Sorry if this is a long one - I feel like I need to rant! To give you some background, DH and I have been together for 20 years. Met at university in our final year just after his dad died. I went on to do a masters, he did nothing with his degree, I think he was very lost after his DF died and didn’t really deal with it.
He flitted from low paid job to low paid job, not using any of his qualifications. He worked in sales and was fired on several occasions for not hitting targets, including when I was pregnant with DS2. In the meantime, I worked my way up in my industry and did well in my career. l went part time after DS1 was born. We never had any money though as I was always paying off our credit cards, supporting him if he was out of work or supplementing his poor income. Fast forward to two years ago: he finally got a job he was good at and suddenly we had a lot of money. I thought our lives had finally changed for the better and our relationship was the best it had been in years and we were happy. And then he got fired again. He did find a new job the same week which paid well and in the same sector so the stress was short lived. However, I was angry at him for losing yet another job. I also discovered he’s in £12000 of debt as he’s been putting extra money in our account to look like he’d paid more than he actually is. This is ridiculous as he actually has a very good salary but a bit lower than his previous one.
His former employer is now trying to claim from him £50000 in commission earned on contracts that have now been cancelled. So DH has disputed this and we are now £6000 into solicitor’s fees (the tip of the iceberg) whilst awaiting to hear a tribunal date. We’ve no savings so have had to borrow money on the house to pay towards the legal fees.
I’m just so fed up of him fucking up again. I feel like we lurch from one disaster to another, with some nice times in between. He’s a brilliant dad, very kind and caring and would do anything for me and DS’s. When I suffered from depression a couple of years ago, he really was my rock and supported me through it and I can honestly say he’s my best friend. But I’m not sure how many more chances I can give him. Is it too much to ask that he holds down a steady job without any drama or incidences? I’ve told him to get some counselling to help him break this pattern and to maybe think about working for himself but deep down, I’m not sure he can change. Do I give up on someone I love and break the family up because he’s a disaster at work and the cause of much stress in our lives?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Husband is a disaster
Alittlebitofbasil · 16/06/2020 14:12
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