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She wants another baby; he doesn't

(6 Posts)
thirtywon Sat 13-Jun-20 07:16:15

This is the situation my lovely brother and sil face. They've been married 7 years and they have a gorgeous 3yo. For the past year or so they've been arguing seemingly monthly over fact she wants another child and he doesn't. I completely understand both of their sides and opinions. It's not for me to judge but I just offer an ear to both. I suggested counselling though. They're otherwise lovely together but how the hell do you compromise on this? I saw my bro yesterday and it killed me not to be able to hug him, he's looking visibly stressed by it all.

OP’s posts: |
AuntieStella Sat 13-Jun-20 07:18:12

There is no compromise, and it's a biggie.

I'd stand back as far as I couid from the issue, but be ready to support my DBro as a person.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz Sat 13-Jun-20 07:18:49

Sadly there is no middle ground here. The one who doesn't want one gets their way.

The one who wants more then needs to decide whether to stay with 1 child or leave and look to start a new family.

thirtywon Sat 13-Jun-20 07:21:07

@AuntieStella good advice thank you. @BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz either way it's game over for them I'd imagine. I'll be there for my brother. I love them both but he'll obviously be my priority

OP’s posts: |
Jkslays Sat 13-Jun-20 07:28:44

I’d suggest counselling for her. Or them both separately

I’ve been for couples counselling and in my experience it was just another chance to rehash issues I’d already dealt with or give my ex partner another chance to have me sit through another monologue of why his desires were more important than mine. Then I was asked ‘how do I feel about it’ when I’d already told him a million times at home. Frustrating and tedious.

He has every right to say no more. Just like I choose to have no more. We had IVF treatment and after have success attempts there was one frozen egg left. Dh was desperate to ‘use it’. Was convinced it was the boy he wanted. Where as I was done. I don’t particularly like being pregnant. The sleepless nights were horrific and money was growing in the back garden. The kids we had were sleeping through and no fucking chance was I starting again.

It did cause a lot of upset but I stood firm. He actually seen it a child already.

Support your brother, don’t get in the middle of it though. And if he is struggling mentally I’d absolutely suggest he spends a night or two at your home.

Themostwonderfultimeoftheyear Sat 13-Jun-20 07:47:20

Your SIL will have to make the decision as to whether she accepts the situation or she leaves. Personally I don't agree with people breaking up their family purely to have another child but I know plenty of people disagree. I definitely agree that she should go for individual counselling so she can talk through the two options fully.

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