We have been working together for 3 years. I'm 35, he's 55. I'm a single mum. Both divorced. His kids are grown up but live at home and he shares them with his ExW. She lives abroad with 2 of them and 2 live with him outside of London. I have met his ExW (when she was in the country) and his mutual friends (who know about me), so his situation is clear.
He and I work so directly together that we spend around 5 hours a day together (in the office, at meetings or on Zoom since lockdown.) All our travel is together as we do the same job. We spend about 3 months a year travelling for work together (so same flights, hotels, meetings, meals, meeting the same people, everything.)
He is more senior to me and could have the authority of a direct boss, although generally our interaction is as equals. He earns more than me and has more power in our company although this is rarely evident in our interaction or dynamic. He commutes into work but usually spends 2-3 nights a week in London at a hotel paid for by the company.
We get on really well. One year ago we slept together. And we have been doing so regularly, every week, on the nights he is in London. So on average we will spend 2 nights together a week, sometimes 3, at my house or in the hotel if that is when my ExH has the kids. We go out for dinner, maybe see something cultural, go to the cinema, or go to a work meeting, and then go back to the hotel or my house and have sex. Then we listen to music, make food, drink, laugh etc.
At the weekend he is mostly with his children and his social group and hobbies outside london. Occasionally he has come to London to see me or invited me out there, but I am hardly a "fixture" in his life at the weekends. Still, we speak on the phone every day for around 20 mins and text and whatsapp throughout the day on top of work duties. This has continued throughout lockdown even though we have been isolating and not seen each other.
To me, this is a relationship. Work is busy enough, my DCs take up so much of my time, there would not be time for me to meet, get to know or even date someone outside my time with him. He has made it clear that if I slept with anyone else, he would not want to see me again.
but I don't know if he sees this as a relationship. At the end of last year he told me that he was in love with me but has not said it since, even though I have said it to him. He doesn't talk about me as his girlfriend, unless drunk, then denies it the next day. His friends know about me and have met me and know about our relationship. His DC don't.
He is vague about what it is. My DC are very small (all under 5) and it's clear he doesn't want to parent DC again from such a young age. He avoids talking about it and avoids coming when they are around.
The fact that we both work such long hours and are effectively running a business together blurs the boundaries between professional and emotional. It would be impossible to be successful at work in this business if you did not get on with the person you worked with. He is the person I speak to most every day, who knows all the ins and outs of my life. We have sex, we laugh, we work together. To me this is a relationship, but there's no talk of the future and he doesn't want to talk about it.
I don't know whether I should be hoping to meet someone else or be satisfied that I have a good connection with someone like this. I can't see the wood from the trees as work and him take up such a large part of my life.
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Relationships
Am I in a relationship?
12 replies
Rundipsindip · 13/06/2020 13:37
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