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Feel annoyed but not sure if IABU

(7 Posts)
WastedNights Sun 14-Jun-20 06:54:08

I popped out yesterday afternoon for an hour to pick up a book from my mum and say hello. I got back about 4.45. I asked DP what he wanted for dinner and he said he didn't mind and that he was going out and I could eat without him. I didn't know he was out and I asked when he was going and basically it was then. He hadn't mentioned this too me at all. Fine.

I cook dinner and eat it. I sort the baby out put him to bed and then I cleared up the kitchen. By 8 pm I hadn't heard from him so got ready for bed (nothing else to do). At 9 I start the dishwasher and go to bed. He still wasn't home by 10 and I woke up gone 11.30 and he is downstairs with the TV on not watching on his phone. He eventually comes up gone 1.30. I was needed to feed the baby and I notice that his dinner is in the fridge untouched. I am guessing he had dinner at the friends or didn't eat. He has moaned at me for not making much effort with cooking etc and so I am making more. He rarely thanks me and I have ditched the dinner this morning as it won't keep. If I'd known I would have just had beans on toast instead of stressing about making dinner whilst sorting out a tired baby who also needed to be fed. AIBU to be annoyed.

OP’s posts: |
ejecoms Sun 14-Jun-20 07:34:50

It sounds like you have more fundamental problems in your relationship than just an uneaten dinner. You two don't seem to be communicating about basic things. He made plans to go out without letting you know when, where and when he'd be back. I don't mean he should necessarily be checking with you but it would be a normal thing to say to you 'Just got a text from John, we're going to meet up in his garden for a few beers. I'll be back about 10, is that okay with you?' But it sounds like you didn't know whether he was going to eat the dinner, you were hanging around waiting but didn't feel that you were able to ask him when he'd be home and that you were lying in bed waiting for him to come up. It almost sounds like he was deliberately waiting until you were asleep before coming up.

You've got a young baby and it sounds like you are doing most of the childcare. Is he finding the changes that come with a baby difficult to deal with?

I think you both need to talk about what is going on!

UnfinishedSymphon Sun 14-Jun-20 07:51:01

He's an arse for not telling you about going out and where he'd been but he did say not to bother with dinner

WastedNights Sun 14-Jun-20 08:23:28

He didn't say he was not having dinner more of an don't wait for me to eat which I don't mind. But I find cooking for him stressful as he is always critical. Had I known he wasn't eating I would have just pleased myself with something easy. Doesn't matter in the scheme of things.

I just feel I deal with more than my fair share have to listen to him go on about how tired he is. I don't know. I'm tired. The baby has started to wake up again over the tiniest noises and not settle and I'm just feeling overemotional about it all. Isn't everyone though!

OP’s posts: |
tribpot Sun 14-Jun-20 08:38:16

He has moaned at me for not making much effort with cooking... He rarely thanks me..I find cooking for him stressful as he is always critical

This would be unacceptable if you didn't have a baby to look after. He can cook for himself if he doesn't like what you're making.

What if you'd also been going out at 4:45pm without the baby and without having discussed it first?

needhandhold Sun 14-Jun-20 10:16:02

To be fair, he did say he didn’t care what you cooked and to eat without him. I would have taken that to mean not making any effort and do beans on toast. You chose to go all out. Let’s be fair here. You can’t criticise him for a wasted dinner when he did say. So I think you needing to Chuck the dinner after spending time on it is something you need to let go. You also need to take personal responsibility here. Why are you cooking up elaborate meals when they are being criticised? You need to be more resilient. You have a baby. Cooking should be shared. Maybe spend a week just doing your own food, eating simple meals and let him cook his own. You’ve kind of made a rod for your own back by bending over backwards. Just stop. Start being more confident to make your own life decisions. You want to eat beans on toast then eat beans on toast. If he wants steak then he knows where Tesco is and he’s a grown arse man who can buy food and cook it himself. The issue you need to be worrying about here is lack of respect. It is not acceptable or respectful to just decide to go out at a moments notice like he did. He’s taking the piss and that’s the thing that needs sorting. It sounds like you’re facilitating and accommodating his wants and needs and you’re being disrespected and stepped on. Did he even consult you as to what your plans were for the eve? He assumed you’d be doing the childcare? That’s not ok is it. What evenings during the week do you go out? Where did he go? It’s normal for a couple to actually let each other know where they are going? What’s the point of being together if he’s just doing what he wants all the time?

bigchris Sun 14-Jun-20 10:19:46

By 8 pm I hadn't heard from him so got ready for bed (nothing else to do)

This is sad, you need to be able to entertain yourself without him

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