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He says he already moved on and asking me to move on but all i was doing is to learn to make it work

(45 Posts)
sravani0 Thu 18-Jun-20 23:42:33

Hello,
I'm in a relationship with a muslim guy since almost three years now. We are going through a tough time since 5 months as he wants me to get converted in order to continue relationship and to marry me. I'm an hindu and i did not agree to him. I asked him to accept me the way i am. He said it is mandatory for me to a muslim to marry him. We stopped talking to each other almost for a month and I realised i can not live like this and i want to go for it. I have been doing research about islam. I have asked many of friends to understand it. Today i texted in stating that I'm ready to take this step. I even talked to my mother and she is okay with it. To my surprise, he is now saying that he moved on and asking me to move on too.
Now i am all more than just broken. I dnt know what to do. I was really hoping that he would be happy with my decision but he is moving on now. I am begging him to forgive me for telling him to accept me the way i am or move on. But for me it is a big step and it took time for me to take this step. Now he says he dont want to do it and moved on already. I'm clueless and my whole world is falling down

OP’s posts: |
TorysSuckRevokeArticle50 Thu 18-Jun-20 23:47:23

I don't think he's worth it to be honest.

He asked you to make a massive change, you took a small amount of time to think about it and in that month he's moved on from a 3 year relationship.

You deserve someone who loves you.

CucumberTree Thu 18-Jun-20 23:50:02

OP, so sorry you’ve been treated this way. Such a big thing for yo to do but it sadly sounds like he doesn’t love you. I hope you find someone who loves you for you. Do not beg him to come back, maybe that’s what he wants but you are worth more than that,

user1972548274 Thu 18-Jun-20 23:53:59

He sounds controlling. Why have you been accepting such shabby treatment? Don't you value yourself?

SlowHorse Thu 18-Jun-20 23:57:03

I find it hard to believe your mother was OK with it - without meeting him or family. Are you in South East England? If so, you may be aware of the conversion plan re Targeting Hindu girls.

Jkslays Fri 19-Jun-20 00:10:21

Have you ever thought he asked you to convert knowing how incredibly difficult for you it would be and he was expecting you to say no - so you would split up and he wouldn’t take the blame?

Jkslays Fri 19-Jun-20 00:10:52

SlowHorse

I find it hard to believe your mother was OK with it - without meeting him or family. Are you in South East England? If so, you may be aware of the conversion plan re Targeting Hindu girls.

What is this?

SuckingDownDarjeeling Fri 19-Jun-20 00:35:29

If he truly loved you, he would have waited until the end of time for you to convert, if that really mattered to him in order to marry you. There would be no other option for him, it would have to be you

As a PP said, he just sounds controlling. He wanted you to change for him, he told you to jump, and you didn't ask 'how high'?

I know more than anything that right now you will struggle to see how bad this person is for you. But please, please, take a huge step back. Do not chase him. Do not 'beg' for his forgiveness- as you've done nothing wrong.

He seems to have moved on from your relationship as quickly as you would move on from ordering from your favourite takeaway if it turned out they were closed.

If you push and he 'comes around' and takes you back, your life with him will be miserable. He will use the fact that you made him wait for an answer whenever he wants to get his own way. Nothing he does will ever be good enough.

And also, here's something. I once had a Muslim man interested in me. I am Christian. I told him I would never convert to Islam. He told me that is not a problem - that if the man is Muslim, he can marry a woman who follows any of the major religions. Now I'm not sure exactly how true that was. I never wanted to pursue anything with him. But can you see the difference? He was willing to make an exception for me!! This man doesn't want to do anything for anybody.

Find somebody better for you xx

Bunnymumy Fri 19-Jun-20 01:25:45

He asked you to abandon your god/s for him. Screw that shit! I dont know how anyone who loves you could ever ask that. It just isn't on.

He is a great big old jerk and you should drop him like hot coal.

Bunnymumy Fri 19-Jun-20 01:35:15

It sounds like you also have a religious journey to take.

You had a moment of weakness because you were lonely and that doesnt necessarily mean you are not hindu anymore but maybe you need to explore other faiths/find a way to reconnect with your maker.

I dont think any God would want you to chase after this man. Because he is coldhearted and he does not want what is best for you.

Also, has you 'converted' that would have been nothing but lip service. Surely that would have bern offensive to his god? It seems like he only really cared about the cultural aspect or what others might say if he married out with his faith.

You deserve someone who loves you and respects your beliefs and choices. Not a dictator.

Find your own path (or your way back to it) and sod the nasty ex.

