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AIBU to be seriously annoyed with what DP has just done

(258 Posts)
101stNC Sat 13-Jun-20 21:23:46

I was falling asleep on the sofa and DP waltzes through asking me what I think of his new boxer shorts that he's wearing. I knew he was trying to entice for sex but I've been feeling down in the dumps today and I'm not in the mood.

I told him they look nice and then closed my eyes again. He comes back through in another new pair a few minutes later and says "what about these ones?"

I said yes they're nice too. Closed my eyes again.

Shortly after that I sensed somebody looming over me and as I open my eyes he pounces on me, naked from the waist down. He took me by surprise and it startled me.

He thinks it's sexy/funny whereas I don't. I was raped 5 years ago which he does know about.

I asked what he thinks he's doing and he laughed it off and said he was giving me a cuddle because he noticed I was falling asleep. Bullshit.

He clearly thought I'd appreciate being startled and jump his bones.

This is not ok is it, I'm not being precious?

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LilyMarshall Sat 13-Jun-20 21:26:19

He is immature.

But if you're that tired, so to bed!

backseatcookers Sat 13-Jun-20 21:26:25

You're not being precious, he hasn't been kind and as someone who has been through what you have (thanks) this is the kind of thing that would be a dealbreaker for me.

Because I know I would dwell on how much of an arsehole thing it was for him to do especially as he didn't say oh fuck I'm sorry I didn't think when he saw you very clearly didn't find it funny.

JazzyJelly Sat 13-Jun-20 21:26:36

You are not being unreasonable at all. That's horrible.

BluebellForest836 Sat 13-Jun-20 21:28:07

At most he’s being childish and insensitive... other then that I can’t really see what’s wrong.

Tell him your tired and to leave you alone to sleep

IWantT0BreakFree Sat 13-Jun-20 21:29:05

But if you're that tired, so to bed!

Fucking hell. OP, go to sleep wherever you bloody want in your own home. Dozing on the sofa doesn't mean your fair game for obviously unwanted sexual advances. He's a prick.

101stNC Sat 13-Jun-20 21:29:12

I will be going to bed, but sometimes I like to be able to relax on my sofa without worrying about being pounced on by a naked randy man.

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IWantT0BreakFree Sat 13-Jun-20 21:29:22


101stNC Sat 13-Jun-20 21:31:13

My main bug bear is he knows I'm am anxious person and he knows why that is.

We've had sex plenty this past week and there was just no need for it. He could see I was tired and didn't care much about that, because he was in the mood he wanted me to be.

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backseatcookers Sat 13-Jun-20 21:31:58

But if you're that tired, so to bed!

What the fuck, @LilyMarshall?!

So if you haven't officially retired to bed this is ok?!

Hopefully you didn't read the OP properly and now feel silly for such a dismissive response to someone in OP's situation.

2007Millie Sat 13-Jun-20 21:32:46

I actually do think you're being precious.

He was having a laugh and I would laugh if my partner did this.

Aquamarine1029 Sat 13-Jun-20 21:33:09

I would be furious over that. It shows a complete lack of respect for you.

101stNC Sat 13-Jun-20 21:33:49

I don't mind being disagreed with, but my feelings are valid too

OP’s posts: |
2007Millie Sat 13-Jun-20 21:34:52


Of course your feelings are valid, but in my opinion you're overreacting. I really couldn't get worked up about something like this if I tried.

101stNC Sat 13-Jun-20 21:35:26

I don't see what's funny about throwing your genitals at somebody and frightening them unawares, but each to their own.

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2007Millie Sat 13-Jun-20 21:36:56


Well quite clearly he thought he was having a laugh, and I would laugh as well if I was in your situation.

BluebellForest836 Sat 13-Jun-20 21:38:15

I think he was trying to have a laugh, presuming you are a couple that laugh and joke together?

If you really think he was trying to bring up bad memories of the rape then have a go at him but otherwise he was just being childish.

101stNC Sat 13-Jun-20 21:39:33

Good for you Millie. Some individuals have long lasting issues after a sexual assault. I am one of those with PTSD.

I will never be ok with something like this.

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SleepingStandingUp Sat 13-Jun-20 21:40:16

Op have you told him why it upset you? He might not realise that anything he - man you love who loves you who you have sex with - could be a trigger to your feelings about being raped.

He's a dick and it'd annoy me but I think only you know if this one was bad call or if he's consistently pushing your boundaries and trying to coerce you into sex

BluebellForest836 Sat 13-Jun-20 21:40:45

And do you think he done it on purpose to bring up the past?

2007Millie Sat 13-Jun-20 21:41:49


Then why on earth ask if you're being unreasonable? Clearly you feel your response was absolutely spot on and you are feeling the correct way so why even bother with this thread.

101stNC Sat 13-Jun-20 21:42:54

To be clear I don't think he was being malicious at all. He thought it would "turn me on"

I've had plenty of that this week and wanted a night off because I've had a shit day and just wanted to relax.

I think it was a dick move to keep pestering me when it was clear I wasn't in the mood, then to startle me and do that was just childish.

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LilyMarshall Sat 13-Jun-20 21:44:30

Hopefully you didn't read the OP properly and now feel silly for such a dismissive response to someone in OP's situation. hmm

No. I read it. His behaviour was childish and he sounds like a dickhead. It certainly isnt funny or sexy. I cant see myself finding someone who behaves like such a nob attractive. Which i said. He is immature.

But if youre falling asleep, go to bed. Sleep in your bed will be a much better quality. Op said she isnt feeling good today. If she goes to bed she might feel better tomorrow after a good night sleep. If she naps on the couch she will likely not be able to sleep later, and feel bad again tomorrow. Op shouldnt feel Obliged to stay up To keep her dp company, or just because it isnt ‘bedtime’ yet, when she is so tired.

101stNC Sat 13-Jun-20 21:46:02



Then why on earth ask if you're being unreasonable? Clearly you feel your response was absolutely spot on and you are feeling the correct way so why even bother with this thread.

To hear other opinions, I don't need to agree with them but I am prepared to listen. I may feel differently tomorrow.

I have addressed it and asked him not to do that and explained why. It's not the first time I've had to address something like this.

I also don't appreciate being groped before I've opened my eyes in the morning.

We have a healthy sex life, my only requirement is that he doesn't indicate something unless I'm 1) conscious and 2) receptive.

OP’s posts: |
101stNC Sat 13-Jun-20 21:47:21

Doesn't initiate something**

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