Talk

Advanced search

Husband not happy with sex life

(151 Posts)
Mum0fF0ur Mon 15-Jun-20 07:19:36

I've found myself here after a google search lead me to an old thread titled My husband completely loses it when I have my period from March 2019. Reading through the replies was a real eye opener.

I almost feel like I'm here to justify my husband's behaviour, while asking for advice on how to deal with it. My husband does not completey lose it, nor does he get angry and shout at me, but he makes it known my period is an inconvenience for him and "our" sex life. I've been on the pill to skip periods due to low iron (my tubes are tied so don't need it as contraception). After 1-3 months I'd start to have a breakthrough bleed so I'd stop the pill and have my period come on to get it over and done with. Then restart the pill after my period. Almost each time he'd ask me if I skipped or missed my pills, as though I'd done it on purpose. I tried to explain about the breakthrough bleed/spotting starting on its own.

I stopped taking the pill in March to give my body a break from it so I'm back to my 28 day cycles. Yesterday we were out and I was looking in the car for a tampon, and he asks "seriously?". "Yes, I have my period. I need to find a bathroom at our next stop." His whole mood changed, he stopped making conversation and although he wasn't shouting or anything, I could tell he wasn't happy.

He tries it on almost every morning. I personally would rather sleep an extra 5 minutes! It's not unusual for me to be up a couple of times with our youngest two children. I just don't wake up in the mood? When I get up and go to walk out of the bedroom to start getting our kids up for school, he let's me know he was hoping for sex. A few times this results in doors being slammed when he gets up a few minutes after me.

Just curious if anyone else has been through this and came to a resolution to save their marriage. Thank you.

OP’s posts: |
Disfordarkchocolate Mon 15-Jun-20 07:22:19

That sounds very depressing. I wouldn't feel like a much loved wife but a sex toy. It would totally put me off sex too.

Anothernick Mon 15-Jun-20 07:39:59

He sounds selfish and inconsiderate. It sounds as though your sex life is entirely controlled by him, it is wrong of him to insist on you going on the pill when there is no reason to do so. You need to consider whether his attitude is acceptable, does it extend to other issues in your relationship?

Having said that, why not go ahead with sex anyway, period or not? My DW and I would just put a towel under us and carry on, though now she is past the menopause so the issue doesn't arise. It's a bit messy but quite fun when you get used to,it.

FruitTingleFrizzante Mon 15-Jun-20 07:57:19

You can have sex whilst on period.... just more clean up and if he's not down for that then that's his issue.... periods are a fact of life, I don't get the issue...
also reading between the lines - it seems it's a very one sided (he/his want/desires/demands) rather than a mutual satisfactory experience....I'd take strong issue with that and to save the marriage he would need to shift his attitude - what's the other option? Completely deny biology?

Persiaclementine Mon 15-Jun-20 08:04:44

You cant control your period. He needs to realise you are not his wanking vessel.

Grobagsforever Mon 15-Jun-20 08:09:24

I felt very uncomfortable and upset reading this OP.

He's abusive, he thinks you exist to service him.

How is he otherwise?

Fairycake2 Mon 15-Jun-20 08:10:49

He sounds like a twatt. I wouldn't want see with him at all

Fairycake2 Mon 15-Jun-20 08:11:19

*sex. Bloody auto correct!

Nihiloxica Mon 15-Jun-20 08:14:56

He sounds abusive.

You don't exist to provide him with an orifice to wank into.

Questioning your medication is seriously fucked up.

Shoxfordian Mon 15-Jun-20 08:17:19

He's treating you like a defective sex doll not a human. Ignore all the have sex anyway posts.
He's essentially coercing you into sex. There's a word for a man who does that.

GilbertMarkham Mon 15-Jun-20 08:28:04

*I felt very uncomfortable and upset reading this OP.

He's abusive, he thinks you exist to service him.

How is he otherwis

He sounds like a twat. I wouldn't want sex with him at all

He sounds abusive.

You don't exist to provide him with an orifice to wank into.

Questioning your medication is seriously fucked up.

He's treating you like a defective sex doll not a human. Ignore all the have sex anyway posts.
He's essentially coercing you into sex. There's a word for a man who does that.*

All these.

Just reading that made me fee pressured, stressed and very uncomfortable.

Sounds very much like sexual coercion.

Behaviour like this tends to be about control and possession as well as sex.