2Finallypregnant Fri 19-Jun-20 03:11:14

I am muslim, and he is a liar. You do not have to be muslim for him to marry you. I am sorry, but he doesn’t seem like a good person if he is willing to lie to you.

Isthisfinallyit Fri 19-Jun-20 04:26:14

IIRC he can marry a non muslim, he just has to raise the kids as muslim. It was just an excuse for him to break up with you. I'm sorry OP. Heartbreak is awful. I hope you get over him soon.

KatherineJaneway Fri 19-Jun-20 04:26:58

I think the whole conversion issue is a red herring. He said it thinking you'd never do it, hence bringing the relationship a close which is what he wanted.

You went back and said yes so he had to tell you the truth, he doesn't want a relationship with you anymore. Sorry flowers

Yeahnahmum Fri 19-Jun-20 05:28:58

God no op. Give up on this man that wants to strip you of what you believe and turn you into something you are not.

pigeon999 Fri 19-Jun-20 06:59:22

Your whole world has not fallen apart, and it sounds to me like you have had a lucky escape. Please try to get some control over your emotions, because being so desperately sad and upset is helping no one, especially you.

If he loved you, as difficult as it is to hear, he would not have 'moved on' and not spoken to you for a month. Think about your future, converting to a religion you do not truly believe in, your life would be a sham and a fake. You don't need to compromise your own values to be with anyone. This is not a recipe for a good marriage or relationship.

Get some counselling, get support from friends and family. Pick up your dignity and leave him behind. You won't feel as sad as this in a few weeks, in a few months you will be so much stronger and you have your whole future ahead of you and may look back at him in a very different light. Be happy op.

KellyHall Fri 19-Jun-20 07:04:21

Take a step back, try and look at the situation objectively. Imagine your best friend had juat told you this story, wouldn't your reaction be to tell her not to give up herself for someone who's asking too much.

I'm on the verge of my second divorce and the most important advice I can give you is to never give too much of yourself up for someone else's happiness, especially when someone's asking you to.

sravani0 Sun 21-Jun-20 12:48:18

I wanted to try for the last time. Hence i met him yesterday. He says that his parents are looking for matches for him and he wants to leave the decision to his parents.( he never even confessed about our relationship) now he says he wants to listen to his parents and marry the one they choose. I was broken into pieces when he said this to me after being with me for three years, i have accepted him even after he left me for many times. Reasons being, he said he can’t see future with me because of the religion. he left and he came back. He said we will work it out. I believed him and took him back. While he was in relationship with me he was still stalking his ex and he had pictures of them in his phone. I was broken at that time but he promised he only loves me and will not do it ever again and deleted the pictures. I never even asked him about this since i trust him. He never use to express anything, never use to talk about future, i was always feeling incomplete in the relationship but i have accepted him the way he is and u thought i would fill the relationship with what is missing and i will make it complete. When he said he wants to marry someone his parents chooses, i could not stop myself meeting him for one last time to try to sort out things. I went near his home and i called him, he was just asking me to go back the way i came. I insisted on meeting me otherwise i would directly come to his home and talk to his parents about what he is doing to me when i am ready to convert which he has been asking me for. He was scared and met me. He even called his best friend. I didn’t know that. He was waiting at our backside. I asked him why is he doing this to me when all he ever wanted to have is me saying yes for the conversion for our marriage to work out. I agree that i said i cant change my religion when all he was saying is “ you have to be a muslim, u need to stop following your hindu rules, u cant participate in any festivals or poojas, u need to follow rules of islam and i even asked atleast if he would give me some freedom without restrictions, he said restrictions are must. He was never giving me positive vibes or hopes to atleast think about it. I was afraid i was scared and i was more than sad that the one who loves me cant compromise on anything for me. Hence i asked him to move on since this is not the way to work this out. I can comprise anything but not at the cost of loosing myself. I blocked him on all the social media. I also said that i will be waiting for me to come and accept me the way i am or atleast offer me freedom if i am converting. He never agreed to either of them. I unblocked him after 3-4 days and he used to text me he is missing me and i used to reply i am missing him too and i still love him. I was just waiting if he tries to compromise on few things and come back. I was never moving on. After that we never texted each other for 15 days and i texted him on 16th day saying that i will convert and i am willing to do everything to make this work out and i was asking his help. Then he replied back saying he already moved on since i pushed him away( yes i did coz that was justified when he answered with no to all of my 100 of questions) . But even after that i thought about it and if it is not working out the way i wanted I thought we will do this in his way. But he says he was very broken when i asked him to move on and said this is not going to happen and he says he took it very serious and thought about it all these days and made a strong decision to move on. Now i feel like a fool. I asked him to move on if he is not willing to accept me the way i am or if he is not willing to offer me some freedom. But here i am willing to do anything now. Which he always wanted. Now he is saying he already moved on and just giving me reasons saying his parents are finding matches just because i would also move on by hearing that. But its not true. I asked him what he wants me to do now. He says @ agar apki kuch hothi toh woh kudh aapke paas aatha, nai toh samajlena that i moved on. He also says he doesnt know whether he loves me or not now. I mean, what big mistake did i do to turn him the way he is now?

