way.
With lockdown i had a chance to process i think. Not having to work 12 hrs outside the house and being able to read a book, exercise. I lost a stone, started to make plans for fun with friends and began to take an interest in my future not just existing i was starting to get some of my old self back who i didnt realise i had lost.
Now I find out I am pregnant. This longed for baby who I was desperate for - I think it is going to curtail my life if I even manage to carry it. I wont have money, I wont have friends as will be tied to a baby. I wonf be able to work full time. I'll ruin my teenagers lives as I wont be able to take them places. I'm far too old its ridiculous to have a baby this age. I'll be so lonely. Things my dh considered but I dismissed for 2 years.
I am exhausted already, sick and I'm so angry at myself. I havent told my partner. I'm sort of hoping this ends naturally and hate myself for it. I have no idea what to do I'm five weeks.
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6 miscarriages now pregnant but mixed feelings
23 replies
disconnecteddrifter · 21/06/2020 07:02
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