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What can I do to protect dd?

(15 Posts)
Mamabear194 Sat 20-Jun-20 23:40:22

DD is 18 months, her dad and I split in sept last year because he was emotionally/sexually abusive towards myself and emotionally abusive towards dd. Since our split he has had supervised visits with dd through family members and mutual friends but may have to go to unsupervised soon as he is taking me through court.

Exp has threatened has threatened go harm dd before. I was just wondering what I can do to minimise as much as possible the risk of him harming her.

OP’s posts: |
Leglump Sat 20-Jun-20 23:43:24

Speak to your solicitor and get the contact formalised and get this threat noted! It sounds like you have a casual contact arrangement. Formal and hostile is the way to go, I think.

NotaCoolMum Sun 21-Jun-20 08:18:27

Get legal advice for sure!! Do you have proof he’s threatened to harm her ie. text messages? If so I’d be taking them ASAP to my solicitor. What a scumbag he is. Sorry OP flowers

Mamabear194 Sun 21-Jun-20 08:44:28

@NotaCoolMum and @Leglump, I have sent evidence to my solicitor (texts etc).. to say she has been so unhelpful is an understatement. I would have almost been better doing it myself, same stress but at least I know everything. But this is the formal agreement although not the final one.

Court hasn't taken a look at the evidence and doesn't seem like they even care to as he hasn't physically harmed her yet. So im just trying to keep and eye out and find ways to stop that from ever happening. Exp has a vile temper, carries swiss knives etc and gets angry when dd cries. Never been left alone with her so that's where my concern really comes in.

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GilbertMarkham Sun 21-Jun-20 09:04:19

That's pretty disturbing - both the threats, his behaviour and the apparent indifference of the court.

Is your solicitor one who specialises in family law where the ex is abusive?

Have you been through women's aid - maybe they could match you with a solicitor/barrister who specialises in this. I know done legal professionals do pro bono work for WA and are more experienced in circumstances like these, and they care (which is obviously why they do it).

If you're not already, I think you need to be really rather shouty and extra assertive and make it clear that if your child ends up harmed (and the case in the newspapers for example) anyone who didn't do the utmost to prevent the situation will be partly responsible (and named if possible/formally complained against etc.).

GilbertMarkham Sun 21-Jun-20 09:09:57

Wonder if it would be worth emailing/letter writing to local politician as well. Try to get them onboard to help re. court.

RandomMess Sun 21-Jun-20 09:16:17

I would be finding a new solicitor and fast.

endofthelinefinally Sun 21-Jun-20 09:18:53

Health visitor, gp and Women's Aid, if you haven't already contacted them.

Dery Sun 21-Jun-20 09:48:52

Another saying find a new solicitor if possible. She may just be absolutely swamped in work rather than incompetent but this man is dangerous and you can’t take chances. You need one specialised in DV.

Even if he has made the statements orally rather than in writing you can create evidence of them: record them in a witness statement with as much detail as possible - what he said and when he said it. Then you complete the witness statement with a statement of truth: “I believe that the facts stated in this witness statement are true. I understand that proceedings for contempt of court may be brought against anyone who makes, or causes to be made, a false statement in a document verified by a statement of truth without an honest belief in its truth.”

That is evidence. You can be cross-examined on it so make sure it is as accurate as possible.

As PP have said, you need to shout about this and it may indeed be worth involving your local MP. This is a man who carries knives and has threatened to harm a baby. I’m sure the judge will care because no-one in their right mind will think you should wait for him to carry out his threat. Who in God’s name threatens to hurt a child, particularly such a tiny one? I’m sure even most violent criminals would draw the line at that.

Mamabear194 Sun 21-Jun-20 11:05:08

So I actually had another thread about what he had put me through that I started today: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3945147-Sexual-abuse-where-do-I-go-from-here

I think my solicitor is swamped with cases as I was referred to her by women's aid, problem I have with court now is I've submitted statements, tried to send in evidence but because court hasn't asked for it I cannot send. I've been bullied, my barrister didn't advise or protect me from this. I was pretty much told that whatever exp done to dd or I in the past is in the past and that I should look to the future.

I have I formed gp, hv, children's services.. all of whom have said because I safeguarded dd and it's now in court they cannot do anything until the court process is finished. But the mention of the mp Im definitely going to do, if anything happens to dd I want the courts especially to be held accountable. But I don't want dd to end up hurt, I'm at a loss, I'll still fight in court but I'm told I should be careful with coming over unreasonable as judge's do not like unreasonable mother's.

OP’s posts: |
Mamabear194 Sun 21-Jun-20 17:19:06

Think I'll draft up a letter to my local mp tonight.

But like I said swiss knives, baseball bats next to his bed. Even wanted to buy a samari sword when we were together and dd was a lot younger don't know if he has got one now

OP’s posts: |
Leglump Sun 21-Jun-20 18:06:28

Find your social worker and talk to them.

Mamabear194 Sun 21-Jun-20 23:24:35

@Leglump, ss can't do anything while it's still in court because the courts should be safeguarding. So until the process is finished they can't do anything apparently.

OP’s posts: |
Leglump Sun 21-Jun-20 23:38:15

No that’s not right. SW can absolutely get involved. Start here:

www.cafcass.gov.uk/grown-ups/parents-and-carers/divorce-and-separation/

Mamabear194 Sun 21-Jun-20 23:41:02

Thanks for this @Leglump

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