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My bf is an avid Twitter user and was in a band. He'd been Tweeting with an underage girl trying to video call her a few years ago? Dealbreaker?

(31 Posts)
weirdtweetsthrowaway Sun 14-Jun-20 00:23:32

This sounds very silly so I don't even know how to explain it. Basically - my boyfriend of a year used to be in a band and has always been quite active on Twitter.

He recently made quite a misogynistic statement which took me aback as he's always come across as very feminist, constantly posts on social media about feminism etc.

So I searched his Twitter handle and some key words to see if he'd previously spoken like this (weird I know, idk lockdown brain is doing weird things to me). So key words like sl*t, sl&g, etc.

He'd posted to his band followers referring to them as the above, said 'nobody likes a sl&t', but what really worried me was there were numerous tweets of him flirting with a 15 year old at the time. Like she asks how old he is, he says 22, she says she's 15. They're flirting via Twitter and he's saying she should follow him to California to marry him and all sorts. And a ton of Tweets of him trying to convince her to Skype with him.

This was a few years ago, so I'm not sure if I'm overreacting here. He's now in his late 20s. Few red flags so far (hence I went digging) but unsure what to make of this?

OP’s posts: |
Butterer Sun 14-Jun-20 00:26:02

I'd be gone.

K1999 Sun 14-Jun-20 00:29:16

I would have to ask him, I couldn't keep it to myself.

Songsofexperience Sun 14-Jun-20 00:31:20

It's not great. Sounds like he likes to toy with young girls' feelings. Might still do given the chance. So much damage can be inflicted at that age.

Yankathebear Sun 14-Jun-20 00:37:13

I wouldn’t even wait for his shitty explanation.
He flirted with a child, no tried to video chat a child.

shootmenow2020 Sun 14-Jun-20 00:38:24

Christ run from the hills. He sounds like someone who's using is band status to groom underage girls. Disgusting.

Dillydallyingthrough Sun 14-Jun-20 00:43:41

Tbh if this is what is publically available what is he up to privately?

I would actually ring the police for advice, explain as you have here and see what they say. I think it goes without saying I obviously think you should end it.

KevinsCarter Sun 14-Jun-20 00:46:49

He was using his power to seduce a child. Doesn't matter how he got the power (band). I'd be gone.

9/10 men in bands (I know personally) would also find his behaviour vile too.

fanniboz Sun 14-Jun-20 01:10:05

I'd be gone. You mention there's been red flags that prompted the digging that found these tweets. I think your gut is telling you something OP and you should listen to it

toastfiend Sun 14-Jun-20 01:32:28

I wouldn't ask him. I'd just walk away. This would be enough to make me leave anyway, but if there are other red flags then even more so.

McTits Sun 14-Jun-20 01:43:50

No, he clearly knew she was underage. I’d be running now...

backseatcookers Sun 14-Jun-20 01:45:05

Why are you even considering anything other than splitting up with and blocking any contact with this man?

Crimeismymiddlename Sun 14-Jun-20 01:47:29

Oh wow, just dump him-you don’t have to tell him why. Also, unfortunately I have found that men who declare themselves feminists and bang on about it tend to be the opposite to trick women into thinking they are decent. Men who respect women as equals don’t plaster it all over social media they just do.

MrsPeacockInTheLibrary Sun 14-Jun-20 01:50:30

Make screenshots if you think that relevant and to be sure of what you have if you do confront it.

I would speak to a supportive friend, if you can, who has met him to if you need to sound out in RL before you decide.

differentnameforthis Sun 14-Jun-20 07:02:30

He was grooming a child.

No someone I would want to be with, to be honest.

SiaPR Sun 14-Jun-20 07:05:37

Groomer and has-been? Wow what a catch. Yeah I think you know the answer here.

nomorelove Sun 14-Jun-20 09:02:06

*This was a few years ago, so I'm not sure if I'm overreacting here. He's now in his late 20s. Few red flags so far (hence I went digging) but unsure what to make of this?
There are red flags and then there are massive red billboards screaming at you to run away .
I don't get mumsnet sometimes .
A seemingly articulate poster will tell us about the beyond shocking things her partner has done and will be 'unsure ' what to make of it .

Andwoooshtheyweregone Sun 14-Jun-20 09:24:10

I’d be out the door so fast.

Treacletoots Sun 14-Jun-20 09:28:33

What more do you want OP. He was grooming a child.

There is no future with a man who has done this, who believes that women, and children are soley here to satisfy him. angry

ukgift2016 Sun 14-Jun-20 10:01:38

Um YES deal-breaker. Damn why are some women so weak? Then complain later down the road that their partner turned out to be a cheat, abuser etc...

ChristmasFluff Sun 14-Jun-20 10:19:26

this is absolutely a deal-breaker - he is a misogynist but pretend otherwise. This in itself would have me walking away. Men who hate women hate something that is an intrinsic part of who you are. He will have beliefs about your place and the role you must fulfill in order to remain acceptable to him.

At least you had the sense to look into it further. Then you find out he's groomed a teenage girl. Yet you are still unsure

Please understand what this is saying about you. Question that part of you that doesn't want to walk away. Why? What are you hoping for?

This is who he is. Why are you trying to somehow dress it up as something you can live with? What explanation could he possibly give that would excuse either the misogynist remark or the grooming?

UncertainWoman Sun 14-Jun-20 12:50:43

This is so much more than a deal-breaker. This is a man with predatory intent towards underage girls.

Shoxfordian Sun 14-Jun-20 13:34:08

Huge red flag
Obviously dump him

borntohula Sun 14-Jun-20 13:52:21


merryhouse Sun 14-Jun-20 14:48:58

I'd have dumped him after he'd said misogynist things.

I'd have definitely dumped him, and told people why, if I'd seen him referring to their young fans as sluts and slags.

To discover these interactions with a child would have me contacting CEOP or the police.

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