I'm going to be told to just get over it, but I'd really like some practical ideas about how. This is ruining my life.
When I was 18 I met someone who I quickly became very close to. We spent all our time together. We went travelling together. We occasionally slept together and regularly told each other we were in love.
I then got a boyfriend but we stayed close, we still sometimes slept together. He had a couple of girlfriends. The other relationships never changed how close we were. We both assumed that we would end up together, but we were really young still and not ready for 'forever' yet. We were trying to have our cake and eat it. We were shits to the other people involved and I'm sorry for that now, but everyone was young and nothing was serious.
A few years went by, we were in our early-mid 20s, he got a girlfriend, initially nothing changed between us, but she loathed me and their relationship became serious. I got a serious boyfriend a year or so later.
They got married. We got married. We had kids, they had kids.
20 years has gone by since we met now. I have a lovely husband who is a wonderful father and a great friend, but we're like flat mates. I have never got over that first love. I keep it under control, just, and sometimes the sadness fades to almost nothing. But then every so often it engulfs me like a wave and I am completely overwhelmed.
I always thought there'd be a point when we were together, always thought there'd be another chance, but then life just took over. I moved in with my now husband for practicality's sake, got pregnant unexpectedly, then got married. He asked his wife to marry him shortly after I told him I was pregnant.
I just can't bear the thought of this going on forever. We're still regularly in touch, my husband is friends with him, his wife accepts I exist.
It's so crappy and I just want to remove the part of my brain that remembers him. I just can't seem to move past the mistake I made in thinking there'd always be another chance.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Can't get over an ancient mistake.
likestodraw · 13/06/2020 15:13
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