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Help me get over this one off by dg

(17 Posts)
Bulldogpig Sun 14-Jun-20 13:59:21

I have nc as I don't want this to link to my usual posts.
I will start this by saying this event is so out of the ordinary for dh, he is usually a wonderful, respectful man and this is why I kindly ask that those who would recommend I LTB off the cuff please bear in mind I am fragile at the moment and don't want to leave him at all.

Bit of relevant background. Dh and I have been together 6 and a half years, married 4, have a 21 month old toddler and I'm pregnant with dc2. I sleep naked.

Last night I get undressed and into bed. Obviously being pregnant by boobs are huge... But tender. I'm having a conversation with dh about something plain and simple, I can't even remember what and he completely ignores me and leans In to bite my nipple. When I push his head away and ask him what he's doing he says "sorry they're just so big". I hadn't given any sign of wanting sex.
Anyway, I had got into bed after previously feeling nauseous all evening and dh knew this. The conversation wasn't remotely sexual either.

I got up and went in the other room and had a little cry. Dh came through about 15 minutes later apologing seemingly sincerely and saying he wanted me to know he wasn't in bed and brushing it off but thinking about what he had done and that he didn't know why he had but knew this was no excuse. He offered to sleep in the other room so I could have our bed etc.
Today he has again apologised and said he doesn't know what to do. He wishes it didn't happen, doesn't know why it did etc.
I just can't shake the icky feeling it gave me. I felt I needed to put clothes on right away and in a usually open household I felt I wanted to dress and undress in private today.

My question is how can I shake this feeling and move past this? It was clearly an error of judgement which is out of character for him. Will distance from the event be the cure?

OP’s posts: |
Bulldogpig Sun 14-Jun-20 14:00:01

God that title was crap wasn't it? I meant dh, not dg!

OP’s posts: |
Funtcase95 Sun 14-Jun-20 14:07:37

He's apologised and you've said he seems sincere and this is out of character so I would take it as an honest misjudgment of a situation. Would sleeping in clothes and then removing an item over a few nights/weeks help at all?

Sorry it made you feel crap but from your post he seems to have just made a silly misjudgement so I'd try not to dwell on it!

justilou1 Sun 14-Jun-20 14:11:00

Awful! You poor thing! At least he genuinely seems to understand that he has sexually assaulted you. Men shock themselves when they realise that their wives bodies don’t belong to them.

dudsville Sun 14-Jun-20 14:15:22

His apology sounds good, he's understood, as you say you need to find a way to move on. It's hard to do with a toddler but i think you two could do with some time to reconnect after the event, start getting back to what's normal for you as a couple.

SomeoneElseEntirelyNow Sun 14-Jun-20 14:15:44

This would make me feel very uncomfortable, possibly even violated, and i think you'd be completely within your rights to tell him that he's deeply upset you, and that you need time to rebuild your trust in him.

Did this happen in a vacuum or is he a dick in other ways?

JustC Sun 14-Jun-20 14:15:50

He made a silly error in judgement, he has apologised in a way that you say shows he gets it was not ok for you. At this point it seems maybe your hormones are making you exagerate a bit. Could it be that?

JustC Sun 14-Jun-20 14:20:21

Sexually assaulted and violated? For going for his wife's nipple, in an otherwise normal marriage, where they obviously are intimate enough to sleep in the buff. While I think it was poor judgement on his part, as they were having a conversation, I really wouldn't go that far.

Bulldogpig Sun 14-Jun-20 14:22:42

Did this happen in a vacuum or is he a dick in other ways?

Nope this is completely not like him. He's not a dick in any other way which I think is why it has thrown me.

The suggestion to do something we usually would as a couple is a very good one.

OP’s posts: |
ttigerlilly Sun 14-Jun-20 14:26:37

I can understand totally why this upset you. It would upset me in normal circumstances, let alone if I was pregnant.

However it does sound as though he feels absolutely terrible and is desperate for you to forgive him. As it is an isolated incident I think he does deserve to be forgiven.

I would just take some time to yourself for today and have some space to cool off. You will feel better as time passes thanks

midnightstar66 Sun 14-Jun-20 14:26:46

It sounds awful and it's understandable you feel violated, but it seems he has accepted this and actually means his apology rather than just saying it to keep you happy. If he had reacted differently then you'd probably get more LTB. Will probably just take you a while to feel comfortable again

LookAtTheCahhOlivahhhhh Sun 14-Jun-20 14:27:46

Ugh. BBB, Bite the Bastard Back.

But seriously, tell him to keep his hands off you and wait for you to come to him. Hopefully he'll understand to wait for you to want to cuddle him. Unfortunately they think that kind of thing is funny.

Bulldogpig Sun 14-Jun-20 14:33:59

Your replies have really helped me, thank you.
The comment about being close enough to sleep in the buff made me laugh, I don't know why! But it made me feel better about it being a one off.
You're all right, it was an isolated incident and time and distance from it will help me get over it. I think it was just the shock of the choice being taken away.

OP’s posts: |
JustC Sun 14-Jun-20 14:46:22

Bulldogpig

Your replies have really helped me, thank you.
The comment about being close enough to sleep in the buff made me laugh, I don't know why! But it made me feel better about it being a one off.
You're all right, it was an isolated incident and time and distance from it will help me get over it. I think it was just the shock of the choice being taken away.

Glad I could make you smile about it 😃. The way you are describing it, it sounds like he got your point. They can get a bit like kids facing a big lolly when the boobs are out. At least mine does. Mind you, I've been known to get a bit distracted by his naked bum or 'appendage' 😁

FizzyGreenWater Sun 14-Jun-20 17:36:41

I'd hate that so much I would be affected for quite some time by it.

Don't feel even slightly bad or as if you have to explain if you want to sleep alone or shut off from him physically for a while, including changing/showering etc. Tell him you want to have physcial privacy for a while. Take your time.

Horrible, just the kind of thing a pig dickish specimen of a man would do.

Cambionome Sun 14-Jun-20 17:42:34

Hmm. Biting someone on their very tender breasts when they are pregnant and feeling nauseous? It would have been agony for me when I was pregnant so I hope you are ok, op.

chatterbugmegastar Sun 14-Jun-20 17:53:25

It was a twattish thing to do. But he made a mistake. Admitted it and apologised. I'm sure you're not perfect so you can understand that errors of judgement are made

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