Men like this don't tend to change.

category12 Mon 15-Jun-20 08:28:47

Is he interested in a resolution that will save your marriage, or is it just you?

Because he's a sex pest. Do you actually want morning sex every day, or do you just do it to keep him from being a shithead?

GilbertMarkham Mon 15-Jun-20 08:29:16

They have views about women, relationships and a level.of entitlement that makes it pretty much impossible to have a good relationship.

You're not even tied by kids, if I read that right.

Fallsballs Mon 15-Jun-20 08:29:46

As previous posters have said, you are a human being with feelings, emotions and bodily functions, not a wank sock.
I don’t know what to advise as I think he’s being a bully and it saddens me you have to put up with his man child moods.

babbi Mon 15-Jun-20 08:29:53

He’s abusing you by using moods to try to control you .
I’m sorry OP but I would rethink this relationship.

Tiredmum100 Mon 15-Jun-20 08:32:55

Tbh he doesn't sound like the kind of man I'd want to have sex with period or no period. Such a turn off, a sex pest of a husband. Slamming doors because he doesn't get sex whilst your seeing to your children. How old is he? My advice is to talk to him and tell him how you feel. Then based on that you can decide what you want to do.

Angelonia Mon 15-Jun-20 08:33:00

It's ok to not want sex during your period (in the same). It is very much not ok for him to blame you and get angry about a perfectly natural bodily function.

category12 Mon 15-Jun-20 08:33:59

Does he bully and manipulate you in the rest of the relationship?

Incrediblytired Mon 15-Jun-20 08:35:11

He sounds horrible. It’s your body, you might want some space to yourself. I couldn’t cope with this

FunTimes2020 Mon 15-Jun-20 09:06:29

GilbertMarkham

They have views about women, relationships and a level.of entitlement that makes it pretty much impossible to have a good relationship.

You're not even tied by kids, if I read that right.

No you didn't!

Lynda07 Mon 15-Jun-20 09:08:01

Your husband sounds horrible! Does he have no self control at all or think of anything other than emptying himself in you? It's beyond me why anyone wants sex with a person who doesn't, it's supposed to be mutually desired.

I don't know how you can live with someone like him. He is well out of order.

RedRed9 Mon 15-Jun-20 09:10:35

He sounds disgusting.

bert3400 Mon 15-Jun-20 09:14:50

This is awful. How can you have sex with someone who is emotionally abusive because if a natural bodily function. How was he after you had your babies, did he allow you time to heal ? I can't believe I'm even asking this.
It's so shocking that you have remained in this abusive relationship

CodenameVillanelle Mon 15-Jun-20 09:19:01

PP stop telling her to have sex she doesn't want. If she chooses not to have sex on her period them clearly she doesn't want to. I'm sure it's occurred to her that it's physically possible, you don't need to point that out.

OP I'm sorry but this is sexually abusive. What is he like in the rest of your relationship?

vikingwife Mon 15-Jun-20 09:20:20

Does he not know how women’s bodies work? Also you know you are allowed to decline sex even when you’re not on your period right ?

whenever I read a post about a sex pest partner they always sulk & give silent treatment when they don’t get sex. They are always low key abusive & the poster doesn’t realise. Yet they are here making the thread because deep down they know the dynamic isn’t right.

I was eventually coercively raped by my sex pest boyfriend so this thread is triggering & am quite vocal about the damage are pests can do to a person’s self esteem - feeling like a wank sock, like you’re not good enough, that you can’t satisfy him.

I find these sex pests often are not satisfied by quickies either & want long drawn out sex sessions where you satisfy their kink. They will expect you to orgasm because being a sex God & getting you off feeds into their ego.

The reality is sex is his vice & you are the vehicle which ensures he gets his hit. He does not love or adore you deeply, the way a respectful partner should.

Relenting to sex you don’t want because you know they won’t quit pestering you & laying back to bed to think of England is not consent. It is damaging.

Even now I get panic attacks having consensual sex with a new partner if it’s going on too long. Because my rapist sex pest ex used to selfishly hold off his orgasms during a sex session I never even wanted. I honestly believe if I ever saw him again I don’t know what I would do, but it would likely lead to my arrest.

So I may be projecting and wrong about some of these musings, but my sentiment remains the same - GET OUT ASAP LIFE IS BETTER ON THE OTHER SIDE

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in