It’s my two year anniversary today and I think my marriage may be over. Could do with an objective viewpoint on my situation as I feel I’m slowly going insane here...
I met my French husband in France 6 years ago; 3 years later we had an accidental baby, then got married (I felt it was important to have a stable family environment for our child) then had another unplanned baby.
Fast forward and kids are now 3 and 16 months, we moved back to UK so I could progress my career (not a popular decision but he’s got a good job here too). And my husband has checked out.
If I want him to do ANYTHING, I have to nag him. If I don’t nag (I’ve tried) he sits around eating, smoking, and watching YouTube on his phone. During lockdown I’m the main earner and have been working every hour - finishing at midnight, starting again at 5 - trying to get my business up and running and getting us financially stable.
I’ve given him an ultimatum - engage with your family and your life, or leave. He made a token effort and has now gone back to being a vegetable. He has no passion, no ambition, no desire to talk to me - still wants occasional sex but feels like simply a physical release for him.
I’m very driven, have high expectations of myself and those around me, and tend to be critical. But I’m also generous, hardworking, and very loving. I tend towards being a bit needy in relationships so we did have a dynamic where I was chasing and he was running away, but I nipped that in the bud and we’re basically completely disengaged now. We’ve tried therapy and his attitude seemed to stump the therapist too - he’s stubborn and proud and doesn’t really seem to want to change. Just wants his creature comforts, to work hard in his job, and to have minimal/non-challenging contact with the children.
I am buckling under the pressure of holding everything together. I tell myself that the stress of getting married, having kids, moving country has essentially put him in a state of overload and shock and he just needs time and for me to take the lions share of take and responsibilities. I do also wonder if he’s depressed but he’s massively avoidant and won’t address it.
He also has a bad temper, he pushed me over once when I was pregnant, threw a metal clothes airer at my head and made my face and ear bleed, raised his fist, throws stuff at me...last night we had an argument and he screamed at me, waking both children so I went upstairs. He followed me up and shouted swear words at me in french while I was breastfeeding the baby then spat on me and left the house.
I’m not innocent either - I haven’t been physically violent but have said very nasty stuff to him and can be emotionally volatile which he finds very stressful.
Writing it down like this, it looks like a complete shit show. Thoughts? Ideas? Advice?
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Relationships
Can I save this marriage?
CalicoPony · 19/06/2020 01:45
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