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Please tell me if I'm crazy

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amiascrazyastheysay Tue 16-Jun-20 15:52:15

Named changed for this as it's outing and I've changed a few details. Backstory - Had a horrific breakup with ex. Lots of gaslighting and emotional abuse.

So cue to recently my daughter (3) told me her dads partner showers naked with her and her younger sister. I text my ex and told him this was inappropriate and it was ignored.

Today I told him I'd a meeting and to be on time and he showed up 30mins late for pick up. He has been late every time now since he's found out I have a new job. No apology.

So I lost me shit and told him it was a joke and I'm under severe pressure to get work done as I've no child care due to lockdown. I then shouted at his ex to stop showering with my kids or I'd call social. I will hold my hand up and admit I really lost my cool, I'm under a lot of pressure at work and I'm frustrated at being ignored and disrespected all the time.

Now they've both texting me to tell me I'm crazy, psycho and don't deserve the kids and that I have borderline personality disorder (they're diagnoses)

I'm here crying, because I know I shouldn't have shouted and I did say sorry for that. But they never listen to me. I'm frustrated and I'm exhausted, the kids don't sleep. And I'm trying to work multiple jobs often to deadlines. I just want to know am I crazy? Do I have borderline personality disorder? Do I need help for my head? I'm so ashamed of myself. Was I totally unreasonable?

OP’s posts: |
Cocobean30 Tue 16-Jun-20 15:56:01

You shouldn’t have lost your cool but you know that so I don’t think you’re being unreasonable.
Yours ex’s gf showering with your kids is totally unacceptable in my opinion! Is it because he doesn’t want to bathe them? I guess he hasn’t even admitted it to you

amiascrazyastheysay Tue 16-Jun-20 15:59:30

@Cocobean30 no he hasn't admitted it. My child told me they wash their boobies together. I just think it's so wrong and inappropriate. And then she tells me I don't deserve my kids 🙁

OP’s posts: |
balloonsintrees Tue 16-Jun-20 16:12:33

You don't have BPD. They are ignorant lazy fuckers who are pathetic for trying to belittle you.
BPD is a horrendous mental illness (was diagnosed 12 years ago), but is possible to control and SS will not take your kids away because your ex thinks he is the big 'I am' and knows better than psychiatrists to be able to diagnose you. He sounds like a twat.

balloonsintrees Tue 16-Jun-20 16:13:27

(Sorry, in a bad mood trying not to lose my rag at husband for wasting a load of food that I needed for tomorrow)

KrisAkabusi Tue 16-Jun-20 16:15:23

I know you've bhad problems with him, and there's probably lots you gave against him, but I don't see why her showering with your kids is unacceptable though. When you say Partner, I assume she's someone he's with long term rather than a casual girlfriend. If so, isn't it better that your kids are comfortable spending time with her, particularly when she's looking after them?

Nudity isn't inherently wrong and certainly not worth going to SS about!

usersouthcoast Tue 16-Jun-20 16:16:18

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Windyatthebeach Tue 16-Jun-20 16:16:51

Op I saw your previous post. Report to ss is my advice. This won't improve.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale Tue 16-Jun-20 16:17:27

Is contact court ordered?

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty Tue 16-Jun-20 16:19:23


MissBaskinIfYoureNasty Tue 16-Jun-20 16:19:38


usersouthcoast Tue 16-Jun-20 16:21:37

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justforthecake Tue 16-Jun-20 16:22:07

Nudity isn't wrong or worrying.

Seriously not an issue for social services

ginginchinchin Tue 16-Jun-20 16:26:03

Any third party being naked with your kids is obviously something you should be concerned about. @justforthecake is wrong.

bloodyhellsbellsx Tue 16-Jun-20 16:27:25

Have you posted about this before it sounds familiar? I don’t think SS would be interested unless you suspect the child is at risk of sexual abuse?

Windyatthebeach Tue 16-Jun-20 16:27:59

Discussing boobs with a toddler not yours is very inappropriate - washing together is inappropriate here...
There is simply no need to do so.

Bluntness100 Tue 16-Jun-20 16:30:54

How long has she known the kids? How often do they stay with her? How old is the youngest one?

It could simoly be she just hops in with the two girls, but if you’ve issues with it, then I think there is better ways to handle it than loosing your shit to be honest.

marns Tue 16-Jun-20 16:31:47

@usersouthcoast so the OP is skanky for not wanting her daughters to see the step mum in the shower even though what you have wrote in the post agrees that you didn't want your step son to see you naked and should only be the mum?

growinggreyer Tue 16-Jun-20 16:32:24

I think you should cut a lot of the detail out of this and repost in relationships. People are going to be distracted by boobies and miss all the gaslighting and pressure that you are getting from your ex.

I won't offer advice as there are other posters who can give you much better but here with a hand hold. brew

Bluntness100 Tue 16-Jun-20 16:32:24

Any third party being naked with your kids is obviously something you should be concerned about. *@justforthecake is wrong*

Not necessarily. This could basically be their step mother who looks after them half the time or more. The children could view her as their step mother, and she could have been in the children’s lives since they were tiny.

Smallsteps88 Tue 16-Jun-20 16:33:23

And a bit skanky

Op sounds skanky? confused how?

amiascrazyastheysay Tue 16-Jun-20 16:34:01

I haven't posted on her showering before but I have posted on the ex situation.

I just think if I let a male partner (I don't have one) shower with my kids that would be inappropriate. But it's ok for another women to shower with them?

OP’s posts: |
usersouthcoast Tue 16-Jun-20 16:35:09

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amiascrazyastheysay Tue 16-Jun-20 16:35:18

@balloonsintrees thanks for that. I had another little cry reading it. I was in therapy when he left me due to what happened and he's tried to use it against me throughout court and throughout the years that have passed since.

OP’s posts: |
amiascrazyastheysay Tue 16-Jun-20 16:37:24

@usersouthcoast wow thanks I'm skanky. As if I haven't enough to deal with 😕

OP’s posts: |

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