Me and my bf have had some problems regarding socializing. It’s a subject that has slowly emerged over the years. I don’t want to use the introvert/extrovert division since I don’t think it describes us accurately, but it seems like the internet likes to simplify it like that. My bf is quite asocial and introverted. I’m more extroverted (i'm a bit more of a mix).
I’ve had a bit of a naïve idea that once I have a boyfriend we would have similar ideas regarding socializing. I kind of imagined a relationship where we would have dinner with each other’s parents, meet up with best friend and their spouse, go to family milestones together, go to brother’s bbq etc. Not all the time, but every now and then. But that image did not become a reality and I fell for a guy that does not enjoy social situations or have any sense of duty regarding them (I have a strong need to show up for people I care about even if I’m not 100% feeling it, then have a recharge day the next day)
I absolutely don’t want to force him into anything he doesn’t want to. I don’t need to be attached to the hip. I’m capable of going on my own. It is just that I have a strong family culture of showing up to certain things and I want to share different aspects of my life with my partner. Also, it just sometimes sucks going to things alone especially when everyone else is with their partner and your partner is at home.
I’ve done a lot of reading about this subject. Seems to be quite a common problem and there is a lot of information about this. The info was very varied but in general it seemed that the extroverted one should understand the introverted one better and leave them be when they need to.
I’m willing to accept that we may have a compatibility issue but not before we have talked about it. I’m mentally preparing for the conversation but I don’t really know about my own boundaries or what is a fair expectation. I do understand that I need to be more understanding and accepting of him not socializing with me. However, I’m not sure I have to completely accept that it is only up to him. If you have been in this situation how have you compromised? Can I have some expectations on going to things together? How do I let go of the idea that we socialize together?
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Relationships
Introvert-extrovert relationship. How to handle the different social needs?
Rezrex · 16/06/2020 12:36
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