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Fwb confused

(16 Posts)
SissyLongStockings Sat 20-Jun-20 01:48:44

I started talking to someone that i knew way back in school.
We ve agreed to have a fwb thing.
But im struggerling to work him out. After we agreed what we wanted i have tried to keep my life seperate. So he is my sex life and my private life are seperate and the two shall never meet. He was telling me "I really like you" " Your my type" and "I will be a good friend" etc. He wants to know everything. He tells me nothing about him if very little. We were talking the other day about someone he previously had fwb and he finished it as she fell in love with him. I said you dont need to worry about that from me. I love someone else but he doesnt feel the same. He said your in love with someone? I repeated he didnt feel the same and said ok thats fine your single. But since then he has been blowing hot and cold even more. Hes backed right off doesnt reply to messages for ages, doesnt contact me in the evenings anymore-its like im a chore. I just wanted a bit of fun and i made that clear and tbh so did he very clear. So what is going on? Im really confused

OP’s posts: |
Rainbowqueeen Sat 20-Jun-20 02:06:13

You’re not compatible as FWB.
Why bother to try and work it out. You know what you want. He isn’t providing it. Move on. It will only get messier

Browzingss Sat 20-Jun-20 02:17:58

You unknowingly hurt his feelings as he got his wires crossed perhaps?

SissyLongStockings Sat 20-Jun-20 04:42:36

@Browzingss I really dont understand how. We both said what is was. He was quite certain thats all it was going to be.

OP’s posts: |
Bunnymumy Sat 20-Jun-20 04:44:31

He wants you to really like him, for the sake of making him feel good about himself.

It's such a common move in dickheads who claim to want a fwb but actually want you to fall for them.

I'll tell you exactly what happened with his ex fwb: he acted really into her, he made her feel like he might want something more because otherwise, why on earth did he seem to want to work his way into her life so much? So she started to consider being more with fwb. And the second she did that, his ego was validated and he was done with her so he spun it round on her and made out she was the one that was clingy.

He will do the exact same thing to you.

He isnt your friend.
He is already unable to keep within the peramitors of a fwb relationship. Pushing and pushing the boundaries. Brvshse he wants the control.
Start running fast. Or he'll work a number on you.

Bunnymumy Sat 20-Jun-20 04:45:34

*to consider being more than a fwb

Bunnymumy Sat 20-Jun-20 04:49:08

Oh and he is backing off now either because he doesnt think he will get what he wants from you (because you said you love someone else) or because he thinks you have already started to like him. Either that or there is another target around.

SissyLongStockings Sat 20-Jun-20 05:39:34

@Bunnymumy.
Thank you for that sound advice. That all really fits. I never saw that coming. What an arsehole. Lucky escape for me I think.

OP’s posts: |
NoHardSell Sat 20-Jun-20 06:38:20

When you leave, be sure to tell him he is too needy and you are worried he is falling for you/can't maintain boundaries. It will make you laugh, later on.

Bunnymumy is spot on

R2519 Sat 20-Jun-20 07:15:41

It could just be the case he had started to have feelings for you and hosting you love someone else and would never love him has hurt him so he is backing off. That doesn't make him an asshole though!

Either way you are not compatible so should call it a day. Sometimes fwbs work sometimes they don't.

SissyLongStockings Sat 20-Jun-20 07:37:41

@ R2519 There is a possibility that that could be the case yes in which case that wouldnt make him an arsehole.
But my gut is telling me Bunnymumy is right.

OP’s posts: |
TheStuffedPenguin Sat 20-Jun-20 07:42:21

I'll tell you exactly what happened with his ex fwb: he acted really into her, he made her feel like he might want something more because otherwise, why on earth did he seem to want to work his way into her life so much? So she started to consider being more with fwb. And the second she did that, his ego was validated and he was done with her so he spun it round on her and made out she was the one that was clingy

Been there and have the T shirt . I agree .

Prayerwheel Sat 20-Jun-20 07:49:07

What @Bunnymumy said. I’ve also found that many men are actually nowhere near as into no-strings-attached sex as is popularly supposed, when it’s the woman making it clear she’s not interested in taking it further. It’s as if you’re supposed to want more — because you’re a girl, and thus dream about rings and white dresses and settling down to have babies etc etc — or they get off on the idea you’re in fact pining for girlfriend status while bravely settling for being FWB because they’re in the driving seat.

Carlotacoffee Sat 20-Jun-20 07:56:01

You dented his ego.

PinkyBrain Sat 20-Jun-20 08:00:34

He wanted you to fall in love with him like this other woman who may or may not exist. grin

It feeds his ego to have a fwb who really likes him and wants more because he gets to take as much or as little of a relationship as he wants all on his own terms and it makes him feel irresistible? Powerful? By telling him you’re in love with someone else and your arrangement is exactly what you agreed - an arrangement - you’ve taken the power away and now he’s playing games to mess with your head because he’s exactly that. A headfuck. grin

Bunnymumy Sat 20-Jun-20 10:55:14

Haha definately do what @NoHardSell said
xD

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