Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

How would you handle a friend behaving like this??

(16 Posts)
mosschops30 Mon 24-Sep-07 11:10:38

My friend has been a bit weird of late. Ive tried to put it down to a number of things (happy in relationship/new job/busy) but its just getting weirder.

She and her ex-husband are my ds's godparents (they were separated then too). He is always very hands on with the children and loves to babysit or take them out swimming etc. She is less so, if I call for a favour (which is rare) shes always busy (despite moaning that shes so lonely and no-one bothers to see her).
Anyway a few weeks ago I saw her in the garage and she just ranted about her work, never once asked after me or the kids, not that I minded that much, everyone needs to vent now and then.
Then I txt her and said we had been asked to stay with a friend for the weekend and did she want to go, she txt back saying she has new job and cannot 'just take friday off' so I txt her back saying we could go friday night, she didnt reply.
She's back with the guy who repeatedly shits on her (there are cultural issues, he just uses her), and she doesnt like my dh.
To top this off last week she gave dd a lift from the bus stop, dropped her off and drove off hmm saying 'tell your mum I'll phone'.

Should I txt her and ask whats going on or just leave it die, I know she will say its nothing it'll be 'oh hunny I'm just soo busy' etc etc sad

LoveMyGirls Mon 24-Sep-07 11:12:18

I'd ignore her until she starts giving back.

Pennies Mon 24-Sep-07 11:13:24

If you're worried about her then talk to her. Persoanlly the I'm so busy line gets right up my nose, though. It sounds like she has a host of other probs tho so I'd try and get to the bottom of that and take it from there.

Saturn74 Mon 24-Sep-07 11:15:27

Turn up on her doorstep with bottle of wine or chocolates or cream cakes (delete as appropriate), and ask her how she is.

Desiderata Mon 24-Sep-07 11:18:00

I have the same problem with ds's godmother, mossy. I don't know what the solution is, but my instinct is that you should leave her to it, for the time being at least.

Is it possible that her on/off dp is sticking the boot in ...?

BandofMothers Mon 24-Sep-07 11:18:52

HC you must be really nice to think to approach the problem that way. My first thought was ignore her til she calls youblush

Gobbledigook Mon 24-Sep-07 11:20:38

I'm with Lovemygirls - I'd ignore too. I haven't got the time or energy to deal with this sort of thing. If already asked/checked that there is nothing bothering her that I can help with, then I'd just leave it. Her loss.

dolally Mon 24-Sep-07 11:33:48

is the new dp the controlling kind who doesn't like their gf's to keep up with old friends?

mosschops30 Mon 24-Sep-07 11:34:14

I'm inclined to agree with the more stubborn amongst us grin I have a lot going on too, and she knows that.
Desi do you mean being violent or metaphorically?? Hes not violent but he does dislike me and the feeling is mutual.

I just know she wont make the effort and I feel like txting and saying 'look whats going on, if its something Ive done I'd like to know'

Pruners Mon 24-Sep-07 11:43:12

Message withdrawn

curiouscat Mon 24-Sep-07 11:46:04

I think life's too short for rubbish friends. Your obviously want more from her in friendship/talk/support than she's giving. I had this a while back and decided not to call or text a beloved but too busy friend even though I missed them in my life. I felt better once I'd given up on her and felt justified when I didn't hear from her for a year or more because she was so 'busy'.

StealthPolarBear Mon 24-Sep-07 11:51:35

I'm one of the 'busy' ones too - time just slips away and I don't phone/ text/email. I always manage to MN though!
Thanks for this thread, it's a wake up call, might call my friend tonight (who has a DD just older than my DS but always manages to keep in touch).

mosschops30 Mon 24-Sep-07 12:18:05

My bugbear is that IMHO she's not particularly busy. Her children are grown up and she has a 9-4pm job which is 10 minutes from her house.
So its just that idiot she goes out with who fills up her days!!! angry

So should I say something or leave it?

curiouscat Mon 24-Sep-07 12:29:16

Well if you try to refresh/renew your friendship by telling her she's going out with an idiot instead of spending time with you it's not going to work is it? We all know partners take priority over friends, rightly or wrongly, until it goes pear shaped.

Also if she thinks she's busy then she is, even if by other standards she's a lazy mare who neglects her friends. IMO you're not going to change her, so best thing is to either get used to it, and appreciate her good qualities, or find another more reliable friend who's interested in you.

warthog Mon 24-Sep-07 12:32:13

depends on how much you get out of the relationship. if it were me, based on what you've posted, i'd leave her to get on with it. she's being bloody rude!

Desiderata Mon 24-Sep-07 13:36:05

Just got back to this thread, mossy. No, I meant metaphorically. Well, it sounds to me that he's the underlying reason .. but of course, your friend is/should be responsible for her own choice of friends.

I don't know ... I think if it's bothering you this much, perhaps you should text. If she doesn't respond, you at least know where you stand, eh?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now