OP’s posts: |
funnylittlefloozie Sun 21-Jun-20 13:02:43

You are being dramatic now. You did nothing wrong to "turn him the way he is now". Hes an ignorant, manipulative man, and given what you've said about him stalking his ex, you've probably had a lucky escape.

You havent been a fool so far, but if you keep running after this man, begging for a chance to cut away even more of yourself, well, that would be the behaviour of a fool.

Be sad, grieve your lost relationship, and then pick yourself up and move on. There will be a good man out there for you who wont ever make you feel like this.

SuckingDownDarjeeling Sun 21-Jun-20 13:04:37

OP... I don't want to make you feel any worse than you already do. You're clearly struggling to come to terms with what has happened. But you really need to let this man go.

He had no intention of being faithful to you. At the moment you're risking coming across as obsessed and unable to let go. That won't make him respect you, nothing will.

I think deep down you must know that you don't want to spend the rest of your life with somebody with such low morals.

Regardless of which religion you follow, you must see that your life partner should be respectful to you, your future children, your family and his own.

I don't think you could be proud as this man's wife. Please walk away from him. He's done you a favour by being so cold, he's made the decision very easy for you. There's nothing left worth saving. Don't lose what's left of your self worth by begging him to have you. Talk to your family, your friends, a temple priest. Have a think about what you want your married life to look like when you have children. You should want a man who loves you as much as you love him, who respects you as the mother of his children and who would never ask you to compromise yourself for him.

You've done a great thing coming here for advice. Please listen to people here x

KatherineJaneway Sun 21-Jun-20 15:26:30

He played you all along. He was always going to marry who his parents chose. He proved that when you said you'd convert and he then found another excuse not to commit to you.

Bunnymumy Sun 21-Jun-20 16:03:23

OP you have your answer. So delete and block him from everything perminantly and choose to move on with your life.

He was a massive asshole.

What would you tell a friend if she had been treated this badly by some jerk?

It's time you do right by yourself.
Treat yourself better.

DrunkUnicorn Sun 21-Jun-20 16:29:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RantyAnty Mon 22-Jun-20 03:16:55

This isn't the first time I've heard of very religious men doing this.

It's very hurtful now, but some day you'll realise he did you a favour by leaving. You don't have to give up your religion for anyone.

There is a good man out there for you. One that will love and cherish you and see you as equal.

sravani0 Tue 21-Jul-20 19:47:42

Hello people. Hope everyone is doing fine in this pandemic.

I (24years) was in a relationship with a guy (28years) for 3years. From this year February we have been going through alot of disturbances regarding the future as i am an hindu and he is a muslim. He strictly said he can only marry me if I convert. Without nikah the marriage is not accepted in his religion. I was not really ready to take that step since I am not in a religious person nor do I believe in god. Initially I told him to accept me as I am and asked him that we will do registered marriage but he was not agreeing and sticked to only one thing that is i have to convert. After alot of discussions I decided to end this as it is not gng to work out and asked him to move on. He said he cant leave me and asking me to think about what he said. Though i asked him to move on and decided to end this relationship I couldn't do that as well. Since feb, we used to text each other very rare than usual. He used to text me saying he misses me and loves me and waiting for me to think about what he said. I used to text him the same. And on may 30th he text me stating he cant leave without me and said he is waiting for a miracle to happen and my mind to change. I wanted him too but not at the cost of loosing myself. I also told him that I am ready for the conversion but asked him to give me some liberal to live my life the way I want and not to put restrictions as every muslim family do usually. He said he cant promise on that and restrictions are must. With these words i was too afraid to accept the conversion. That is why I told to put an end to the relationship. I also told him that I will also be waiting for him to come and hold my hand and accept me the way I am. Neither of us were moving on. We were stuck at our own decisions to take the relationship further. After may 30th he didnt text me. I texted him on june 2nd saying i really love him and I'll be waiting for him to take a decision. He ignored and I had been doing research and seeking advice from muslim frnds regarding the conversion. After which i have decided to convert and told him my decision on june 16th. To my surprise he said he moved on already. I was willing to do everything what he said because he is not taking any step hence i thought i will take a step to keep this relationship. I was really looking forward to see him happy by hearing my decision but he only said he moved on and asked me to move on. He said its better we marry the ones our parents choose and our relationship is not going to work out and there would be a lot of complications. I kept requesting him not to do this and begged him not to move on. The next day i called him and he said he is going to get married soon. After listening to this I rushed to his place and we met near his home. I was trying my best to sort things out . I asked him to give me a second chance as I pushed him away saying i will not convert. Though it was not my mistake. Am I wrong in expecting my man to marry me the way I am without converting me ? But I was ready to do everything for our marriage. He was not giving me any reason for moving on. He just says i moved on and you should move on too. He said if its meant to be, time will put everything back together and he asked me to go back home. I was waiting for a month for him to text me. I used to call and text him but he blocked me everywhere. When I stalked his fb from my brothers facebook, there was a new girl who reacted to his cover picture which i felt something suspicious. I opened her account and see that she works in the same company as well. I and him work in the same company.

