Long time user but name changed for this one as a lot of people know me on here
May turn out to be a load of waffle but just needed somewhere to put down my thoughts.
I'll start off by saying my OH does have positive qualities and I don't want to LTB. We generally have a good relationship. We laugh, we are affectionate and have a good sex life
But....
I've come to realise that over the years I'm the one who does all the relationship admin as it were. At the start he took me on dates, planned nice things for us and it was lovely, I can't even remember when it all stopped but for as long as I can remember now, if I don't organise things for us to do, we do nothing. He's complimented me in the past on my 'low maintenance' and independence but really that's bullshit for 'it's great that I have to make no effort' isn't it?
I constantly get 'what's for dinner tonight?' Or 'what are our plans for the weekend?' Or 'what are we doing tonight' Or if I suggest he arranges something I usually get 'I'll let you choose' Any date nights are always down to me or we'd just do nothing. During lockdown I've tried to make these nice, cooked special meals/ lit candles etc 'dined out' in our own kitchen so to speak but on the couple of occasions I've suggested he arranges something it's just been 'ok what takeaway do you want?' and that's been it.
Recently it was our anniversary and he completely forgot, I handed him his card and gift and he looked all sheepish and then said 'it's only a day isn't it? We don't need a day to show how much we love each other, I tell you I love you every day' - all true I guess but also a great way for him to justify once again putting no effort in. Does that mean all anniversaries are now cancelled? I'm not asking for expensive gifts or anything, him lighting a few candles and sticking a frozen pizza in would at least make me feel like he'd thought about it and tried.
We have talked about it on a few occasions and I've told him I find it draining being the one to choose and plan everything. It always results in a bunch of flowers and him taking me out for a meal (although obviously I know that can't happen at the moment!) but then it's like he's done his bit and it's all back to square one again.
Is it so wrong to want just a little romance? A bit of spontaneity? I know things are difficult at the moment, I'm not bothered about material gifts or expensive dates but even if he just said we were going for a picnic in the park or ANYTHING I'd love it.
I often get up and bring him a cuppa in bed on a weekend, I asked him if he'd make me one last weekend for a change and he did - after he'd sighed and rolled his eyes.
Am I expecting too much? Do other partners do things to make you feel special or is that just in the movies?
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Relationships
Low maintenance = zero effort
namechanger202 · 19/06/2020 10:52
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