Now the important part is: He once told me that I don’t have any rights on him when I last met him. He didn’t allow me to hold his hand when i tried too when i last met him. His whatsapp status always shows online, his number will always be busy in odd times whenever i tried to contact him from my family members phone since he blocked my number. I got promoted in the meanwhile to HR operations role. I shared this thing with him via office chat group and he ignored it completely. He didn’t even congratulate me. I felt something fishy. I could sense there is some other girl in his life but I blamed myself for assuming things since I know the kind of a person he is. I believed he wouldn’t go for another girl , atleast this soon.
After checking this girls account, i felt like she must be in his life. She almost gave love reaction to all of his recent pictures he uploaded on his FB. I texted him on our office chat bridge since I had no other source of communication. I asked him if she is the reason behind leaving me without a proper explanation? Is she in his life. I asked him many questions yet he ignored everything. My world started falling down my heart was aching. I requested him to let me know the truth so that I can move on and do not be stuck like this. He ignored. I had no other way other than calling the girl. I took her number from our workstation. I called her and introduced myself as his girlfriend and asked if she knew him. She said yes. I asked if they are in relationship for which she denied in the beginning to tell saying its private. But after speaking to her and explaining my problem, she concluded that they are in relationship since two months and their parents spoke to get them married. I was dead. Couldn’t speak a word. I told her to call him once and put him on conference. She did what i requested. I spoke to him in sorrow, angry. I asked him why didn’t he tell me the truth when i was begging him. He just says he moved on and yes he loves her and wants to continue with her. I couldn’t say anything other than disconnecting the call. I couldn’t get over this and was still thinking he might accepted this marriage for family for religion. I kept texting him all day and night. I was asking him to break this match and come back since we love eachother and he cant do that to me. I was under impression that he is doing all this to forget me and do not have guts to talk at home about us. I didn’t sleep the whole night and in the morning i kept calling him but he blocked my number. I decided to go to his home and confess everything to his parents so that they might understand us and accept our love. I went to his home and spoke to his parents. His dad said its between me and him so you guys talk and decide what to do. I asked his parents who is this new girl and they say we thought of fixing this match but it didn’t work out. I don’t understand why these guys are in contact then. I went back home and he called me and said he is coming to meet me with the new girl. I asked him what is the problem. Religion problem is sorted, parents problem is sorted( my parents accepted our love as well) and why are you still asking me to move on. He said he doesn’t have feeling for me and asked me to move on. He yelled at me for coming to his home and he was threatening me that if i ever call him again he is gonna break my ass. He gave bad words and so did I. I vent out my pain and anger for not telling me the truth and leaving me just like that in 15days. I gave myself to him. I gave my virginity and I also had an abortion where he left me and came back a year ago. After all this, he just left me now and in a new relationship with a new girl. Just in 15days of not talking to each other. I’m all broken and I couldn’t get over this.

OP’s posts: |
ahsan Tue 21-Jul-20 20:07:56

Your wasting your time, Muslim men only marry Muslim women or ones that will convert. They will never marry a Hindu never meaning never as you believe in several gods wheereas Christian believe in one. Was never. Going to happen will never happen you’ve been used sorry. He told his parents they would be horrified that’s why he hasn’t told them

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